The Last Cupcake

OK - so here’s the deal. Over in the UK we weigh ourselves in pounds and stones. We’re not quite used to dealing in pounds only.

In fact US crime shows have always impressed me in the way that when witnesses are describing a villain they are able to provide an approximate height and weight :

“Well officer, she was about 5′4″ and about a 120 pounds”

I have no idea what that means; I get that she would be a bit shorter than me, but what the heck is 120 pounds? I remember reading an article 15 years ago about Kim Basinger (OK - maybe closer to 20 years ago) and that she was about this weight, so she has always been my yardstick for that weight. But in reality, I have to divide 120 by 14 to get 8 stone. Then multiply 8 by 14 to get 112 pounds, which is still 8 pounds short ERGO, Kim Basinger weighs in my world, 8 stone and 8 pounds.

Are you still with me? I lost me at hello…..

Nevermind. What I am getting at is that in order for me to translate my weight including all losses and gains into pounds it takes a bit of maths and a lot of thinking….and its therefore prone to error….

…such as….in my last Wednesday weekly weigh-in I was bemoaning my small loss from an overall gain and claiming I was now 156 pounds. Erm…..nope!

Indeed - I WISH!!

What I SHOULD have said was that after I had indeed gained a bit over the week, I had lost a pound and gotten down to 11 stone 6 - which is of course…..160 pounds!!!

This a double edged sword for me. I am disappointed that in the past few weeks I have slipped down a bit, but I have to remember that at 160 I am still 3 down on where I was in February.

And today (and yesterday although I couldn’t get internet access!!) I was 159.

So its a small step in the right direction. And this week I have been much more active again - 5 mile walks on Tuesday and today, and even a gym session on Monday.

Fingers crossed by the end of May I will hit the 156 - and it won’t be mathematical error when I do!!!

This week I have been mostly…

• Eating too many bagels and sickened myself at the sight of them

• Gaining mysterious pounds but hopefully it’s mainly water and a slow digestive system :)

• Watching way too many reality shows and feeling like my brain is shrinking

• Getting a bit excited about getting back out into the garden – sunny days and a trip to the garden centre can do that to you

• Trying not to lose the rag with inefficient suppliers and still get my job done

Sounds like I had a bit of a depressing week doesn’t it? It raises a bit of chicken and egg question for me as I was on a bit of a downer yesterday and got a bit upset about some “stuff”. And I know that my willpower for snacking has been really low. So the question is – does a bad week spark off the eating and the depression or does feeling a bit overwhelmed turn everything into an ordeal to be salved with biscuits? Or is it that one (or rather – 5) biscuits trigger such a slippery slope to despair at my utter lack of self control that takes everything else down with it?

Dear Cupcake,

I hadn’t planned to blog today, but I was reading a post on Diet is a Four Letter Word about disappointing splurges and it struck a chord with me today.

Today was a mad day at work - I work as a buyer in a distribution company. I buy in the products we distribute. Today was expecting a delivery to be made into our warehouse around lunchtime. This was important because we have to ship product out on Friday to be in shops over the weekend to correspond with an advertising campaign.

All afternoon I worked with my colleagues to find a way to get product delivered in time to meet cut-offs for customer orders and shipment out.

The goals moved every half hour:

• Friday morning was the best delivery date we could be guaranteed
• Well maybe we can get some in tonight
• Excellent - its inconvenient but we can make that work
• Set up process between 5 people who are necessary to make this work
• Actually it turns out all the stock can be in tonight - weather permitting
• Cool, that means out best case scenario an hour ago is now our worst case scenario as we can now service all customers
• Uhm, we just realised there will be noone in the warehouse to unload the delivery tonight - it’ll have to be done tomorrow.
• But we will be able to deliver to the customers
• It’ll just cost more now

Fabulous guys - at what stage in the afternoon did you NOT check your resources before agreeing to a process you were not able to support.

I feel a bit better now - thanks…..

Maybe I should blogged before I went to the shops on the way home….

Traffic was a nightmare, and the whole way home, and probably for about an hour before hand I was fantasising about cheesecake. But as I was thinking about what to eat for dinner I decided that I would call into a small grocery store that just does staples - no great range. No choice. Therefore opportunity for poor choices was limited.

So instead of the cake I was looking for and having looked at all the cakes, all the biscuits, all the chocolate bars and bags of chips, I found it hard to decide on what to buy. Why ?

Because I wanted to be sure that I would appreciate fully what I splurged on. I also wanted to contain it. Better to have one small bar of chocolate than a packet of biscuits which would mean more of a splurge and over more than just this evening. So I took my time, selected the bar which I felt would meet my comfort needs and purchased.

Now I understand that comfort eating is not the way forward; that looking to food as a solution, relaxant or mood enhancer is not necessarily a healthy option for either my body or mind.

But I am still seeing this as a small victory - I made the best bad choice I could and stuck to it.

The question remains was it worth it? Hmmmm. I enjoyed the chocolate and I do feel relaxed (or is that tired?) and less stressed (or is that tired?) - but really. I think I could have enjoyed a really crispy tart apple, or a huge crunchy salad, or some fresh mixed sushi and have felt like I had treated myself just as much as the chocolate did. In fact, I’m certain I would have even better.

But I see this journey as a series of baby steps and every one is learning exercise. The real success will come from remembering this lesson next time I have a crappy day and need a lift; and I head straight to the greengrocers.

Thanks to Roni’s question of the week for a thought provoking afternoon!!

