Apart from that i’ve been real busy getting things done for the official opening night of the restaurant. I’ve invited about 200 people in the hope that about half of them will show up, but now i’m slightly freaked about the fact that it’s probable they’ll might all show up… i hope not though otherwise there’s definitely not enough champagne and food.

Have been out running a few times, but everytime i did my back killed me for the next 4-5 days…. I’m obviously too heave to be running on hard ground, so i’ll be trying to get a bit of exercise done at the gym.

Just read the Community news about the change of location for all of us, might be a good idea even if we can’t import posts. I’m liking the sound of the new features

But now it’s past 1am and i need to get some sleep so talk soon

Life’s been incredibly busy in the past couple of weeks. My trip to Hong Kong was awesome but went by in a blur then i got back and we closed the restaurant for 3 weeks to redo it entirely. Now we’re back open and running and it turned out beautiful!!! But i’ve been working every day since then and i’m exhausted after a little more than 2 weeks of that… Honestly i’m so tired and after about 10-12 hours on my feet i’m aching everywhere.

Everything’s going by so fast and i feel like i’m only a spectator and no longer the main actor! Dieting is not even a word to me anymore, i’ve even put on weight since 2 months ago. Which means right now i’m painfully close to the 100kg mark and only seeing the scale or my sad reflection in the mirror makes me cry… I feel incredibly lonely and ugly, i’m not that girl, i used to be confident and charming and not grumpy and self-conscious :(  To be totally honest, i feel like crap and i hate it… I have lost all control over my life in every perspective and it scares me. I want to get a grip and go running, have a drink at the pub with my friends, play golf etc.

Before i went to Hong Kong i’d decided that i wanted to sign up for courses at the Open University (long-distance learning) It feels like a challenge to me, i want to learn something new and i’m doing it for myself! I wish i could be so determined about my weight… So i’ll be starting a couple of introductory courses at Uni in a month, i’m excited about that, i think i’ll really enjoy it!

I’m sorry for the crappy post, honestly, but i’m just feeling real low lately. I’ll try and come back to the community slowly because i feel like i really could need some support here can you tell??

Anyway i’ll be back here soon with more news

The Coach didn’t recognize me which is probably a good thing, considering i haven’t been for so long but i was really happy to be there. Even the dreaded step on the scale was kind of ok, because i had  the feeling i was doing the right thing by going back there for help… The scale showed 97,5 kg (dressed and in shoes), that bummed me a little but it can only get better right?

Furthermore i got introduced to the “new” flexpoints plan (the europe one is probably completely different from the US plan)… From now on, we can choose from 18 different foods to eat “until you’re full” for a certain amount of points…. For example all you can eat potatoes for 4 points, topped with veggies and a piece of chicken or whatever. Kinda sweet me thinks especially when i’m having one of my “always hungry” days!

So, that was the best thing i’ve done in a long time. It took me quite some time to find the courage to go back there, but now i’m really happy i did.

Unfortunately i won’t make it to meeting this next Tuesday because i need to pack for China the next day. But i’ve promised myself to go back as soon as i’m back from my trip!

Right now i’m focusing on getting all the open stuff done before i leave on Wednesday, and feeling slightly overwhelmed by all there still is left to do. But i’m coping, and tomorrow afternoon after work i’m going for a run too, yeah

Time to go to bed now.

Oh no

Check out Roni’s new contest! I can win a Nutrition Smart Scale from Eat Smart and so can you! Click here for details!

Then has anyone else noticed the recent Spam attacks here? They’re all about selling and buying cars, really strange comments!

Anyway, i dared to move my flabby self to the gym again for spinning first time this year! I’m so self-conscious lately, like i’m really scared i’ll get into other people’s ways in shops or at the gym because i’m so large. I never used to freak out that much about my size (well i have never been this large either ) but that makes me see that i must start shedding the lard now, because living like this is no fun! I feel like people look away when i’m around, maybe it’s just a feeling or maybe i’m just really irritating to the eye so they just don’t wanna see my puffy face. Oh dear i’m completely freaking out!!! The Hong Kong trip is approaching very fast, and i’m fantasizing about how to lose 15 pounds before i go… It’s been like this alot lately. I mean me being all motivated one week and then feeling all crappy the next one. When i booked the trip back in November i was really going to give it a 150 % of my will to stick to the Plan and shed a few pounds in order to feel more at ease with myself! Now it’s January 21st and i’m still 209 pounds and very unhappy!

 No point in moaning, right??? Yeah i know, it’s pathetic…. Well i’m proud to say i have been journalling the past 2 days (yey, what an accomplishment) and i intend to keep it up now! It really does help.

Tomorrow is Tuesday, it’s normally meeting day but i’m so scared to go back there and get actual proof (on paper) that i’ve been a failure these last couple of weeks, it makes me cringe! Hm but i guess i’ll have to face the mean meeting scale sooner or later? Hm crap!

Sorry for all the swearing, but i need to vent sometimes

That could actually have been one of my own theories, very funny anyway

Tomorrow begins day 1 of the sensational and neverending “getagripmoveyourassoffthecouchjournalandgototheweeklymeetings” action!!! I really need to be more strict with myself, because doing half things won’t do me any good. My jeans are strangling me, my face is all puffy and i’m not a happy babe anymore! I need to have the feeling that i’m in control of things, and that’s really not the case lately.

Hong Kong trip is in less than 2 weeks, and i’m already freaking out. What if i’m the fattest person in whole Hong Kong??? Because they’re all super skinny those Asians, i’m scared i’ll feel like freakin’ Godzilla only in China. Geez i’m freaking out completely, can you tell? Anyway i’m still very excited nonetheless…

That was it, just a quick one before i’m off to bed. Good night you lovelies!

It talks about bulking up your food in a way that makes you feel fuller on fewer calories. I think that’s really an important thing to learn, because when you’re full your satisfied and less tempted to snack on the bad stuff.

I’m about a third through the book right now, and i can only recommend it, it’s a good read and very informative!

The other book is Shauna’s The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl (i couldn’t wait until in 2 weeks ). I’m at page 30 already after only a day and it’s so touching and honest, i love it! It has already had me bursting out laughing and sniffing tears back, i cannot wait to read a few more pages before going to bed in a bit. It’s a must-get!!!!!!!!!

This week went fairly well, although i’m still not journaling i’m trying to make sensible food choices as often as possible (that is sooo hard somedays). I’m down 1 measly kilo, actually! But that might be because it’s the end of the periods so i’m de-bloating quite a bit. Tomorrow is Sunday, always a tricky day for me as i’m off work and in Winter i get quite bored on that day. I will try and go to the gym for a little workout, it’s already 1am and i’m not even remotely tired, so i might have some spare energy to get rid of me thinks

I need to start planning meals i think, i just leaves less space for bad choices… Because that’s really what it is about, right? Being able to decide for yourself what good and bad food is, and as long as i’m not able to do that spontaneously, planning in advance what i stick into my mouth might be of help.

Off to a new week then.

Anyways, thumbs up to Shauna, that’s one helluv’an achievement. I hope she’ll sign my copy someday when i’m back in Scotland GO DG, woohoo!