Simply for me

So, I’m still alive Diet wise in February, I just didn’t concentrate on it. My mind wasn’t into it - I only gain 2 pounds, which is good considering.  I haven’t exercise much, except my walk with the dog when it wasn’t snowing, raining, windy/cold. We have a crazy winter this year but at least we are having one (the last 2 winter, we didn’t get any snow (in Canada!) which was sad and boring.

So, things weren’t going as well as I expected in January. So I took some time off from the diet thing. I had WAY too much on my mind. I needed to clear out things in my head first. There was too many drama around me, negativety, stress and people complaining so I did a major clean up. 

In January I told you about a crisis with a friend, well, it’s not over. Someone got inlvolved, who shouldn’t be involved and he just can’t stop talking about me (yep, a HE, so not only SHE can be bitchy. lol). I just ignored him and did my things and people just kept telling me and warning me about his behaviour. So I starting to think about it and well, it’s not my fault if he has too many hours on his hand or if his gilfriend is too boring and he needs talk about me. There is nothing I can do or say and I don’t want to do or say anything to prove him wrong. I’m not going to lose time trying to convince him, while he means nothing for me, that I’m not the kind of person he claims I am. He wants to believe that, good for him. People who want to believe him without knowing me, good. Your lost. I don’t need you  (I must add that he is a colleague of mine, so at first it was pretty hard, I didn’t even get out of my cubicule to go to the bathroom! It was good for the diet though since I only ate salad for not having to go to the lunch room to heat my lunch.. heheh) 

And it was hard convincing me, but little bit by little bit, I started to feel better and well, people who never talked to me before started to come over to tell me what he was saying and how all they think he is a drama queen, a big baby (he’s 36!) and they are all happy to finally see him for what he is really. So, now I’m having new friends. Amazing how it turned out. (You can guess that he is even more mad now. lol).

In all that, 2 of my friends left the office to start a new job. They quit the same day and they didn’t know the other one was quitting also. But for 2 weeks before evertything was sure with their other job, I was their sponge and they just kept coming in my cubicle one after another. It was insane. It was a very stressfull situation.  I was very sad too.

Now, the first week just went by without them, and as much as I don’t like to admit it, the environment is better for me at work. Obviously, they didn’t like their job so what do you think they were doing? Of course, bitching about our employeur/work.  Until this week, I haven’t realized how much it was putting weight on my shoulders.  Oh and believe me, all those new “friends”, I tell them from the beginning that I’m not  the type of person who likes to sit around complaning AND I don’t like to lose time at work. They all understand so it’s a quick hello/fun chit chat and we all go back to work. (One even thank me for giving her a positive environment at work. that was nice!).

By Thursday, my closest friend told me he was seeing something different about me and couldn’t put his fingers on it (and we are close enough so he told me it wasn’t the pounds since I wasn’t loosing them. lol). That comment of his was all I needed to realized I was on the right track and way much happier.

No wonder I couldn’t put set my mind on the diet. I was all stress out/sad/angry and it wasn’t just too much. I didn’t realized how bad all that negativety was affecting me.

So today is a brand new start.  I believe I can do this and if I have nothing good to say, I won’t post it. I want to concentrate on the positive things in my life. I have everything to be happy; I need to focus on that. But I’ll be honest and will keep writing if I’m gaining or things aren’t going well…:)

This week has been completely insane. I went through alot of emotions (positives and negatives ones) and finished the week with a major migraine.  But, I feel good in general. I lost 0,5 pound this week, which is ok.  Somebody asked me if I had lost weight lately, so that made me happy :)  I know I feel better physically and mentally, which is what I want to achieve this time.  The crisis with my friend isn’t over… well, we talked and took all the blame so that it could be over (but I know now that I won’t be as friend with her, I just didn’t like the negative situation with her…) but later I find out that MANY people stood behind her and now apparently I’m a total b****.  I was mad/sad/angry at first, but I soon realized that, no matter what I do, I cannot be liked by everyone and esp. that people will think of me what they want to think and if people I barely know listen to these people who are talking in my back, well, they are not worth it and it’s their lost. I don’t have time for this and I don’t want to have time for this… I felt like I was back in high school these past weeks…!!

