Go Go Go Mommy!

Aaaggghhh!  I must stop grazing.  I’m under stress, I’m worried about my little guy who’s not feeling well, and I’m PMSing……..and that means that without realizing it, by 3:00 yesterday I had eaten all my points for the day!  I’ve dipped into FP everyday since my weigh-in on Saturday.  I haven’t exercised, as my little guy has to go on my runs with me and he hasn’t been up for it.  I haven’t slept because little guy was up a lot of the night.  It’s a new day over here in the Land of the Rising Sun (and rise it does at 4:30 in the morning!) and I must stay on program. 

Do you ever have those days where you just feel apathetic? Where motivation is not just hard to come by, it’s left the building? I call those feelings the blahs, I don’t get them often, but this week I’ve had a whole week of them!

Why do I have the blahs? One word STRESS!!!! We are moving back to the States in a month, the Navy has not scheduled our flight reservations and that is hard for a control freak like me. Not only that, but DH is away until 3 days before the movers arrive so all the preparation is on me. Oh, and he leaves a couple of days after the movers to go back out to sea, so I will be flying back to the States with our little guy, 2 cats, and a ton of luggage on my own. There are two cars to sell, and one to buy once I hit the States. There are vet appointments, cleaning, miles of paperwork, and lots of goodbyes to make. Okay, rant over.

So the good news…..I didn’t invite my best friend to this pity party; I made it through the week without numbing myself with food. I had some slip-ups, but dipped into my flex points and accounted for it all. I took out some of my stress on the road, running three days this week. And when I stepped on the scale yesterday for my weigh in, I was down a pound!!! Now that’s a great way to tell the “Blahs” to get packing.

I’m still amazed every week that WW really works. Keeping my fingers crossed for a good week ahead!

Hallelujah! It is weight tracking day for me and I am down 2 pounds!!! That’s the biggest loss I’ve posted in my month of doing WW. Of course, this past week has also been the only week that I was super diligent tracking my points. Gosh, you mean that actually following the plan you’ll see results….that the people behind WW might truly have more knowledge that yours truly? (said with a huge dose of sarcasm) Yes, I have slight issue with giving up control.

Anyway, I am thrilled, and thrilled that I was able to accomplish that with my husband being away. I have not given in to emotional eating this week, and that feels like an even bigger accomplishment than the weight loss. So thank you!!! Thank us, you say? YES! Because I think a big part of staying on plan this week was knowing that I had to be accountable to this blog and to you. Plus your comments throughout the week are HUGE motivation and support to continue to fight the scale.

My goal for the week ahead is to tackle Ms. Excuse Maker. I’ll have to tell you all about her and our long friendship in another post, but suffice it to say it is time for us to part company.

if you have a great workout partner. I happen to have one, he only weighs 25 pounds and may only be 19 months old, but he’s a little powerhouse!

Last night I decided to do my strength training workout in the living room while he was playing, in that magical last half hour before his bedtime I could hardly workout for all the laughing I was doing. My little guy is a comedian, especially as he gets tired. He’s also 19 months going on 30 and just wants to be a little man. So as I did lunges, he would squat; while I did push-ups he laid flat on his belly and then got on all fours, back and forth, back and forth.

Then this morning I asked if he’d like to go for a run, he replied, “yeah! buggy, buggy” (buggy is what he calls the jogging stroller) and ran to the front door. He was thrilled to get strapped in and go. As I started running he was saying, “whee!” and when I’d slow down he’d say, “more, more, go, go, mama”. He is GREAT motivation!

I adore my little guy, and just love exercising with him! Now if only I could remember that joy all the time.

I’m gearing up mentally for the road ahead. Tomorrow my husband leaves on det again. (meaning he’s going out on a mini-deployment) He’ll be gone for a month, no biggie, he’s been gone 9 out of the last 12 months, but that doesn’t make it easier. I think what makes the dets most difficult is that our son now understands that Daddy is going away, but at 19 months, he doesn’t quite understand the fact that he’ll be home again soon. So it’s difficult for all three of us.

Now there are pros and cons to the husband being away…..

The pros: (I came up with these to think positively about his absence instead of being sad)
- I can wake up EARLY and read in bed with a cup of coffee before our little guy wakes up
- I get to watch TV shows after the little guy goes down that wouldn’t appeal at all to DH
- I can make one big dinner and eat the leftovers all week
- Fun playdates with my girlfriends and their kids, since all the Daddy’s are away

The cons:
- The little guy and I miss him!
- No division of labor….so lots more work for Mommy
- I miss the adult conversation, I miss the ability to discuss the funny things the little guy does, or to discuss how to handle a certain discipline problem
- I get lonely
- I make excuses not to run (since the little guy has to come with me on all of them) I’ll say it’s too hot, cold, rainy, you name it.

The BIG con…..all those little cons make me want to comfort myself with food! There is a feeling having “earned” that brownie, pizza, mac and cheese, ice cream, etc. A feeling that, “you know what, I have a lot on my plate right now, life is stressful, I DESERVE a little comfort.”

So, I am preparing myself. I have some fun activities planned for me and the little guy tomorrow, healthy and delicious leftovers waiting, so a vacation from cooking. And, here in Japan we’re a little behind on TV, but tomorrow night is a great night of television, including “The Biggest Loser”, so that is a relaxing evening to look forward too!

