It’s about F’n Time

Well here we are at the end of the week.  I will start by apologizing that I haven’t really been keeping good track of my progress.  Sometimes it gets discouraging, like today when I ONLY lost 0.4 lbs….it is too bad!!  But on the up side, I have hit the official clinic 30 lb mark!!!  So exciting!!!  I can’t tell you how excited I am about this. 

I would also like to thank everyone who has made a comment or even reads my blog.  If I can reach out and touch one person with how amazing weight loss has been…it has all been worth it to share this journey.  Really for anyone who is just reading and has not started on the journey because they feel daunted by the amount of weight they need to lose, DO IT!!  Find a way to motivate yourself….For the longest time ever I got used to the weight I was at.  And then it went up a little, and I got used to that.  My self esteem was rock bottom.  Honestly, being 220 lbs is nothing compared to the people who have way more weight to lose, this is what I thought to myself.  You are just a little overweight, again, another thought I kept thinking.  Then I realised, it wasn’t by looking in the mirror and hating what I saw…it wasn’t looking at old photos and loathing having them taken…it was by the sheer low self esteem that I wanted to take control.  Rather than just accepting being overweight…I had to admit it.  THAT is the hardest part!  Admitting that you are OBESE!!!  Do it, it is the best thing that you can do for yourself!

So today has already been a trying day, I woke up at 3:30 AM to take a friend to the airport, went to the clinic to get weighed in and disappointed, I haven’t had my first cup of coffee yet, and I am stressing about moving to Montreal in July.  The work situation hasn’t been confimed and it is hugely stressing me out.  The living arrangements are yet to be decided and the boyfriend situation hit the tank last night!  When I say hit the TANK…I mean, she’s back…the best friend who just dosen’t get that him and I need our space and our time to heal from the damage that she has done to our relationship.  She just dosen’t get it.  As if having a long distance relationship is easy!  I mean come on….give me a f’n break.  Give us a chance to heal and recover before you make your f’n presence known again!!  I am really hurt, because the boyfriend can not be forthcoming about anything to do with her.  He hides these things.  What was his excuse this time?  I just didn’t know how to bring it up.  First, does he think that NOT bringing it up and me finding out any other way would be better?  Can he not just bite the bullet?  It would have been a lot better…but not, he kept it for me.  (there is more to the situation…but I hope you all get the point I am trying to make!)  So last night, I binged (completely stayed strict with the diet) but I binged on foods I normally keep out of my diet…like the bread portions and the fruit portions.  Ugh!  It was so difficult! 

So I hope everyone is having a better Friday than I am!  I hope that you all are losers this week (in weight and not in personality!)  I guess what you can take away from this post is that no matter how hard things get, don’t let your emotions control you…if you do, an irrational emotion can turn into an irrational binge fest!  (Thank goodness mine did not!)

So I think I am going to start a Friday Tradition…we will call it the Friday Five! 

What are the 5 things that you are enjoying most about this journey of weight loss?

Here are my top 5!  1. Feeling better about myself, the increase to my self esteem has been amazing.  2. People noticing around me that I have been losing weight and telling me I am looking good.  3. Tightening the belt loop:  I am hoping to have tightened it one more notch by next week. 4. Knowing when to stop eating.  Before I used to have no self control.  5. Not wanting to indulge (ie. at the office when someone brings in donuts, or cake, or chocolate).  How about your 5?