I don’t want to be the fat one any longer…

I dunno what my probelm is but I am sure that I have consumed less than 40 ounces of any type of liquid, OVER THE PAST THREE DAYS (TOTAL). That is just plain ridiculous, as I sit here I am thrirsty yet I know if I go and get something I will take two sips and be finished. Shameful.

Okay, so last night we went by the grocery just to get something for dinner and everyone wanted something different, okay no biggie, I got ground turkey and I made it with brown rice and veggies kinda stir-fried, very good, and my husband made 2 pizzas in the oven, PIZZA is my favorite, I love pizza. I could eat my weight in pizza. Well to make a long sotry short I indulged and ate 12 points of pizza. All of those flex points for the week are gone.

I am not going to post my menu for yesterday becuse I know what I ate and really I am tired and have to work an early 12 hour shift tomorrow.

but here is today.

salad with ff french=8

corn=1

green beans=0

cabbage=o

brussel sprouts=1

mac and cheese=2

mashed potatoes=1

dinner roll=5

noodles=1

chicken noodles soup=2

chicken strip salad=6

sf chocolate pudding=1

sf cheesecake=1

 a few other misc bites=4

The most horrible thing is that I ate all of these things in one sitting, I overslept and missed breakfast and now I am only slightly starving.  this is very typical of me though, i tend to consume large amounts of food at one time and the lay off teh rest of the day, and yessss i know that is bad.

Tonight I will wear the badge of hunger and tomorrow I will wear the badge of pride, for staying within my points.

well I am at work right now, working my 16 hour shift, and today once a gain I was right on target. I ate 2 large meals but stayed well within my points, with a few to spare for my midnight snack when I get home. So here’s the scoop….
Chicken Tender Salad =10
LF Frozen Yogurt =2
Chicken Tender Salad=10
LF Frozen Yogurt =2
Rice Krispie Treat=3

That’s 27 total points, with 5 to spare for later.

I must confess though i haven’t had ANY water today, shame on me. ;(

I am unusually busy and stressed. I am working as much as possible because the holidays are coming upon us and my husband has been laid off work. I am stressed and grouchy adn the one thing that always makes me feel better is restricted. blah. I just really need to get some sleep and drink my water. I went to a buffet today and ate, alot. BUt i am still within my points and havent used any flex points yet so… heres my best guesstimate…

Lettuce=0
Broccoli=0
Tomatoes=0
Cucumbers=0
Cheese=2
Mushrooms=0
FF ranch dressing=2
Bacon bits=2
Egg (white mainly)=1
Chili soup=2
Rice=4
Corn=2
Green beans=2
A few other bites=4
Rice krispie treat=2
Broccoli and cheese=3
Wings=4

I am sure I will dip into my flex points tonight, but I am not that hungry yet, so I am sure I will be reasonable adn realize it’s only my second day and I may need some flexies for the weekend..
and although I havent gotten any “real” exercise yet I have been dashing around busily, both at work and home (so many things to do and not enough hours in the day– yet i always manage to find time to stop and eat )

Well, I had made the decision to wait until after thanksging to start, I know that this is going to be difficult enough and I didn’t want to put anymore obstacles in my way, so now that Thanksgiving has come and gone I AM READY!! Today as I start at 240 whopping pounds I set my first goal to loose my 10%, or 24 pounds, I am not setting a time length, I’m just setting my first goal. My long term goal is to be under 154 pounds, hopefully by next Christmas. I didn’t work out today and have yet to my situps or lunges, I did however clean my house vigorously and thoroughly today (at least 3 hours) and I can feel that I actually got up of my butt and did something. Also, I have to go to work at 6:00 p.m. and I know that I will get p-l-e-n-t-y of exercise in then. Today I was very mindful of everything that I put into my mouth and truley I didn’t feel as though it was as difficult as I rememebr, but I was constantly busy today so I didnt really have time to make my usual umpteen trips to the fridge. Tonight before bed I will get in my lunges and situps, I am working on my water for the day and I am sure throughout work this evening I will get that covered, and I actually ate breakfast. I am doing pretty well for it being day 1, hopefully tomorrow goes jus as well. I am going to go ahead and post me daily journal now I still have a few points left but I am sure I will finish those off at work.

Starting with 32 points
FF Yogurt 2
Raisins =2
Deviled Eggs =10
Turkey Sandwich =2
Turkey Sandwich =2
Pretzels =2
Cheese Rice cakes =2
Carmel Rice Cakes =1
Mushroom Soup =3

Total=26
Remaining = 6

 **update:  I finished off my points

apple=1

grape juice=1

deviled eggs=4

I didn’t get in my exercise, I didnt get home from working until after midnight and had to be up at 5 a.m. (I dont want to put to much on myself all at once I will catch up today)

1. To do 100+ situps every day, this is an easy task that will take less than 5 mins per day, yet, is physical activity and will help me to develop a routine.

2. To eat breakfast every morning–by 9:30 a.m. I am not a big morning eater but the few times I have tried it I have realized how much better I feel all day (and how less hungry I feel).

3. To get in at least 2 serving of dairy every day. I am really bad about this as I do not like milk (thank goodness for cheese and yogurt).

4. To do at least 40 lunges every day. Again this takes minimal time and is something I can easily do first thing in the morning or right before bed.

5. To get in exercise at least 3 times per week, this means going to the gym.

6. To keep a food journal every day!!!

http://picasaweb.google.com/jd253303/BowlingSkatingAndStuff/photo#5040105434647126034

This link is to a picture of me taken last year at a bowling alley.  I was about 10 pounds lighter then.  This is actually a very accurate picture of me.

P.S. My step daughter is the wonderful photographer that cut my head off, no need to photoshop that one .

I have had several blogs, I decide I am motivated and going to start on this journey and then I fall off… sometimes it’s after a week, or a month, or sometimes just a day. I am so disappointed in myself and I can’t believe that I have let myself go this far. I hate being fat. I hate what I have turned into, I hate that I get out of breath after 1 flight of stairs, yet I used to be able to RUN 5 miles without stopping. I hate that everyday I struggle to find clothes that will stretch around my body, and that I used to have that hourglass type figure. I hate that I feel as though I tricked my husband with a cute little package that has blown up in his face. I feel guilty that my step-daughter looses out because I am too tired to do things, or because I physically can’t. I look at myself everyday in the miror and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. When people come over ane see old pictures of me and they say “oh you were so pretty”, I know that person is still in there, burried in there, buried under years of overeating and neglect for myself. I can’t live like this any longer. I have no more excuses. I am busy, but so are alot of people, alot of people that are not obese. I have a lot of stress in my life, but so do a lot of other people, people who don’t unload the refrigerator after a bad day. It has taken me a long time to realize that you can not control what other people do, you can only control yourself, and now that I realize that I need to start doing it. I need to control myself, I know weight watchers inside and out. I should, I have been on the program 3 times,and each time I was successful, successful that is until I quit for one lame reason or another. I can tell you point values of hundreds of things, how much water you need, all about activity points. Why can’t I jsut do it, why do I insist on giving into whatever spur-of-the-moment craving I have and then convincing myself it’s over the whole program is over, that I ruined it all, when I know that tomorrow is another day. I am not stupid so why I am I acting so foolishly?
Well, I need to do this, both for me and for my family, and I need to start now.
Wish me luck!!