Re-inventing Me!

I hesitate to post today. I am not in the best of posting moods and have been avoiding my own blog for a few days. And, the reason is not even about my weight. That seems to be the least of my worries today. I just hate the thought of posting anything seemingly depressing as this was to be my “positive thinking place.” But, I suppose somewhere down the road, I’ll want to remember “where I was” at this point of my life.

I last posted on Saturday and things were hunky dory…..Easter Sunday came and went just fine. I did NOT even eat any of the cakes I baked. I left the basket cake at the first party and never even had a bite of the one I served my family here for dinner that evening. My daughter had friends over last night and they finished off what was left of it. Bye bye cake! But, no none of that has me down. That was the easy part of the weekend.

Yesterday morning, we had to have our beloved family furbaby of 12 years put to sleep. It was a tough decision we had to make….and I am left feeling terribly guilty over it. I cried all day over Trixie and hardly ate anything. I will never forget the image of Trixie’s tired old brown eyes looking at me as she lay with her head on her paws at the vets. She had been very ill and weak all weekend. Not eating and barely moving or drinking. Certainly made for a heavy weekend here. I know my husband was hurting as he was clearly Trixie’s favorite person in the whole world. But, he remained hidden from all of us. He’s not a demonstrative person… deals with his hurts privately. It only made me feel his pain in addition to mine. My eyes look HORRIBLE this morning when I awoke from crying all day yesterday. Today, I will wipe my nose on my sleeve and get “back to business.” I don’t know when I will stop listening for Trixie when I drop something in the kitchen, watching the clock for her walks, or racing to answer the door before she gets there…but, I know it will come eventually. It is so strangely quiet here without her. Even though in her “golden years” she hadn’t been that active anyway. She was still an attentive companion whenever you wanted her to be. Never judgemental….a finer being than I by far.

God Bless you sweet Trixie. I miss you.  

Well, I know what my workout will be today! Shoveling! We got 5 inches of fluffy white stuff last night! I’m SO done with snow this year…but, at least it will help burn calories. And, don’t tell anybody in my house….but it IS pretty outside. LOL

Last night was a party at our friends house. It was our annual Good Friday Peeps Roast. Years ago, when Easter fell later in the year, it was a quite a warm evening out. A few of us got together for dinner and had a bonfire outdoors. The kids wanted to roast marshmallows, but, alas, there were none to be found. But, we had Peeps in our Easter stash. So that’s what we roasted and they were delicious. (Can’t stand the buggers “raw” though.) So, it came to be an annual tradition among our 3 families. Over the years the party size has grown to include other friends and we rotate homes. Last night it was snowing, so it was indoors. The kids (all teens now!) roasted their Peeps in the fireplace. With my busy day yesterday, I didn’t plan ahead for something to eat at the party and arrived there to find only cheese pizza and salad available that was even close to plan. And still, I ate too much of the greasy stuff and my tummy was upset all night. YUCK! So, today, I relish my oatmeal and blueberries for breakfast followed by foods on my plan all day. It’s amazing how once your system gets used to healthy food, going off can wreak havoc. I mean my stomach is still roiling and bubbling this morning.

Today I have to frost the Easter Basket cake for tomorrow’s party. I’m not looking forward to that. I’ve done enough of these and know that if I keep a glass of water and a wet cloth at my side, I’m not as tempted to taste the frosting. I’ll be glad when Easter has passed. Tomorrow we have a family Easter Breakfast with hubby’s family and then an Easter dinner at our house with my family. Sigh….Monday can’t come too soon.

I took time out from my cleaning to mess around with my blog some more. All work and no play ya know! Anywho….the light came on and I figured out how to set up some of the stuff I wanted to. Now I can work on filling the pages I added. But, probably won’t get to that until next week. It’s going to be a busy weekend.

Yesterday was my WI. I was kinda disappointed that my weight hadn’t changed. Not down, not up. i had expected it as I said yesterday, i felt fluffy. (It’s the week before my period and I always feel fluffy for a few days before I start.) Being disappointed, I didn’t write in here…just read other’s blogs and felt really bummed that I didn’t have a loss this week. But, that is EXACTLY why I wanted to start this blog. To keep track of my thoughts and feelings as well as look for inspiration. I guess it will take me a while to grow accustomed to this habit.

And in addition to that….SOMEBODY…. brought donuts in to the house. I totally resisted them all day long. Even after having made cupcakes for my daughter’s school bake sale. Then, I caved last night and mowed one of those buggers with a hole in the middle. Hole and all! Arrrrgghhhh! Why did I do that? Immediately after I ate the thing, I commented to my husband that it wasn’t even as good as I thought it looked. I felt heavy and boggy too. Here I had made those cupcakes, and never even licked the icing off the beaters! I finished them, put them in the box, covered them with clear plastic wrap and that was that. They were safely delivered this morning. And, luckily, the donuts were gone too!

Finally, to complete my frustration, I am SO computer illiterate that I am frustrated with trying to figure out how to set up my own blog. Just can’t seem to make anything work. One day, I’ll surprise myself and the light will come on.

So, anyway, I just wanted to ‘fess up about no weight loss and that I had devoured a donut last night. Today is a new day….and another fresh start! Back to cleaning house. The college girls will be home tonight and there’s a Easter dinner here on Sunday with my side of the family. In addition, this weekend, I have to bake the Easter cake for the Easter breakfast on my hubbies side. More on the whole Easter topic later! Thanks for listening!