My goal is to meet my husband in a month, 5 pounds lighter!

I weighed in this morning, down a meager 0.8, I was disappointed. Then I thought about the week we had….

- We spent 3 days on a mini-vacation, eating all meals out
- Exhausted upon our return we ordered a pizza (my ultimate comfort food)
- We had two other meals out during the week as well
- I only got one run in this week

When I broke down the week and looked at it, I was actually proud of myself. Obviously I made good choices throughout the week during our meals out or I would not have seen a loss.

I know the old me would have used the vacation as an excuse to indulge. We were in Kyoto Japan, the Cherry Blossoms were in full bloom and so there were all kinds of delicious treats to commemorate the season. I didn’t partake. We ordered room service for breakfast two mornings, I simply ordered whole wheat toast and ate some of the egg whites from my husbands eggs. (By the way, I ADORE breakfast foods, and who doesn’t LOVE room service!)

I know all the walking around Kyoto didn’t make up for my missed runs, but it was good exercise, not too mention I had our little toddler in my arms most of the time.

I guess success is all in how you look at it, and there is certainly more to the story than the one told by the scale.

I admit it, I’m addicted to sugar. Specifically chocolate, but in it’s absence, any sugar will do. I strive to have a healthy relationship with sugar, but alas, I have a dysfunctional, needy and possessive relationship with my true love.

I have tried to quit sugar cold turkey, I’ve tried moderation, and I have certainly over indulged.

Quitting doesn’t work, it’s an inevitable one-way ticket to binge. I have been known to eat spoonfuls of brown sugar when the house has been purged of all things sweet and delicious. (I told you it was a dysfunctional relationship!)

Most recently I started a lovely affair with a cookie called, “The Skinny Jeans” Cookie. My mother introduced us, she said the cookie was only 3pts (according to her friend a WW guru). I adapted the recipe to make more cookies, thus coming up with a fabulous 2pt cookie. I set aside 4 points a day, learning to live with the feeling of HUNGER, in order to indulge in a cookie after lunch and dinner. I ate my way through two batches. I weighed in two weeks without posting a loss. Hmmmm, could the two be related? Surely not! Surely WW must not work!!!!!

To prove my point I decided to double check the recipe. I entered it into the recipe builder to prove to myself that it was time to embark upon a new diet because WW was NOT going to work for me. Imagine my surprise when the 2pt cookie ended up being 6pts!!! Where is my mother’s WW guru? How on earth could they introduce this addict to the wonders of the “Skinny Jeans” cookie, that should more aptly be named, “The Fat Pants Cookie”. Yep, stalled weight explained, I was eating an extra 12 points a day, on a daily allowance of 23 points that’s a lot!

I’m still obsessing over the cookie, I dream about it, I’m in love. It’s unrequited, the cookie does not love me, nor my quest for skinny jeans.

Do you ever feel that the minute you re-commit to your health, something happens that throws a wrench in your plans? You finally get on a roll exercising and you get injured or sick and have a hard time getting back on track. You have a great week, stay within your points limits, and then make that one fateful decision at a dinner party or restaurant and realize you’ve blown all your flex points and then some.

So….this morning I go to record my points from breakfast on my WW points trakker, only to find out it’s missing. We have just returned from a three day mini vacation, so I start digging through my luggage like a mad woman….nada. Then it hits me, I put the trakker in the nightstand at the hotel to keep it away from my little guy, ugh! Yes, I realize there are other ways to track my points, but I’m a creature of habit, I like things “just so”, and so a little thing like this really drives me nuts.

So, the question is, is this a set-back or a challenge?

If I see it as a set-back, well heck, that’s like an excuse to not track my points, the perfect occasion to throw myself a pity party and indulge a little. After all, can’t track my points until I have my trakker back. That’s what the fat voice keeps telling me. It’s a sign, give yourself a break, it’s too hard, you’re too busy to track otherwise………

I prefer to see it as a challenge. In my head there is a bi-plane flying overhead, trailing a huge banner saying, “Prove it to Yourself!” Prove it to myself that I’m serious this time around, that something as minor as not having my points tracker isn’t going to keep me from living a better life. Prove it to myself that I’ll still stay within my points limits. Prove it to myself that I won’t use this as an excuse. Prove it to myself that I’m not all talk, I can accomplish the weightloss this time around.

So now it’s my turn to challenge you…..are there set-backs in your life that you can choose to see as a challenge instead?

Isn’t it amazing what we can accomplish when we are held accountable for our actions? When we are held accountable; we finish projects that we start, we show up for appointments on time, we give our best effort, and often times exceed the expectations of others.

Why then is it so hard to be accountable to ourselves for our weightloss? Why do we start diets and not follow through? Why do we neglect to carve out time for exercise, or to prepare healthy meals? Why don’t we treat ourselves at least as well as we treat others?

I surely don’t have the answers or I wouldn’t be trying to lose the same 20 pounds I’ve been trying to lose for the last 6 years But, I do know that I have never had to be accountable to anyone for my weightloss.

So this is step one in my journey….accountability. I am hoping that through posting here, I’ll feel accountable to more than myself.