I hesitate to post today. I am not in the best of posting moods and have been avoiding my own blog for a few days. And, the reason is not even about my weight. That seems to be the least of my worries today. I just hate the thought of posting anything seemingly depressing as this was to be my “positive thinking place.” But, I suppose somewhere down the road, I’ll want to remember “where I was” at this point of my life.

I last posted on Saturday and things were hunky dory…..Easter Sunday came and went just fine. I did NOT even eat any of the cakes I baked. I left the basket cake at the first party and never even had a bite of the one I served my family here for dinner that evening. My daughter had friends over last night and they finished off what was left of it. Bye bye cake! But, no none of that has me down. That was the easy part of the weekend.

Yesterday morning, we had to have our beloved family furbaby of 12 years put to sleep. It was a tough decision we had to make….and I am left feeling terribly guilty over it. I cried all day over Trixie and hardly ate anything. I will never forget the image of Trixie’s tired old brown eyes looking at me as she lay with her head on her paws at the vets. She had been very ill and weak all weekend. Not eating and barely moving or drinking. Certainly made for a heavy weekend here. I know my husband was hurting as he was clearly Trixie’s favorite person in the whole world. But, he remained hidden from all of us. He’s not a demonstrative person… deals with his hurts privately. It only made me feel his pain in addition to mine. My eyes look HORRIBLE this morning when I awoke from crying all day yesterday. Today, I will wipe my nose on my sleeve and get “back to business.” I don’t know when I will stop listening for Trixie when I drop something in the kitchen, watching the clock for her walks, or racing to answer the door before she gets there…but, I know it will come eventually. It is so strangely quiet here without her. Even though in her “golden years” she hadn’t been that active anyway. She was still an attentive companion whenever you wanted her to be. Never judgemental….a finer being than I by far.

God Bless you sweet Trixie. I miss you.