Thanks for the apology for taking no less than a week to wash your dishes. I also love that you left all your eating utensils in the sink.. as if you didn’t use them??

Next time could you skip the apology and just use, um, dish soap and let’s see, a sponge?

Thanks.
The Dish Re-washer
XOXO

ps. I’m working on the patience thing but this is just one of those things that GETS ON MY NERVES.

To me this is a lesson to be careful with our moments. To put aside the things in life that really aren’t a big deal. If you can bite your tongue, swallow your pride.. do it. And if you can love, encourage someone, be a friend.. do that too. Time is too freakin’ short.

Maybe there was traffic? Nope. Holiday. Pretty nice flow if you ask me.

An accident? All was clear. And for Maryland, that’s pretty darn good because it was raining out.

Detour? Nope, well..

Going into work I take the highway heading north. Going home I take the highway heading south. Well, I just plain forgot which direction I live, so I went North. I had to travel about 10-15 miles before the next exit.

I am simply stupendous.

So today I had to leave him a message and this is what it said.

“Hi, it’s Tina. I have a customer that would like to schedule the work and I need the details of the job. Please call me at 1-800-XXX-XXXX. But you already know that number because you call me all the time.”

That last part slipped out. I meant it, but I didn’t mean for him to hear it. Oh Lord, when will I learn to count to ten before I utter such things.

At least the boys in the office thought it was funny.

Polly arrived with 6 sisters and 3 brothers. Just like me!

I handpicked her, pretty much days after I first saw her. She was like a little teddy bear.

Puppies are like newborns. Always sleeping, pooping or eating.

We think that’s her with the purple ribbon.
She was always snuggling near her mommy.

I’m pretty sure Jake is holding Polly here.
Those are my sexy legs and slippers in the background.

They just walked all over each other.

Can you imagine what dinnertime was like?

Look at her now!

Why Do I Blog?
This is my second blog, created for the purpose of sharing with others the same struggles and successes in this category called weight loss. The funny thing is some days I don’t even blog about weight related things - it’s become a place for me to vent or just convey the craziness in my head. I already miss logging in to my Weightwatchen blog and ‘talking’ with so many that have become such a great support to me. For the most part I am beginning to find again those that were (and are) a staple to my daily blog reading. So glad to have this community! So…this is my story… about my weight, it’s ups and downs (literally) and what I’m doing about it now. I know that I can do nothing of myself, without Christ so to Him for every ounce that is lost, I give Him the glory!

Forgive me, for this is long. If you are only interested in the answer to the question in my title, scroll to the bottom. Otherwise, read on. Be patient, or don’t. Laugh, cry, nod when it seems I’ve written your story. I know I ramble, don’t complete thoughts and sometimes sound like a lifetime tv for women ad, but this is my story…

Knobby Knees - I remember one time in my entire life where my knees could be described as such… I was 6. I ate like a moose but looked like a piece of spaghetti. I even remember being called by my doctors ‘underweight’. Aaah, to relish the days before puberty. As I got older and neared the good ol’ pubescent years, I remember grandma saying in her broken English, mixed with a little Portuguese, “when you grow up you are a gonna get a fatta if a you keepa eating like thatta”. I laughed because I didn’t think it was possible for me, Ms. Twig Thang herself to a.) grow up and b.) get fat

Aunt Flo & High School - Puberty was fun….not really. Glasses, braces and about 20 extra pounds that didn’t quite belong on my belly and thighs. I HATED my body, the way I looked. My self esteem was in the toilet. I remember weighing about 150 lbs and standing no taller than 5′2?. I went thru times where I completely starved myself or forced every bit of food back up. I abused diet pills, laxatives…. Nothing worked longterm though. I realized I could never not eat so back on came the pounds. Oh boy, was I so jealous of my mom who was (and is still) soooo tiny. She actually has a problem gaining weight. Which I guess, unless you have been in that boat (which I never have been), it’s a very frustrating ride. I couldn’t understand why God had made me this way, almost cursed me. I wanted to be thin like my skinniest friends. Why couldn’t I be?

