Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living 

room and I said to her,  “I never want to live in a 

vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids 

from a bottle.   If that ever happens, just pull the 

plug.”

She got up, unplugged the TV  and  threw out my wine.

She’s such a bitch!!!!

So, here I am, again.  Recommitting.  Again.  At this point I feel like I’m lying to myself.  I mean, how many times am I going to recommit to a healthier me?  I tell myself the important thing is that I keep trying.  That maybe I’m not being very successful right now, but at least I’m maintaining what I have lost. But now those words sound weak to me. And recommitting just doesn’t seem to have the importance it used to.  It’s almost like I give myself the excuse to eat badly because hey, if I fall off, that’s okay, I’ll just recommit.

Motivation is at an all time low.  There were three weeks where I was doing so well. Staying on plan, staying within points, drinking water.  About the only place I failed was exercise.  I used to lose even without exercise.  And now, the scale won’t budge. And I don’t feel a difference in my clothes either.  And I KNOW I shouldn’t be a slave to the scale. And I know weight fluctuates, but it is difficult to work so hard to stay on plan and not see a loss after 3 weeks. And instead of staying par for the course, I stop. Put on the brakes. Throw in the DAMN towel, and then two weeks later I’m up a pound or two and ready to recommit because I don’t want to gain back what I’ve lost.

I don’t feel the drive like I used to.  I remember when I first started the program NOTHING would make me veer in the wrong direction.  I was on plan, and SATISFIED - and I lost 29 pounds! Now I struggle to stay on plan. I’m tired of counting, I’m tired of watching what I’m eating so closely, I’m tired of going to family functions and being SO careful what I put on my plate and whether or not I’m going to go over my points. I’m TIRED of drinking water.  I hate water, and I feel sloshy at the end of the day after drinking 6 to 8 glasses. 

I’m just ranting right now because even though I’m frustrated, I know it’s the right way to eat, to be, to live. I read the blogs everyday. I may not always post or comment, but I read them all the time.  All of you ladies are such an inspiration. And I see your struggles too, but some how all of you keep going. And many of you keep losing - WAY TO GO! Your blogs make me want to keep going, keep trying. I just wish I could be successful.

I just wish I could find a happy medium. I’m just so frustrated right now.

Hope all of you are having an awesome day, and thanks for stopping by.

After starting a new diet I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning, and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed … “Lord, it’s up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery.” And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block , there it was!  God is so Good!”

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE

So whether they’ve been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,
 pass this on to the women that God has placed in your life to make a
difference.
Thanks for being in my life!!!

I have a coworker that truly means well.  She’s a very thoughtful person and very generous when it comes to others.  She CONSTANTLY brings treats to our department.  We work in a very close space.  The “goodie table” is diagonal from me.  I can take like three steps and I’m at the table.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it is my responsibility as to what I put in my mouth.  But it is so much harder when you have tempation in your face 8 hours of your work day.  The kicker is that she says she is Weight Watching too.  And I’m thinking, “yeah, okay, then why bring the treats?”  But again, generous person, likes to share with others.

Sometimes I’m so hungry, and even though I bring my own snacks, I see the treats on the table RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and I’m tempted.  And worse, I have to walk by/past that table quite a bit.  In the past I have reached into the dish or plate or whatever is there without even thinking about it and not realizing the points I was devouring in that moment.

I’m more aware now, and I don’t just pop the treats into my mouth anymore.  My problem now is maintaining my resolve not to touch what is on that table DAILY!

Okay, I’m done venting.

Have a great day, and thanks for stopping by. 

A friend of mine, who happens to be a senior citizen, sent this to me.  I thought it was funny, so I’m sharing. 

And what were you

thinking????

Tsk tsk tsk

I love that quote in my title.  It’s by Joan Rivers.  I thought it was funny, and it kind of suited my mood about exercise.

I have the plan thing down for the most part.  It’s not that I haven’t veered off every now and then, but I do know what foods I should be eating, and have honestly learned a great deal in regards to portion control.  Even though I have not met my goal, I have also managed to keep off the majority of the weight that I’ve lost and that speaks volumes to me.  I feel confident that I will not go back to where I started.

My point?  I also know that I could be doing better, not only by staying on plan, but also by exercising.  And people, I just CANNOT get my butt in gear.  I make promises to myself about exercising, I schedule it in like an appointment, I bribe myself, I try and reward myself and I just DON’T get off my butt and move.  I swim every now and then with my daughter, but not steadily enough that it constitutes an active life.

I was reading about maintenance (because I really want to GET THERE) and saw that you get some points back, but you need to have about 28 AP’s a week in order to maintain.  I completely understand that, but am fearful because right now I’m lucky if I get 9 AP’s in a week.  I’ve been on WW off and on since June 2006, and have NEVER had my AP’s hit 28 in a week.

I need to figure out a way to step up and get moving.  It’s not that I don’t know my choices - I do.  Walk, swim, treadmill (I have one), DVD’s (plenty of those too), etc.  I just don’t “DO IT!”.  And I know that I need to do it.

And I’m frustrated because I know the only one stopping me is me.  And I know that one of the reasons I’m not really losing is because I’m not moving.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  I’ve always been quite the couch potato.  I was an only child (my brother passed when I was 10), and so I spent a lot of time by myself reading, watching television.  I wasn’t allowed to be outside alone, and my mom did not involve me in “activities”.  And no, I’m not blaming my mom.  :-)  I’m just saying that I led a very sedentary lifestyle from early on and I just can’t seem to break the cycle.  Maybe if it starts raining diamonds, I’ll bend over to pick them up off the floor.  LOL!

Stay OP, and keep moving!  Thanks for stopping by.  :-) 

My weigh in at the WW site is Wednesdays.  But the reason I weigh in on Saturdays now is because my cousin and I are both doing Weight Watchers togeter and she chose Saturdays as our weigh in day.  It’s kind of a “challenge” between the two of us.  I find that it helps keep me a little more accountable, and for the first two weeks I didn’t stay on plan.  And after reporting no loss for two weeks, and she was reporting a loss, I was like - I better get on the ball!  I keep the weigh in on Wednesdays because I do Weight Watchers on line and I don’t want to change the weigh in day.  I started on a Wednesday and I want to keep it that way.  But I’m tracking my Saturdays here so that I can keep track with my cousin.

Long story short, I weighed in this morning.  I’ve lost 2.2 pounds since starting the “challenge” with her.  And I’ve lost 5.2 pounds since restarting the program.  Slow I know, but I’m thrilled.  I figure it doesn’t matter how long it takes to get there, so long as I get there!  Better sooner than later, but I’m okay with the little bumps that happen along the way.

 So here is my “unofficial” weight progress:

Weight (restarting WW): 153.8
Weight 6/13/07: 152 (1.8 lb. loss)
Weight 6/20/07: 151 (1 lb. loss)

Weight 6/27/07:  149.8 (1.2 lbs. loss)

Weight 7/4/07:  148.4 (1.4 lbs. loss)

Weight 7/11/07:  148.4 (no loss)

Weight:  8/25/07:  150.8  (gained 2.4 pounds from 7/11)

Weight:  9/01/07:  148.6 (2.2 lbs. loss - almost at weight from 7/11 - WOO HOO! And I’m only going down from there!)
Weight lost to date: 5.2 lbs. from restarting program at 153.8 - YAY ME!