Mirror Madness

Mirror Madness - ah yes!  We’ve all experienced it haven’t we?  You walk by that magical glassy wonder and “Eeek!!”  Who is that fat blob?  You look again - and though there is a faint resemblance to someone you used to know, that person staring back at you is anything but yourself.

Who is she?  I see someone who looks like she’s been to hell and back.  Hair that is screaming for it’s roots to be dyed.  A wardrobe that makes it’s rotation on a weekly basis.  Shoes that are chosen with only comfort in mind.  Enough makeup to cover up the real me.  A schedule that doesn’t offer time for “choices” and “preparation” let alone breakfast.  And fat - oh the fat.

I swear I suffer from some polar opposite of anorexic people.  You know how they always look in the mirror and only see fatness - even if they are only 85 pounds?  I think for the past 10 years I’ve looked in the mirror and said,  ”Hey - not bad!”  and go on my weary way.  And in the beginning it wasn’t that bad.  I was never the skinniest girl - but definately not the biggest girl in all of my social circles.  I have a curvy figure - which years ago I would consider sexy.  But somewhere along the way those curves went wild on me! 

Battles with depression, self doubt, anxiety and worse have left their marks on me.  But when I finally got my life in order - it’s taken me 37 years - I realize I don’t have any excuses any more.  I am secure with who I am, I have a wonderful family with an incredibly loving and giving husband.  I have job security, a beautiful home and new car.  I’m not saying that to brag - I’m simply pointing out that all of those reasons that in the past kept me eating and sitting on the couch have resolved themselves - and now I’m left with the question - what’s keeping me fat?

I don’t know what the answer is - and I’m hoping that by blogging I will figure it out.  I want that old self back.  That sexy, vivacious, energetic girl who had no idea how great she looked.  I want to look better at 40 than I did at 20.    

I have to face who is staring back at me - and know who she is.

I titled this blog Mirror Madness because I just cannot ignore those feelings any longer. 

Mirror Madness - ah yes!  We’ve all experienced it haven’t we?  You walk by that magical glassy wonder and “Eeek!!”  Who is that fat blob?  You look again - and though there is a faint resemblance to someone you used to know, that person staring back at you is anything but yourself.Who is she?  I see someone who looks like she’s been to hell and back.  Hair that is screaming for it’s roots to be dyed.  A wardrobe that makes it’s rotation on a weekly basis.  Shoes that are chosen with only comfort in mind.  Enough makeup to cover up the real me.  A schedule that doesn’t offer time for “choices” and “preparation” let alone breakfast.  And fat - oh the fat.I swear I suffer from some polar opposite of anorexic people.  You know how they always look in the mirror and only see fatness - even if they are only 85 pounds?  I think for the past 10 years I’ve looked in the mirror and said,  ”Hey - not bad!”  and go on my weary way.  And in the beginning it wasn’t that bad.  I was never the skinniest girl - but definately not the biggest girl in all of my social circles.  I have a curvy figure - which years ago I would consider sexy.  But somewhere along the way those curves went wild on me! Battles with depression, self doubt, anxiety and worse have left their marks on me.  But when I finally got my life in order - it’s taken me 37 years - I realize I don’t have any excuses any more.  I am secure with who I am, I have a wonderful family with an incredibly loving and giving husband.  I have job security, a beautiful home and new car.  I’m not saying that to brag - I’m simply pointing out that all of those reasons that in the past kept me eating and sitting on the couch have resolved themselves - and now I’m left with the question - what’s keeping me fat?I don’t know what the answer is - and I’m hoping that by blogging I will figure it out.  I want that old self back.  That sexy, vivacious, energetic girl who had no idea how great she looked.  I want to look better at 40 than I did at 20.    I have to face who is staring back at me - and know who she is.I titled this blog Mirror Madness because I just cannot ignore those feelings any longer.