In no particular order I would take the 15 yr old Rubydoo to one side and whisper:
1. You are not mediocre, and have as much right to be here as anyone else. So don’t be scared – we’re all just folks.
2. Travel – don’t listen to your mother. College will be there when you get back
3. Worry less about what other people think and forge your own path
4. Stop panic and comfort eating – what IS it with that ??
5. Who said you can’t be sporty – break the family mould now and go do something ACTIVE.

I probably wouldn’t have listened, but I’ve enjoyed the ride to get to a point in my life where this is the advise I know I would dispense.

This week is an example of how strange weight-loss and weigh-ins can be.

My weight has been steady-ish at 10.5 and below for the last week or two. Since my last weigh in, my eating has not radically increased, my water in-take has remained about the same, and I have started walking again.

I weighed myself on Monday (OK – I am a “daily weigher-inner” but am only using the alliterative Wednesday Weigh-In to actually track my progress!!) and was 154, yesterday I was up to 157 and today, whilst I am down again, it is only to 156

I will confess to being a little disheartened but mostly baffled by the fluctuations – what’s a girl to do??

…singing “4 minutes” by Madonna (and JT) and marvelling and how fabulous she looks in the video

…visiting hospitals to have my elbow or ovaries checked (4 trips so far - not connected mind you!!)

…reading “A Ride in the Neon Sun” by Josie Dew and wishing I was back in Tokyo

…getting back my exercise groove, doing my 4 mile loop walk, and planning my next bike ride - YAY

Dear Cupcake,

I saw the orthopedic consultant (OC) for my follow up appointment yesterday.

Its been three weeks since my first visit, almost four since the “incident” as it now euphemistically referred to.

During that meeting, OC said this was his favourite type of injury (I think this was the orthopedic equivalent of bedside manner) - the fracture was one that does not require medical treatment beyond the sling and some painkillers. But I was tasked with doing two types of physiotherapy styled arm stretches and twists, three sets a day, 50 reps per set! OC joked that he liked these coz it was all down to me to make sure it had full mobility when it healed.

I more or less stuck to the plan; a couple of days I did less, a couple of days I did more, but overall I kept to the physio, spurred on by the desire to be 100% fit and well again. And the fact that the last thing he said to me as I was leaving was “Make sure you do the exercises”

There was something about his tone that sounded like a challenge - and I do like a challenge!

Yesteday I walked into OC’s office, sat down, and as he opened my notes announced “I did the exercises”. He smiled and asked me straighten my arm as far as it would go. And my work appeared to have paid off.

Not only did OC say that my arm is as good as fixed, but he actually commended me on my effort! It felt like a gold star from the teacher.

So - it’ll take another 9 months to heal fully, bones being bones. But I am free to get back to normal, get on with life and most importantly get back out on my bike!!

I have a pair of padded shorts in the drawer I am just itching to try out and a new “lady cut” seat to audition…..just gotta wait for the typhoon like winds to die down!

After a brief hiatus during which time I have fractured my left elbow, become increasingly convinced I have broken something in my right wrist, undergone a laparoscopy, not had internet access andgenerally lots of other non-blogging stuff, I’m BACK with the WEEKLY WEDNESDAY WEIGH IN!

Episode 2 in an ongoing saga of weight loss.

And I am proud to say that I am down to 157.75!!

Which means I have lost just over 5 pounds since I started this blog. Which I am delighted about.

I am counting the .25 on this occasion specifically because, although I haven’t been able to have my WEDNESDAY WEEKLY WEIGH IN with you all, I have been keeping tabs on the scales and for the last week I have been oscillating between 158 and 159, so to finally swing below and and also to be able to say “just over 5 pounds” makes me smile!

It’s been quite a tough month or so and it would have been very easy to have sought refuge and comfort in a plate of these (although I must confess to having browsed this website quite a bit instead!!)

But I’ve shown restraint, tried to make good choices, and  think it might have actually shown some results.

Hope everyone is having a good week :)

…eating a lot of rocket

…watching the West Wing season 3

…reading The Book Thief

…looking forward to going out to a Japanese restaurant for dinner with DH

…somehow losing a pound - down to 158.

…deciding to add a new feature to my blog which I like on this site so am borrowing, but making it a record rather than a forecast :)

Dear Cupcake,

I am pleased to report that I walked the dog this evening after work and that i did the 4 mile loop!

It’s the first time I have been out on the loop since the accident. Initially I couldn’t go out because I couldn’t get about. Not only was my left elbow fractured and in a sling, but my right hand was sprained (still might be - but I shall check with the doc on Friday when I go back for a follow up appointment) and I had a bit of a limp where my left leg had taken the impact (seriously - is biking really so much more dangerous than when I was . Or am I just less robust ?? Or is it that I had further to fall ??)

I started back at work last week, but strangely I think I took a bit of a knock to my confidence as well so was a bit apprehensive about taking her out in case she pulled a bit heavily on the lead (she might be the size of a shoebox but she is a sturdy little thing and would easily win in a tug-of-war with a badger, especially if the prize was half a dozen pork sausages)

I digress….

I was a bit worried that I might get halfway round the track and not be able to finish - stuck two miles from home with a couple of dodgy arms and truculent terrier. But this evening the weather was just so gorgeous- like Kristi said in her post about her weekend, it just screamed at you to be outside!!

The sun was out, the clouds were up high and slow moving and as we made our was through the park there were birds singing, trees coming into leaf and there were lots of families out walking, people on bikes and out jogging, alongside dogwalkers like me. It was such a nice way to pass the time.

Granted it took me a good bit longer than usual but I am glad I did it - I enjoyed being out in the fresh air, and I feel like now I’ve been out once I can go out again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day…..