On a journey

Moving on over. .

mcjourney — Tue, 13 May 2008 02:42:14 +0000

I’ve moved. You can find my blog posts here Blog to Lose

I’ll continue to maintain my other pages on this sight:

Keepin’ things from derailing

mcjourney — Sat, 10 May 2008 00:59:40 +0000

I’ve been blogging a lot lately on the “good” days. The days I am jazzed and excited and doing well. To keep it real I am posting today, even though its not one of those days.

Heachache

Tired

Stressed

Little bit of grief

I have been snacking mindlessly today on things I haven’t normally been eating. Thankfully, I will have over 20 FP left to go (end of my week is Monday). So I am still doing well program wise. But, today could be one of those days that derails me if I don’t keep an eye on things.

Its 6pm, husband is napping next to me, i might just rest for a while too. Shake this headache, go for a short walk, and then do some laundry and get prepped for a new day tomorrow.

Am I ruled by negative thoughts?

mcjourney — Thu, 08 May 2008 02:54:57 +0000

I feel like I have been saying this a lot lately- But I feel so good! and I am so dang proud of myself. I feel good, good, good. I could list the reasons why, but its basically everything. Things are clickin’ more often then they are not. But I’ve been thinking about attitude lately, and positive thinking- and it really got me thinking (okay, my high school English teacher would hack that sentence to pieces).

Sometimes I ignore my weekly WW pamphlets ( I have joined so many stickin’ times that I feel like I could open a WW library of pamphlets). But now and a again something clicks for me. I really like the booklet (#3) “Think First,” (The Habit profile quiz in the front was really quite insightful, I thought it would be cheezy, but I was impressed actually.) Anyways, several things stood out- one of them I wanted to put into writing: An area of focus for me that his survey highlighted is to “Manage your thoughts,” basically positive thinking = positive outcomes. I read this for the first time and it talks about replacing negative thoughts with positive. And I honestly had to stop and think (for several days actually) what the negative thoughts were. My negativity was so much a part of the culture of my brain that i could no longer easily identify the negative thoughts from the positive. Sad, huh?

Here are some blirbs from the section of the WW booklet:

“Research shows that people who succeed on weight-loss plans believe they’ll succeed.”

“Negative thoughts creep into most people’s minds. But for some of us, they kind of take over- and we don’t even realize its happening. Negative thoughts come in the form of all-or-nothing thinking [I’m never eating chocolate again!”], absolute thinking [”i should or “I ought”], and self-fulfilling prophecies [i can’t].”

Ultimately, “We believe what we tell ourselves.”

So I decided to uncover those negative thoughts and see what it was that I have really been telling myself? So these are some of the negative thoughts that I have realized I have left unchecked:

“Re-Gaining weight is inevitable. I’ve lost it before and it just comes back. Plus, it takes me months to lose what I can gain in one week. Life is stressful and it is not possible to ALWAYS maintain. “
“My body is incapable of losing weight. I try and I try and it just is harder for me then other people.”
“Oh, the weight I am at is good enough. I don’t need to try to lose any more weight. Why bother. I am fine with where I am at.”
“‘ya know, I AM getting older, I don’t deserve to have the body of a young 20 something. Anyways, even if I did get to my ideal weight, I’d never be able to maintain it, so what’s the point”
“I don’t have anything to share out loud with the group at my WW meetings. Nothing of value at least. What do they want to hear from me- Remember ME? the one who has failed at WW umpteen times?”
“I can’t keep being on program week after week after week. It takes too long to lose the weight and I don’t beleive that in the end I can keep it off.”

So, I will say that as I wrote these, I was wanting to erase everyone of them and not actually click “publish.” They sound like a whiny, insecure, negative person. And that is not how I see myself! And when actually written they sound SO much worse then when they were tiny seedlings of a thought in me. But as I wrote, they flowed out of me a lot more freely then I thought they would. If I am really honest, deep down, these are the messages my being tries to hang on to. Sure, they come out of my mouth differently, because I know how to filter them and couch them into somewhat acceptable beliefs on the outside, but inside I really need to let them go, and only in being totally honest will that happen.

So for a future post, I think I need to re-write the script of the negative posts and write my own new positive script. Ya think?

Anyone LOVE WW E-tools?

mcjourney — Thu, 08 May 2008 02:23:23 +0000

I do- particularly I love tracking my points in the nifty program they have. Love it, love it. I tend to live on my laptop so it works for me. BUT- Here’s the thing- I worry that it might not be the best thing for me longterm? Any one have thoughts on this? I mean it’s not handy when I am on vacation or my computer goes on the fritz. It doesn’t force me to memorize point values. I worry its a little bit TOO easy. I ‘m really open to feedback on this. My thoughts as I have been reflecting on this is that a) it is a tool and tools usually have a period when they are useful and when they are less than useful so it may not serve me forever and b) when it comes time for me to end my relationship with e-tools, I probably can create a plan to transition by starting to explore other tools that might work instead for me. . Hmmm. .
Others?

