Category Archive

I got to go to my WW meeting again today, that’s twice in one month. Not sure if I had mentioned this before or not, but right after I made Lifetime status our departmental staff meetings changed and conflicted with my WW meetings so I couldn’t attend regularly like before and I can only attend when our staff meetings are cancelled. Well this month I got lucky and 2 staff meetings were cancelled so I got to attend my WW meeting last week and this week. Since I’m not longer there weekly, I see new people at the meetings every time I do go (it’s the at work program). Today there was a lady who I’ve worked with in the past but never knew I had weight issues. And really, if you met me IRL in the past 4 years and didn’t know me prior to my surgery, then you probably wouldn’t think that I was fat. But for me personally, I was pushing the double digit clothing size and that was always my cue that I was no longer thin. I’m only 5′5 according to all the charts I have a small frame so a size 4 or 6 are exactly where I need to be to look good, feel good and be healthy and it is exactly where I was from age 18 until, well 4 years ago. Not too thin (IMO) and not fat.

So when the lady sees me she says,
“You’re the last person I would ever expect to see at a Weight Watcher meeting. I always looked at you and wanted to be you.” Now on the one hand I was totally flattered but also embarrassed. It also made me think of Diana’s comment the other day in my 1 year WW anniversary post.

Even though I was “thin” for most of my life I’ve always had body image issues (and some eating disorders). I remember being in Jr. High and my best friend was thinner than I was, or so I thought. She was also a good 3-5 inches shorter than I was so of course she wore a size 3, she was tiny, but since I could not fit into a 3, I thought I was fat. You see, I was a size 5. Sure laugh, but at 12/13 body image issues are just beginning. I was never lean, or muscular so I always had some extra skin that would pouch out when I’d sit down, only at that time I thought it was fat, not just skin. I was also built differently than that bff and the other one I had in high school, who was also a size 3 but only 2 inches shorter than I was. Only back then I didn’t understand how bones and shape played a part in size. Skinny or fat I fall into the hourglass category. I have no ass, but I have hips and a waist and boobage. Those hips are what have always kept me from being anythign smaller than a size 4. You can lose fat and inches but your bones don’t shrink.

In looking at old pictures I was thin from about puberty until age 16 after getting my first job and thinking that a pint of Hagen Daz was a good lunch (multiple times a week), I went from a size 5/7 to a size 12 in a year and was horrified. Then at age 17 I had a horrible breakup with my 1st boyfriend and went into starvation mode. In one month I went from a size 12 to a size 4 and then managed to get healthy and stay at a size 4/6 until late 2004 (pre surgery). I was mortified when I realized that I had gone from a 4/6 to an 8. I was in serious denial about it. My eating hadn’t changed that much but I had stopped dancing. Who knew dancing on a regular basis would let me eat what I wanted without gaining? Well it took me a good 3 years to come to grips with my fattness and that is when I joined WW. Even at my first meeting I was thinner than most of the members, but I knew I belonged there. According to WW I was still in the “healthy range” but for me, I was out of my comfort zone. 8 months later I was back in my 6s and I made my goal and I still go to meetings.

Just because I met my goal doesn’t mean I don’t belong at the meetings. Just because other members call me “skinny” doesn’t mean don’t belong at the meetings. Where am I going with all this? Just because I didn’t have 50+ pounds to lose doesn’t mean that I haven’t faced some of the same challenges that truly overweight people face. I had some unhealthy habits, I had some portion distortion. I felt fat and gross and ugly. I hated shopping, I hated pictures and I hated that I got winded doing something like walking up stairs. And I hated that food had gotten the best of me. So next time you see a “thin” girl at a WW meeting or on the street or wherever you are (the cafe, at a buffet, reaching for that candy bar or chips) don’t think that she doesn’t struggle to stay that way. Just because she is eating at the same place or even the same thing, She could very well just be blessed, but more than likely she too has body image issues and struggles to stay “thin” so don’t disregard her just because she fits more of what is considered “ideal.” Don’t think that she has it easy and can eat whatever she wants.

I never thought of myself as thin or skinny, I was either fat or regular. When I started WW I was fat, now I’m almost back to regular. I’ve started dancing again and fortunately for me, it works. My body likes it, and I can do it for hours and never think of it as exercise, it is fun and so I keep doing it, and that is what is allowing me to eat the “bad stuff,” but I still measure everything and I count calories and points and I think about everything that goes into my mouth. So just because some of you may see me or others my size as “thin” don’t think that we don’t know or understand what it means to gain weight and struggle to lose weight and keep it off.

I can’t remember the last time I did an official HYC check in but here goes. So far March has been great in terms of exercise.

3/1 - 60 min dance class, 30 min abs & buns hula DVD, 10 minute walk and 120 minute walk
3/2 - 20 minute walk
3/3 - 2 sets of stairs (15 flights then 17 flights up and down) totalling 30 minutes and a 15 minute walk
3/4 - 10 planks and 30 weighted side bends on each side for the March Exercise Challenge and on top of that I added 30 crunches and stretching!

I can’t believe I’ve done so much already. I’m so excited and hope this momentum stays!

Dance class has bee going awesome! I had forgotten how much I love to dance. My weight is still 134-136 on any given day but I’m hoping that between this month’s challenge and adding the walking 3 times a week will help kick start things so that I can see 130 soon. All my clothes fit now so it is no longer about being a size 6, it is about seeing a specific number on the scale.
One thing I have realized is that even though I was only heavy for less than 4 years it messed with my size perception more than I thought. At first I was in denial about gaining and wore things that were too tight until they no longer fit and that is when I eventually started wearing size 8s. It took forever to actually come to grips with the fact that I had to grab an 8 when shopping but I did. Now that I am back in 6s I find that I still reach for 8s, “just in case,” but they are always big on me. It’s a great feeling but also makes me realize just how much weight affects our brain and thinking.