Over all that, I’m proud of my reaction: I didn’t go over food and just let them panicking on their own and I moved on.  I know now who are my real friends and I know who I want around me.  If all this would have happened just a few months ago, I would still be crying and trying to make everyone happy, I would eat and just be depressed. I walk with my head up in the air and do my things. Like my best bud always say “Life’s a bitch”. LOL

I hope everybody is enjoying their Superbowl weekend This year, we aren’t hosting a party or go to a party, it’s just the 2 of us (me and my bf) cozzy on the couch :)  Since the new house, we just like to stay home alone and be together. It brought us even closer (we were close before, don’t get the wrong idea). I’m allowing myself to eat nachos and chicken wings tomorrow night…it will be home made so it won’t be THAT bad

xxx

 I don’t understand why some people don’t like animals. They bring so much into our human life! Yeah, my new hard floor is already all scratch, I need to vacuum more often because of the fur, I can’t leave the house for the whole day because of the dog… but it’s nothing compared to the joy and happiness they give me. No matter if I had a bad day at work, the dog is happy to see me and the 2 cats are fighting over whom I should pet first. It’s a great feeling. No explication; no compromise; they love us and they need us (well, the dog does! As for the cats… you all know how cats are. hehe).

So, Sandy loves snow (for a boxer, it’s rare!) but she gets cold and her paws hurt. So, we decided to buy her snow shoes and a coat. Well, I had to make a deal with the bf since he didn’t want his dog with boats and in a coat (I wanted a pink one). So he said ok for the boots IF he could chose the coat. I should have thought before I said yes because he went and bought a hockey jersey - Ottawa Senators..not even the right team (I’m more a Montréal Canadiens fan). I don’t remember the last time we laugh so hard; Sandy doesn’t like the shoes. not at all. She didn’t want to walk, she was just standing there. It was priceless to say her walk with those at first.  Tonight, I finally had my first attempt outside (she didn’t want to get out of the house with them in her feet. lol) and it took me like 5 min to get out of the driveway, laughing so hard… but I think she realized it was for her own good and started walking all happy. That made my day.  Here’s a picture of her, she’s truly a Canadian dog now

I forgot in my post earlier that I also got through my first PMS ever since I started back my healthy lifestyle. It went though smooth and without disaster!!

AND my friend who went home in France for the holidays was back this week and she brought me many boxes of cookies that are just D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S! And I managed to wait until last night to eat two!! I could hear them talking to me since Monday, but I waited (Friday and Saturday nights I treat myself with what my program called “Cheat Meal”) and they were even more delicious because I didn’t feel any guilt eating them

Voilà!  

First, I’m pleased to announce I’m -1 again this week. I wasn’t sure if I was too happy, but after a few minutes, I did a resume of my last 3 weeks and I’m pretty pleased with what I have accomplished so far: What used to be 6 cups of coffee a day is now a few cups a week (that I don’t even drink entirely) and it’s my first attempt to cut coffee without any symptoms, so that is a real big plus!  I’m exercising more than I ever did and really enjoying it. And for once, I’m putting myself first.

So this week was weird. Felt like everything I was trying, was a fail. Nothing major though, just little things that kept piling up; I kinda laugh about it though… it was one of those week where you wish you slept it all through.  At work, I was forgetting things, making tiny mistakes that I don’t usually do… I locked the cat in the closet, I forgot my shoes at home so I was stuck with my big boots in my feet all day at the office, I forgot to give breakfast to my dog…see the pattern? LOL I have dark hair but my bf always say that I have blond roots (sorry to all the blonds out there! hihihi). 

I had my first night of insomnia in over 2 months last night though. That suck. Luckily this morning wasn’t a week day, so I managed to lay on the couch to try to get more sleep, but all I did was resting my eyes.  I’m way too stress and everything spins in my head (the bills, the job, the new house, will I’ll have kids, should I listen my heart for once and not my head and go to NY like I’ve always dream of…All things like that.)  I’ve been told that my stress could be the cause of why I’m not losing as fast even though I do everything by the book.

I should be working right now, it’s already noon but I’m dreaking my tea, still in my pj, looking outside of my window hoping to see a hear or a deer jumps out of the woods behind my house. I see their trails they leave in the snow, so I’m hoping to see them one day I like this calmness… but I should get going.

Talk to you later and go outside take some fresh (cold) air

I lost one pound this week. I’m very happy considering the fact that I had the flu, so I took medication all week, and didn’t exercises on the elliptical (but when walking so that I could breath fresh air. It’s always good when you have a headache.)

