The Next Step

Does it ever seem to you that you can eat eat eat and have points remaining, then other days you eat 2 things and have 2 points left… even though you arent spluring or anything?  Today I slipped in an extra granola bar, 15 m&ms, and 2 hershey’s kisses and still have enough points for dinner and dessert.  I tell u, I LOVE it when that happens!!

So today wasnt great in terms of choices, but I still fell within range, so I’m pretty content with that.  Its rough with Christmas because I am the queen of cookies, and with all the goodies around I have a hard time resisting.  For me THanksgiving is easy because I’m not all that into the food, and I dont care too much for pie, so there you have it!  However with all the appetizers and cookies floating around for Christmas I get a bit anxious.  I swear I cant just have one…or two… or even three for that matter! There’s a reason they call it “hog wild”  LOL!  

Well wishes to u all on this wednesday!

that is, the actual blizzard and my day of nonstop munching.  After I posted yesterday things didnt get much better… inface I ended up actually drinking 3 beers and celebrating the weather with some friends…and munchies…and I stopped counting as well.  So my -10 i’m sure is more like -30! :(  I did post a 1.5 gain this week (today is my WI), but I actually expected more after yesterday.  So this morning I started with a bit of cereal and yogurt, and have 18.5 points left for the day.  Time to get started…

Ok, so an awesome OP week… used about 12 flex or so.  THEN friday came…and a holiday party…and wine.  THEN out of town for a grad party sat, THEN a blizzard today.  So now I’m OVER TEN POINTS  in my flex-as in I ate them all, then plus 10 more I didnt actually have- (how did that freaking happen in only 3 days…????) and I’m still in the mood to eat.  I’m actually very full, but I want to chew, taste, swollow and repeat. :)  I actually am “ok” beucase this is actually the first time that I restarted this program KNOWING these days would come, but I struggle with self control and follow through (as I literally pop chocolate in my mouth).  Even today, I spent 19.5 points on BREAKFAST (granola w/ soymilk, HUGE pancake with actual syrup, a bit of cheese omlet, 4 pieces of chocolate, coffee) and now I feel bloated, gross and just bleh.  However I’m still struggling with not putting MORE in my mouth.  GRRrrrRR.  I have to say that logging onto ROni’s site helped.  Its amazing to see someone who has been such a success still have days like this.  Its makes me feel better knowing that I dont have to be perfect in order to lose weight… I just have to keep on trying to find my flow.  So, thanks for the vent, I’m going to start lesson plans………

Dont you love days like this… 3 lb loss and spinning to boot?  Now, I did have the tummy bug last week for 3 1/2 days (no throwing up, just other unpleasantries), so that does count towards it too.  HOWEVER I did have a fiber one binge and ate 3 1/2 bars throughout the course of the evening and night (um, ew…i know i know).  But still… and I got back to the gym after taking a week off (sickness and holiday business).  It was so refreshing!! I seriously get grouchy after like 2 days off, so a week is a very very very long time for me.  So yea, feeling good and trying to stay in control!

A beautiful weekend the homefront, and a very decent weekend on the points front too!  I did over indulge on the Fiber One bars, and I know I’ll be paying DEARLY for that in about an hour.  I had 2 1/2 of them…eek!  They just taste like cookies to me, so I usually slip if they are available… mental note: dont keep food that is too tempting around!   I weigh in tomorrow morn, so hopefully I’ll do ok.  I calculated that the wedding is 31 weeks away, so that’s an opportunity for a 31 pound loss.  Not to put too much pressure on myself or anything…. hahah! 

Thursdays,…I love thursdays! Its my “date night” with my fiancee… and its so wonderful to allot an evening to makin dinner and just being together.  We usually end up watching the thursday tv shows (office, greys…) but we are cuddling on the couch, so it still counts! :) 

I have to tell ya’ll somethin– After attending meetings for a couple of weeks, I have to say that I personally found the meeting and group style to just not be for me so much.  NOW I”M NOT DISSING MEETINGS by ANY MEANS! I think they are an amazing method for people to find support throughout their journey, and I will definitly return to them someday I’m sure.  However, there was something just not clicking for me.  I even tried a few different leaders, and I LOVED the one I ended up going to, she was amazing!   There was just something about it that didn’t necessarily motivate me. Isnt that weird?? I mean, I made some hilarious friends and had some great conversations.  However I thought of the meetings more with dread than excitement, even if I knew I lost.  Again, unable to put my finger on why….   so anywho, i joined the ww online program, and so far I’m totally with the program.  I don’t even have a job where I’m at a desk all day (im a sp ed teacher, so i’m always running around), I log on in the morning and at night from home.  It has been working for me, and I find it more reliable to help me count points.  Sometimes I’m even like “Ugh, I dont want to eat that cause then I’ll ahve to log on and blah blah” so I’ll skip the nibble.  It sounds crazy but it works!  Anyone else working with the online program? Thoughts? successes? not-so-successes?  Let me know! I’m interested to see what the weightwatchen community thinks! 

So apparently I’m last on the active users list… I guess that has been a testiment to my weight loss effort! hahah!  I was reading mountain girl in cali’s post where she was talking about “trying’ to loose weight for a while without actually following the program.  SO ME!!! Again it all comes down to believing in yourself…and so far I’ve had 3 days on program.  go me!!!!!!!!!

10/20 was my last login????  Well, I’m still checkin’ in on you all at least every other day, just not signing in and sharing on my end.  Still struggling with feelings of doubt that I can (and should be!!) a thinner version of me.  Its amazing what tricks the mind plays on you… like “you’ll never be able to stick with it” and “you are just meant to be a bigger girl” yada yada.  THe good news is recognizing this, the tough part is doing something about it.

 So, the other day in the chekout low and behold Miss Ronnie was smiling back at me.  GORGEOUS and so cool!!!!  What an amazing journey for her eh?  Deciding to change your life, making the change, then to boot ending up on a magazine cover!  simply awesome.

 happy holidays ya’ll!

Hey ladies, just another post to let you know that I’m still checking up on you all every couple of days, I just havent felt the desire to post. Partly out of shame, partly out of laziness too! I re-joined WW “officially” and started under a new leader who is such a trip! Totally my style… however after week one I posted a gain I swear, I just feel like I cant do this. Its so frustrating because I lost 65 pounds on my own, and after I regained 35 I’m still SO ANGRY at myself that I focus only on that. I’m truly struggling to refocus and believe in myself again. I even reread all my posts since I started on here and its the same cycle over and over and over… which is why Roni’s post about binging really hit home for me. I’ll excercise like 3 times a week and eat pretty crappy, then I’ll pull it together and exercise everyday and do great on my diet… then binge and throw in the towel for another week. I am really having trouble refocusing for good, and since I’m a perfectionist who is very hard on myself it makes this journey even tougher. Im totally an all or nothing type of gal. So I don’t know how to only have one class of wine, or a cookie as a treat. ANd the most frustrating part is that I’m AWARE of all of this, I just feel powerless to change. Hmmmph! Sorry for the rant, but that’s honestly where I’m at today. I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading all of your posts though, you ladies are simply magnificent!!!

I know I haven’t been posting much, but I have to tell you I’ve been reading a LOT.  You girls are such an amazing testiment to determination, will, and the drive to success.  You all deserve such credit for following your dreams and striving to get healthy and stay healthy.  It is such a pleasure to follow your progress!