Weigh In: -1.8

mcjourney — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:33:33 +0000

Sigh of relief. It’s working. Yes, I know, the program works, but I just have had so many times in the last 6 years of being stuck. But I’m going on week 4 and feeling like things are clicking. I even wasn’t “perfect” last week and I still lost. I am extra focused this week so hopefully that un-perfectness from last week doesn’t bite me in the but this next week.

Goal for this week: Not to weigh myself daily. Self, trust that you know what your doing, you will weigh in next Tuesday and that is enough feedback for now. Don’t “cling” to the daily scale reading- trust the plan for the week.

Week 1: -1.4

Week 2: -1.2

Week 3: -1.8

TOTAL -4.4

Next Mini Goal: Lose 5 pounds; Only .6 pounds to go

Mini Goal after that: Lose another 3 pounds (182) to enter healthy BMI range

Achieved a mini-goal by surprise

mcjourney — Tue, 06 May 2008 04:57:10 +0000

When I first started blogging, I had trouble tapping into what it was that was driving my weightloss efforts. It wasn’t body image, it wasn’t trying to please someone, and it wasn’t really about being healthier. I finally realized that it came down to wanting to feel like and look like an athlete.

So I set that as one of my goals. And today, I unanimously declare (true I was the only vote- so of course its unanimous), that I have achieved that goal. The funny thing is that I thought that I wouldn’t accheive that goal until I was closer to my goal weight- I’ve barely started losing weight- but I am feeling so strong and getting fitter and fitter everyday that I just feel like an athlete again. And it feels good.

So why today? Today marked two weeks of me consistently biking. AND it marked mile number 100!! I have biked 100 miles in the past 14 days. I am so proud of me. And I am SO loving it.

So today, I reclaim my identify as an athlete. And tomorrow I am giving my sore bum a break.

Mini goals

mcjourney — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:15:19 +0000

I am aiming to reach my first Mini Goal

GOAL: Lose 5 pounds

Total lost to date: -2.6
Pounds left to lose: 2.4

Go me!

Excel graphs don’t lie

mcjourney — Mon, 05 May 2008 04:12:12 +0000

Yes, this graph probably screams WAY too much time on my hands. But I was curious. I have a graph of my current weightloss journey, but being that I have been a Weight Watcher since 1999, what would my graph look like for the past almost 9 years. (OMG 9 years!) Well, it isn’t pretty. But it also is the truth and I needed to see it.

Several key things stood out for me:

Lie: I have been telling myself that I am a WW Lifetimer that just needed to get back down to my lifetime goal.

Truth: I have not consistently stayed at or under goal since September 2002! Sure I maintained for the first 2 1/2 years (commendable), but I HAVE NOT BEEN AT GOAL for almost 6 years. [Turqoise line is the high end of WW healthy weight range for my heigh, pink link is my goal weight (AND I might add my goal weight was my easy goal, not even my ideal goal)]

Lie: I have been telling myself that, thankfully, I have never bought a ticket on the yo-yo diet train.

Truth: Hello! You are ALL over the graph. Now I know why I have had such a negative attitude and why I have started to believe that re-gaining the weight is inevitable. I have fluctuated from 177-193 for 6 years!!!

Lie: I have been telling myself that I am GOOD at following the plan as a lifestyle

Truth: I’ll refer the jurors to exhibit A. Uh, NO, I don’t think so. Something hasn’t worked.

Lie: I had all these ideas in my head of WHY/WHAT caused me to gain weight at certain times (specific health problems , life transitions, stressful times, etc).

Truth: Yes, some of those things contributed to my weight gain, but I can’t keep having excuses. Life happens- weight gain is not justifiable in all circumstances. Sure there will be a gain here or there, but again, I refer you the the atrocity that is exhibit A.

So what’s a girl to do about this? Reflections on that question coming in a future post…..

So glad to have my laptop back in my arms

mcjourney — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:20:01 +0000

I haven’t journaled what I’ve eaten for 4 days. Tonight I am having a good CORE stir fry and tomorrow is back to tracking (My computer got sent to the repair shop and it got me all out of sorts.)My eating has slid from perfection this past week, but still hung on to good lessens (portions, water, were pretty good). I think I might at least maintain this week if not lose. Activity points might save me and I think that even though I didn’t stay on my Core food list, I think my choices were still below my points were I on flex.

I have been great on activity. The WEATHER IS SO SO SO NICE lately!!! I have logged 495 minutes in the past two weeks- all outside-, and averaged 60 minutes each time. I’ve starting biking regularily for the first time in life and I am loving it! I think my reward for meeting the May excerise challenge should be new bike gear (jersey? helmet?)I am FEELING much more tone in my core and legs. I feel good. powerful. We have two short but steep hills into our neighborhood- so it always comes at the END of the ride. And I used to fear the hills, but not any longer. They still kick my but, but I am not afriad any more.

I’ve had lots of weigthloss/maintenance thoughts running through my head- ponderings- I am going to collect them and then come back and blog again. I’ve had some epiphanies that I wanted to make sure to write down for me.

May Exercise goals

mcjourney — Mon, 05 May 2008 01:00:26 +0000

These are my goals, a to-do list actually-

Measure myself and post measurements
Exercise 15 times in the month
Weights class 1x a week (at least)
Continue to post activity here
Think of an reward(i LOVE my lucy pants that I got for my January award)