How do you respond when someone compliments you? Positive or negative? why do you react that way? and how does it make you feel?
This was my QOTD on my WW challenge and it got me thinking. Looking into myself about why I dont know how to take a compliment. I just do not know how to take a compliment. I put my head down, and mumble thanks or I change the subject. I am just so uncomfortable with it. I dont know if it is my severe lack of self confidence, or my social anxiety, but I HATE attention. If I could blend in all the time, I would.
My WW friend asked me Why… Hmm. I started wondering Why am I like this? I never really thought about it in that way. This is what I came up with.
DISCLAIMER: For those of you who dont want to read my life story, skip this post and the next one 
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I sure have ideas of where it all stemmed from, but people… I am a mess and it would take a long time to explain it all. Here is a little summary:
Growing up my mom tried to “win” the affection and praise of everyone except for maybe her children. She was always doing for people and looking for love in all the wrong places. This led to me being moved a whopping 30ish times in 8 years 4-12 and getting to know new “dads” and schools every few months or so. She then turned to drugs and alcohol to make her feel better and stayed in a mindless fog for the next 15 years only addressing us to tell us we were inconveniencing her, or how much easier things would be without us. Needless to say that with the constant revolving door of seedy people, we learned to “blend in”.
My dad spent the first half of my life trying to hide from me and figure out how to keep things from me, and is now working on the “how much can I get from Jacki” life plan. So far I can tell you the new plan isnt working out for him. He too is absorbed in addictive activities.
From this, plus many other life molding moments in my childhood, I tend to be extrememly shy with people (internet is different, its “safe”) I cant look people in the eye, my immediate thought when i speak out loud is to berate myself for saying something stupid, and i immediately think people are looking down on me or dislike me. Meeting new people in person leaves me a shaking nauseous mess. I know it is irrational, and not the way to live your life, and I am working on it. I work very hard every day to exude a “confident & healthy” persona to my children, because I do not want my kids to learn this behavior. And in my house, we instill confidence in our kids with praise and responsibility.
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Whew. Probably TMI, but it gives you an idea of who I am, and why i most likely got “fat”.
Duh::: “Fat” people blend in
Now I dont usually share that part of me, and why I am doing it today on WW and on my blog, is beyond me. It feels a little cleansing. To show the real me. I am not looking for pity or sympathy. We are all dealt a different set of cards, and we all have our individual angst to work through. I am thankful for mine. Besides the negative affects they have on me, they also have positive affects too. I am independant, self reliant, responsible, drug free, non-alcoholic (I do drink socially), and I think I am a great parent. My parents showed me “what not to do” I have learned from them, and parent differently. I am also street smart. I didnt grow up with blinders, so I am not as naive as others to real world situations. Plus there is some comedy relief. Through my experiences I have learned to laugh. I can see comedy in most situations, and I am not afraid to laugh at myself.
OK done sharing. lol
you’re sick = subtracts up to 5 pounds. due to water depletion 
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