FUNNIES
Posted by My_Life_Now on August 28th, 2007
I hope it is okay to post these. A friend sent them to me and I just thought they were a riot. I hope it makes all of you laugh. :-)
Q. What’s a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.Q. What’s the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.Q. What’s the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ballQ.
Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X’s on the back of the sheep that kick!Q. Why! is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it’s worth it!Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.Q. W
hat do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.Q.What is the difference between ” ooooooh“and “aaaaaaah“?
A. About three inches.Q.
Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.Q: What’s the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip. Q.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.Q:
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.! What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.Q:
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow. Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don’t have balls to scratch!
The WHYs of Men:
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)2. WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don’t have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don’t stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don’t know…..it never happened)
( C’mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)