The Freshman (minus 15) - Everyone talks about their freshman year being the time where they packed on the weight. I was the opposite, in fact, I’m not sure about the total weight but I went from a size 14/16 to a size 3/4 in about 4 months. Thank you Dr. Atkins. When I went back home to visit, everyone told me how great I looked. People I didn’t know or who I thought didn’t know me were suddenly my friend. It was funny to me, but somehow I think there was a need to be loved by those very people. It was that year that I had my my second ‘real’ boyfriend, seemed to gain many friends in my life once again I was sorta liking the way I looked. I do remember the small voice in my head saying “a few more pounds”. I was not completely satisfied with me, yet. The dangerous thing was I had tricked myself into thinking there WOULD be a point where I was satisfied. I wasn’t. I stopped eating ‘only protein’ and went back to a normal way of eating. Of course, I gained weight, probably about 10 lbs worth and it was then that my boyfriend’s dad said to me “you look like you gained some weight, huh?” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who does that? Sometime soon after that I joined the dojo where I began to study judo/jujitsu. The weight I had gained fell off and then some. I had it in my head that what I was seeing the mirror was not good enough. I didn’t see “bony” - I saw a fat person looking back at her in the mirror. I remember what a low time that was. I think I weighed about 100 lbs (at 5′3?).

Bumps in the Road - My third and fourth years of college I stabilized in my weight. I was about 130 lbs but still very unhappy. I remember working out all the time and going on my high protein binges. I was very good friends with a stick thin model so that didn’t help my ‘issues’ either. If I’m honest, the most unhealthy part of me during this time was my mind. I never did see myself the way others seemed to. During my senior year of college, I was hired to work with children who had learning disabilities. I think this was the greatest time of my life because for once, I was so focused on others and their needs, that I stopped look for and at my faults, real or imagined. Those kids brought out the best in me and loved me, whether I had a full face of makeup on or had rolled in with my “casual Friday” outfit. They loved me so much that I didn’t notice my weight gain. Until I saw myself in a picture and stepped on the scale in my bathroom. It read (gulp) 180 lbs! I remember going downstairs and telling my roommate Kim who didn’t believe a word of it. We marched upstairs together, I stepped on the scale, and she said “oh damn”. Yes, oh damn, I have a big butt and didn’t notice it till now. That began my WW journey.

Hi, My Name Is - I joined WW in the winter of 2003. For the first time I learned not only what but how to eat. Not to sound corny here but I learned how to like myself and be proud of my accomplishments, even if they came in 0.4 increments. My leader was so fun and I had a friend that I’d attend the meetings with at 7:00 a.m. on Saturdays. Holy cow, I still don’t even know how I did that. Losing weight was actually kind of easy. I was a little obsessed with it, but not in that unhealthy college years way. My first time around at WW I lost 43 lbs! Soon after that in the summer of ‘03, I found a 3rd serious boyfriend. I never told him I did WW. At first, I’d just sneak to the meetings and then I quit altogether. I was doing okay for a while. Initially I lost a few more pounds but when we ended up being together for a while, comfort kicked in. We both gained weight together and you could say we were fat and happy. Well, I was fat and happy. He was just happy. The happiness with my fatness ended when the relationship ended. He moved out and I sank into a depression. It was after that I got on a scale decided to Dr. Phil my way through this one, and see if I could ’show him’. I went from 174 to 143 in about 3 months time. I could copy and paste from the other sections where compliments were many and unusual friends came my way. But just like those other sections, I didnt keep doing what I needed to.

How Did I Get Here Again - I am here 8 weeks into WW yet again. I’ve grown up some, still hate my body somedays but my mind has a different perspective. I’m probably the most comfortable in my skin than I’ve been ever in my life, even when I weigh 100 lbs. I’m proud of my journey because I think I am just starting to ‘get’ who I am. I’m not my fat roll, or my stretch marks. I am ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’. All the parts that are me - physical, spiritual, mental, emotional - they are not by accident. I was designed with my, let’s just call it, uniqueness. This goes for you too! Why do I blog here? To share the good, bad & ugly. Why WW again? Because I know it works. Enough said.

