I want to be an Asterisk*

I tried to post a bit ago and got a little worried when I received the 404 page not found error.  Gosh, I don’t know what I would do if the server erased everything again.

I spoke to my BF who has been in Phoenix during this whole strep/notstrep issue.  I can’t wait for him to get home.  I feel so lonely.  I decided that since

• I haven’t really been eating and since
• the size 6 jeans I am wearing are loose and since
• I haven’t had one in a long time

I would eat a twinkie.  Notice all the reasons I gave myself?  That is because the guilt is already there.  I know it isn’t bad to eat a Twinkie.  I mean just one can’t hurt.  Really no different than the yogurt I have been eating the last few days.

So I was eating ONE Twinkie, talking to my daughter about school starting on Monday, about her upcoming 9th birthday on Saturday and I threw in there how I missed BF and couldn’t wait for him to get home.  Know what she said?

“Are you replacing your loneliness for BF with that Twinkie?”

I said “Huh”?

She says, “I can tell you are because of the violent way you are tearing into it.”

Did I mention she is eight?

Okay, so I gave myself all the excuses but maybe I was just lonely.  Even though I have a box of 24 individually wrapped Twinkie’s sitting on my microwave that have been sitting there for two weeks and I haven’t had one, maybe I was just using food to fill that lonely gap.

I am glad she said it though.  Maybe it will keep her from making a horrible mistake one day, using food, instead of a brisk walk or work out at the gym, as an escape from loneliness.  Maybe if she is lonely, that walk will help her meet a new friend or she will fall in love with the juicer at the local gym.

Maybe I am just making another excuse for eating that Twinkie.

This morning, I checked my throat and there were twice as many dots as before.  I called in sick and have been working from home by laptop all day.  By 11:00, I was feeling some what better, checked and some of the dots are now gone.  I guess the shot from yesterday is finally starting to work.

I am starving.  I am tired of yogurt and popsicles.  I looked in the fridge and remembered I had some red potato salad and fixed a bowl.  I tried not to look at the label but I already remembered that it had 19 grams of fat per 1/2 cup.  Oh well.  I needed something cold and that would have to do. 

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words.  Hopefully by this afternoon I will feel well enough to take the kids to their open house at school.