On another note, I’m pretty upset/sad right now. I cried for the last  5 hours but I’m better now. I’ve been betrayed by a real close friend of mine. I found out that she repeated something that I have told her to somebody else… I felt my heart squeeze when I find out. I don’t have too many friends and the one I have are really dear to me so that’s why I’m pretty upset and sad right now.  I’m proud of me though because I sent her an email instead of EATING my pain. I just couldn’t face her or talk to her on the phone so I chose emails.  I told her that I wasn’t mad but sad and doubted her friendship via myself. I don’t know how she will react, if she wants to be mad, fine, but I told her what I felt and I feel good about that.  Anyway, I’M probably the most bad lier out there so I wouldn’t have been able to face her like nothing happened.  Another point too I’m not hungry and didn’t go over food to feel less sad. It’s a first :)   I’m turning the page and like I said, if she wants to be mad, fine, but I’m moving on. She knows how I feel and it’s on her side to decide what she’ll do but like I told her, she is gonna have to work hard to gain my trust again.

 Have a great Friday.  My warm bath is waiting for me.

xxx

I’m having an ok weekend. My boyfriend is working so I’m kind of bored. I’m not used anymore of him working during the weekends. We barely see each others during the week because he works most of the time evening shift. Hopefully, he’ll ba back on his regular shift soon (I don’t care if it’s night shift and we don’t get to see each others during the week, I prefer by far having him at home the weekends.).

I’m having a really bad craving right now. Do you know what is a poutine? That’s what I’m craving. I don’t think there is a fatter “meal” out there…lol (here’s a picture of a poutine if you never saw one  .)  It’s made out of french fries, gravy and cheese. It was invented in Québec, but there are everywhere now (in Canada at least). MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!! I don’t crave poutine often, but when I do, watch out.  Luckily, my fave one is from the restaurant Ashton, and there are only Ashton in Québec City (I lived there during 4 years and my bf is from Québec City). That would be so good…. I have to be strong and I have to keep it to myself. If I tell my bf, for sure he will want one and will encourage me to get one. LOL

I just got home from the park. I went there with my 2 friends and their dogs. Our dogs get so along, they are very fun to watch play togheter. Unfortunally, because it’s winter, we have no field to let them run and they have way too much energy.

Well, gotta go start thinking about something else than my poutine!!!!!

and I’m -4 on the scale That was a shock! I had to step back and step on the scale a few times. Hihihihi I wasn’t expecting a big start like that.

I had a very busy week (that explains the lack of blogging) and my weekend is going to more busy, but I’m taking the time to exercising. I might have to go to bed later because of that, but it’s worth it. I feel better, I have more energy and I sleep better, so technically, I need less hours to have a good night of sleep.

Each Friday night I have a date with my baileys and coffee (or ice in the warmer nights), with my soft blanket and the couch. I watch a movie (or a few tv shows that I’m  recording during the week). So while making my coffee I realized that it was my first coffee of the week!! I haven’t realized that I didn’t need a coffee at all to kept me going this week. That, I’m very proud. I just LOVE coffee and get addicted to it pretty fast. I’ll stop by the store and pick up some decaffeinated ones instead. (I was wondering last night If I should drink one, but I needed baileys. LOL)

Thanks to all of you!!! I didn’t think blogging would be such a help!

… and everything is still going good! I’m following by the letter my meal plan, I’m exercising and I drink lots of water (I’m at 4 L of water so far today!), which means I’m going to the bathroom often… at least it is a good excuse to get out of my cubicle more often. Hihihihhi

Sunday night I wrote to my counsellor who helped me losing the weight in 2005 telling him that I had gained weight. It took me so much courage to click on that Send button. I felt ashamed telling him that I had failed. But after I sent him that email, I felt so much better. It gives me more determination and trust in myself that I could do it. He replied to today! I’m so happy that he took the time to reply to that email. The day I’ll reach my goal, you can be sure I’ll stop by his office!! 

Friday and yesterday weren’t the best of days. I was moody and I think I was more mad at myself than I thought I was (for letting myself go that far). But some friends came over for dinner last night, and my bf bake us a delicious chicken pizza (which was not greasy) with a salad. It was very good and we had lots of fun.  I even managed to hit the elliptical machine for about 35 min after they left. It felts so good!!! I remember why I like doing exercises when I start to do the on a daily basis: I sleep better when I exercises (I tend to have insomnia), so I wake up full of energy which means no need for coffee and I have the energy to do more exercises again. But why can’t I remember that when I don’t feel like exercising? LOL

I’m having this delicious chicken sandwich on a pita bread (whole wheat) for lunch. Yummy I might sound weird but I could live on sandwiches (with pasta here and there…hehe).