Sorry I’ve been MIA lately…but I got another kick in the stomach this week.  I went in on Tuesday for an ultrasound on a lump I found in my reconstructed breast…and now they want to biopsy it!   I go Thursday morning for the biopsy and will get results on Friday.

 The doctor I saw said that “if he was a betting man…he’d think its just a fibroadenoma (fatty cyst)…but due to my history with breast cancer…blah blah blah”.  So I am holding onto HOPE.  I am trying to remain positive, but sometimes that just isn’t enough. I’ve found myself in “weeping” spurts every once in a while, so have decided to work from home the rest of the week. 

My eating is still going well…but did “forego” the gym last night. I will go to Body Pump tonight just to help keep my mind occupied. Then Thursday I won’t be able to go because I can’t do anything physical after the biopsy for 24-48 hours.  But I will still eat OP as WI is Friday. 

Well..I am down another 1.6 this week.  For a grand total of 5.2 since joining WW. So I am happy with that. Especially with everything that’s been going on this week.

To make a long story short….I found another lump…only this time in my reconstructed breast (which is not even breast tissue…it’s tummy tissue)!!!!  The lump is on the edge of my breast near my sternum. And it’s large enough for me to find it with no problem…and it is a bit sore.   I went to see my plastic surgeon yesterday and he thinks its just a fibroadenoma (fatty cyst) but he also wants me to follow up with my oncologist.  She isn’t in until this afternoon, so it looks as if I’ll have another weekend of sitting on pins and needs.

I am so worried that when they did my mastectomy…they missed something…or left some cancer in there.  And of course now I think it’s growing uncontrollably!  :(  I try to remain positive and all, but it sure isn’t easy!

I don’t mean to come in here and only whine about myself….but this is where I “air” my true feelings…wish me luck…

Not in the mood to post…I went for my 6-month screening mammogram yesterday on my “good” boob. I received the dreaded call this morning that they want me to come back for more “views” tomorrow morning.  Uhhhg! This is all-too familiar…it seems like I’m having a bad dream.   I’m trying to remain positive, telling myself that they are erring on the side of cautiousness….and it will be nothing.  But man that’s hard to do sometimes. Needless to say, I’ve shed a few tears already this morning and just want to curl up and sleep. 

Ok..for some reason or another, a rush of emotions came over me today relating back to my battle with Breast Cancer.  My mastectomy was done on October 4th of 2007 (almost 4 months ago). It was ironic that October just happened to be Breast Cancer Awareness month…so every time I turned on the TV or opened a newspaper there was another article or segment on breast cancer survivors.  

The one that got to me the most was a segment the Today show did on Hoda Kotb (one of the anchors).  I remember watching this segment on October 17th….8 days after my surgery. I can relate to her story so much that it actually makes me feel “connected” to her. She had the exact same procedures done that I did.  A unilateral mastectomy (meaning I only had one breast removed) and we also had the exact same reconstruction procedure…where they created our new breast out of our tummy tissue.  (So the added benefit of a tummy tuck).  She talks about how her battle with cancer made her realize how strong and fearless she is now.  It changed her.  I feel exactly the same way!  If you’re interested in watching her video clip…here it is Hoda’s Story.  Every time I watch this, it brings me to tears…just because I can relate to absolutely EVERYTHING she says.   The diagnosis…getting the news on the phone…how you feel when you hear the words…the recovery…etc.

I had 10 weeks off of work and tried to stay active and eat right, but I still managed to gain a few pounds. So now that I feel THIS good…I am committing to losing this weight!  I don’t just want to be cancer-free…I want to be healthy!!! 

I mean to bring this to you as a reminder.  If you are 40 or older …. PLEASE get your mammogram! This years was my 3rd…and it was the first DIGITAL mammogram.  If you have a choice, make sure your medical provider is using a digital mammogram machine.  If not, find a place that DOES!  The digital image enabled them to find my cancer at a very early stage.  The spots were the size of grains of salt (little clusters of them in 3 separate areas of my breast).  At that size, you would never find them with a self exam!