Today was one of those days where NOTHING I had planned to do got done! I don’t know what happened to the day. Try as I might, I could not get out of the house early enough! By the time I did get out of the house, I didn’t have time to go for a workout. Tomorrow I will go do that BEFORE I do anything else. It was one of those 3 steps forward, 2 steps backward days. I had a list of errands to run and it was pouring all afternoon. Went to drop off my serger for a tune-up only to find the repair man was out for lunch and would not get to my machine until next week. So, I’ll just take it back next week! Ugh! I did get my laundry all caught up. For today any way! LOL  I had planned to work on re-organizing my hobby room. (That was part of my New Years resolution.) As soon as I go t started down there a firend dropped by! Aaargh! So, that didn’t get done! I thought I might get down there tonight for awhile, but, I’m all out fo steam. I’m excited about the yummy split pea soup I turned my leftover ham from yesterday in to! Just the right thing for this chilly, foggy day. It was another winner with the hubby. So, that was good. Tomorrow after my workout is my WW weigh in. I don’t expect to see a loss. I just feel fluffy today. Maybe because I missed my work out?

Monday is done….not much to blog about. I stuck to my diet plan. Yay me! Tried two of Roni’s recipes today. Yelatin and Baked Ham with Sweet Potatoes and Carrots.  http://greenlitebites.com/ The husband AND the teen like the dinner! Finally, something they liked. Yippe Skippee! I went to Curves this morning. Not only does the workout feel great, but ‘Trice the manager is always fun to chat with while I’m there. I’ve come to the conclusion that I like reading and commenting on other bogs more than posting in my own! Hmmmm? It’s all good!

It was a good weekend all in all. Busy with the family, but I did spend time in the kitchen preparing a nice dinner today and cleaning and cutting up fruits and veggies for the week. I enjoy my time in there doing that. If things are there and ready, I will gladly eat them. So, for me, I REALLY need to be prepared. I will work on this weeks dinner menu later tonight.

In general, I am having the worst time feeding the family while I try to lose weight! Ugh. My hubby could use to lose the weight more than me but, I just can’t seem to influence him. I have tried to impress on him the magic of portion control at the very least. To him, more is better. I love trying new things out and really enjoy the foods I can “afford” to eat on WW. My problem arises with my family. They complain about the foods I cook and that there aren’t any snacks around that they want or like. But, I’m sorry my dears, if it’s here, I find it hard to resist…and so I banish it! Be Gone! Hubby should be dieting along with me and I’m sure portion control alone would work like magic for him. I just can’t convince him to even try. I know he is under alot of stress where he works and that is where much of his eating issues come from. He doesn’t eat well while at work and then comes home and forages! So, this week, I vow to pack him a lunch as well as snacks to see him through his long work day. But, for goodness sakes, it’s hard enough to think of what I WANT to eat in a day, much less him!

So, anyway, that’s my little whine for the day.

For the rest of my weekend….I cleaned house yesterday, washed some windows, took DD shopping for a one piece swim suit for P.E. at school, taught my religious ed class this morning. Both Saturday and Sunday, cooked yummy and healthy meals for dinner. Last night, I took some time to try to “dress-up” my blog here. LOL I’m not very computer savy. I’ve been trying to figure out how to add some of the tracking charts, weight tickers(?) , a little personal stats box and some category tabs to the top of the page. I visited some of the other blogs here and they are all so fabulous Even the writing styles make it interesting to get to know people here! Before I found Roni’s blog, I’d never even READ one, much less wrote in one. I don’t even know if I’m using the term “blog” correctly! LOL Anyway, I’ll get it. It feels good to just write things in here. I look forward to being able to store recipes, tips, thoughts and to watch my progress. So bear with me…I’m a slow learner.

I joined an exercise club called Curves on 2/12/08. I found it located right around the corner from my WW meeting place. I’ve been going 3 times a week for 4 weeks now and so far I like it. I was just measured on 3/12 and I’ve lost 4 lbs and a total of 5 inches! Moving in the right direction!

It’s not what I’d call a hard workout. But, for somebody like me that really does not like to sweat…it’s pleasant! I used to go to the YMCA gym, but it was SO time consuming that I just chose not to go. By the time I’d get there, do my workout (with resetting weights and moving about), and go home…and hour and a half easily would have passed. With Curves, I can go there, workout and be home inside of an hour. And,they are both the same travel time from my home. So, for me…it’s working. (I will admit, there are a couple of ladies that go there that I would just as soon not be there the same time as them. LOL Cranky little trolls!) I feel better having gone and I SWEAR I sit up straighter in the car driving home! LOL

After I posted this earlier today…I started to do some house cleaning. But, the sun was shining and it was unseasonably warm for Michigan. I wanted to get outside, but my yard is still full of snow. So, I decide to treat myself and head to downtown ferndale for a tea and a walk. There is a shop there called American Pop and full of neat schotzky(sp?) stuff from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s. Definitely not your grammas stuff! Well, not mine anyhow! LOL I am aquainted with the owner and dropped in to say “Hi!” I hadn’t seen him since January! He looked at me and asked if I had been losing weight. Woohoo! He is the first person to notice. I haven’t lost much…but, he could tell. he said my face looked thinner. Maybe he was just being kind making a standard comment….but I don’t care….he made my day and I love him for it!

Just a quick “Hiya!” this morning. I am absolutely new to the whole blog world and eager to learn. And, boy, do I have a lot to learn! It was hard enough for me to figure out how to login and post! LOL (Thank you Roni!) So, bear with me as I find my way around here.

I’m excited to join this community as I believe this will go a long way in helping me to re-invent myself. I figure, even if I never get a response for a “real” person, I will at least be able to put things down before my own eyes. And, I’ll surely learn from others here. My journey is not just about losing weight. (But, that’s most of it!) It’s about becoming a new me all around, from the inside out. I’m struggling with an identity crisis and hope that by the time I turn 50, I’ve found the REAL me. So, I better hurry, 50 is just around the corner!