Editor’s Note: I am doing WW yet again. I’ve learned that this really is a journey, as corny as that may sound to some of you. My brain was wired to think that weight loss was my goal, not keeping it off or actually maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Once I got to that magic number then everything would be okay. But it’s not just about getting to that perfect number. We have bad days, bumps that throw us off, old demons that haunt… it’s about getting up, brushing yourself off and moving forward. With life (including food), I don’t take it one day at a time. It’s less daunting to take it a breath, a second, one minute at a time…

I was nice to you last night, even when you annoyingly asked the same question over again. Yes, she received the flowers. No, Ms. Thang NO ESTA LA CASA. I mean, c’mon. I said it in YOUR language and I’m not even great with Spanglish. I hate repeating myself but I did that too… three times. For your sake. Maybe you missed a word or two that I said? Although your English did sound pretty good to me. I politely told you that it was late and that I had been sleeping. You apologized and then asked me again if she was home. Sigh. I mentioned this great invention called voice mail. Made for this very reason so you don’t have to exhibit stalkerish qualities.

I cut you some slack, Pablo because I was ignorant of geographical things. I was patient and kind. But next time, I may not be so nice. I’m warning you. I saved the Fedex label from the package you sent your girl. I know where you live.

Sleepily,
Tina

I forgot to let Polly out last night before bed so this morning when she was doing the bathroom wiggle, I should have known that there wasn’t much room to play. I moved as fast as I could. I mean, c’mon. I just woke up. Stumbling to the back door, with one eye open…Oh lord, what was that I just stepped in? Lovely. It’s too early to step in warm, wet stuff. Actually, it’s not too early. I’m running late. Again. Good thing Mel is driving today. And picking up coffees before she meets me. I knew I loved her.

I got dressed in about 5 minutes, splashed some water on my face, brushed my teeth, tidied my hair and I was ready to go. I get a phone call. It’s the bff and she’s at Walmart. Looking for a VD card for me because she forgot at home the one originally bought. So she was looking for the same card. At a different store. Did you get coffees? No, because I wanted to get you a card. She’s so sweet but all I can respond is “I hate Valentines Day”. Nice. I’m such a wonderful person. Maybe I’m grouchy because I stepped in dog pee.

Mel arrives a few minutes later and I gather up my belongings (including Polly) and head out the door. I put Polly in a sit/stay while I lock up. She takes off. I don’t really care at this point because I still have my whole life to pile into Mel’s big honkin’ SUV. I dump my stuff in her car and then go to collect the dog. Keep in mind I am not in my warmest outfit.

Polly, come. Ride? *sweet and fun voice. Polly looks in my direction, looks vaguely interested, then takes off. I am trying to keep in mind all the things I’ve heard about getting my dog to come. Don’t sound angry. Don’t be stressed. Make it fun.

You know what was fun (to her)? That I was calling her and she wasn’t coming. In fact, she ran farther away. Oh yay, she’s stopping! Maybe now I can grab her. Oh my lord, she’s POOPING. And my neighbor is walking out the door and is totally gonna report me. Not another letter from the homeowner’s association. I always pick up her poop but today it was 16 degrees out and tears were streaming down my face because I was so cold. So there the poop lay because I had bigger fish to fry. I needed to CATCH MY DOG. I try to trick her and open the door to my car. She runs across the front lawn of all my neighbors. Back and forth. Like a demon child. I’m convinced that when I do catch her, I’m gonna kill her. I breathe a sigh of relief. She’s coming closer. Yay! I reach for her. Miss. And she DARTS off. Again. To the field across from my house. Oh Lord, I think I’m gonna die. I’m just ready to leave her ass behind. I wanna sit on Mel’s heated seats! I try to trick her by opening my car door again. This time it works! She hops in my car. Only problem is that’s not the car we’re taking today. She’s sitting in the front. I open the front door to grab her leash and yank lead her out of my car. She hops to the back seat. Ok, I can do this. I close the front door and open the back door. She jumps to the front again. Melissa at this point says “Grab her leash”. I should point out that this bit of helpful advice comes minutes after she laughed for about 5 minutes straight at the spectacle I was creating for all my neighbors (and apparently her too) to enjoy. Priceless.

I’ve got the leash! I thought my morning Olympics were over. I forgot about the next hurdle. Getting Polly into Mel’s car. Finally after much struggling and my embarrassing butt crack show to the world, we managed to get in. Of course I had to share MY seat with her. I don’t care. I’m in the car. I’m sitting down. I’m warm. A little squished but warm nonetheless. What’s that? Those “brrrp” things on the road that are a supposed to be little reminders that you shouldn’t be sleeping while driving. Yeah, Polly hates those. Mommy loves them. Because it meant I got to have my seat all to myself.

Happy Valentines Day!