I’ve moved. You can find my blog posts here Blog to Lose
I’ll continue to maintain my other pages on this sight:
I’ve been blogging a lot lately on the “good” days. The days I am jazzed and excited and doing well. To keep it real I am posting today, even though its not one of those days.
Heachache
Tired
Stressed
Little bit of grief
I have been snacking mindlessly today on things I haven’t normally been eating. Thankfully, I will have over 20 FP left to go (end of my week is Monday). So I am still doing well program wise. But, today could be one of those days that derails me if I don’t keep an eye on things.
Its 6pm, husband is napping next to me, i might just rest for a while too. Shake this headache, go for a short walk, and then do some laundry and get prepped for a new day tomorrow.
I feel like I have been saying this a lot lately- But I feel so good! and I am so dang proud of myself. I feel good, good, good. I could list the reasons why, but its basically everything. Things are clickin’ more often then they are not. But I’ve been thinking about attitude lately, and positive thinking- and it really got me thinking (okay, my high school English teacher would hack that sentence to pieces).
Sometimes I ignore my weekly WW pamphlets ( I have joined so many stickin’ times that I feel like I could open a WW library of pamphlets). But now and a again something clicks for me. I really like the booklet (#3) “Think First,” (The Habit profile quiz in the front was really quite insightful, I thought it would be cheezy, but I was impressed actually.) Anyways, several things stood out- one of them I wanted to put into writing: An area of focus for me that his survey highlighted is to “Manage your thoughts,” basically positive thinking = positive outcomes. I read this for the first time and it talks about replacing negative thoughts with positive. And I honestly had to stop and think (for several days actually) what the negative thoughts were. My negativity was so much a part of the culture of my brain that i could no longer easily identify the negative thoughts from the positive. Sad, huh?
Here are some blirbs from the section of the WW booklet:
- “Research shows that people who succeed on weight-loss plans believe they’ll succeed.”
- “Negative thoughts creep into most people’s minds. But for some of us, they kind of take over- and we don’t even realize its happening. Negative thoughts come in the form of all-or-nothing thinking [I’m never eating chocolate again!”], absolute thinking [”i should or “I ought”], and self-fulfilling prophecies [i can’t].”
- Ultimately, “We believe what we tell ourselves.”
So I decided to uncover those negative thoughts and see what it was that I have really been telling myself? So these are some of the negative thoughts that I have realized I have left unchecked:
- “Re-Gaining weight is inevitable. I’ve lost it before and it just comes back. Plus, it takes me months to lose what I can gain in one week. Life is stressful and it is not possible to ALWAYS maintain. “
- “My body is incapable of losing weight. I try and I try and it just is harder for me then other people.”
- “Oh, the weight I am at is good enough. I don’t need to try to lose any more weight. Why bother. I am fine with where I am at.”
- “‘ya know, I AM getting older, I don’t deserve to have the body of a young 20 something. Anyways, even if I did get to my ideal weight, I’d never be able to maintain it, so what’s the point”
- “I don’t have anything to share out loud with the group at my WW meetings. Nothing of value at least. What do they want to hear from me- Remember ME? the one who has failed at WW umpteen times?”
- “I can’t keep being on program week after week after week. It takes too long to lose the weight and I don’t beleive that in the end I can keep it off.”
So, I will say that as I wrote these, I was wanting to erase everyone of them and not actually click “publish.” They sound like a whiny, insecure, negative person. And that is not how I see myself! And when actually written they sound SO much worse then when they were tiny seedlings of a thought in me. But as I wrote, they flowed out of me a lot more freely then I thought they would. If I am really honest, deep down, these are the messages my being tries to hang on to. Sure, they come out of my mouth differently, because I know how to filter them and couch them into somewhat acceptable beliefs on the outside, but inside I really need to let them go, and only in being totally honest will that happen.
So for a future post, I think I need to re-write the script of the negative posts and write my own new positive script. Ya think?
I do- particularly I love tracking my points in the nifty program they have. Love it, love it. I tend to live on my laptop so it works for me. BUT- Here’s the thing- I worry that it might not be the best thing for me longterm? Any one have thoughts on this? I mean it’s not handy when I am on vacation or my computer goes on the fritz. It doesn’t force me to memorize point values. I worry its a little bit TOO easy. I ‘m really open to feedback on this. My thoughts as I have been reflecting on this is that a) it is a tool and tools usually have a period when they are useful and when they are less than useful so it may not serve me forever and b) when it comes time for me to end my relationship with e-tools, I probably can create a plan to transition by starting to explore other tools that might work instead for me. . Hmmm. .
Others?
Sigh of relief. It’s working. Yes, I know, the program works, but I just have had so many times in the last 6 years of being stuck. But I’m going on week 4 and feeling like things are clicking. I even wasn’t “perfect” last week and I still lost. I am extra focused this week so hopefully that un-perfectness from last week doesn’t bite me in the but this next week.
Goal for this week: Not to weigh myself daily. Self, trust that you know what your doing, you will weigh in next Tuesday and that is enough feedback for now. Don’t “cling” to the daily scale reading- trust the plan for the week.
Week 1: -1.4
Week 2: -1.2
Week 3: -1.8
TOTAL -4.4
Next Mini Goal: Lose 5 pounds; Only .6 pounds to go
Mini Goal after that: Lose another 3 pounds (182) to enter healthy BMI range
When I first started blogging, I had trouble tapping into what it was that was driving my weightloss efforts. It wasn’t body image, it wasn’t trying to please someone, and it wasn’t really about being healthier. I finally realized that it came down to wanting to feel like and look like an athlete.
So I set that as one of my goals. And today, I unanimously declare (true I was the only vote- so of course its unanimous), that I have achieved that goal. The funny thing is that I thought that I wouldn’t accheive that goal until I was closer to my goal weight- I’ve barely started losing weight- but I am feeling so strong and getting fitter and fitter everyday that I just feel like an athlete again. And it feels good.
So why today? Today marked two weeks of me consistently biking. AND it marked mile number 100!! I have biked 100 miles in the past 14 days. I am so proud of me. And I am SO loving it.
So today, I reclaim my identify as an athlete. And tomorrow I am giving my sore bum a break.
I am aiming to reach my first Mini Goal
GOAL: Lose 5 pounds
Total lost to date: -2.6
Pounds left to lose: 2.4
Go me!
Yes, this graph probably screams WAY too much time on my hands. But I was curious. I have a graph of my current weightloss journey, but being that I have been a Weight Watcher since 1999, what would my graph look like for the past almost 9 years. (OMG 9 years!) Well, it isn’t pretty. But it also is the truth and I needed to see it.
Several key things stood out for me:
Lie: I have been telling myself that I am a WW Lifetimer that just needed to get back down to my lifetime goal.
Truth: I have not consistently stayed at or under goal since September 2002! Sure I maintained for the first 2 1/2 years (commendable), but I HAVE NOT BEEN AT GOAL for almost 6 years. [Turqoise line is the high end of WW healthy weight range for my heigh, pink link is my goal weight (AND I might add my goal weight was my easy goal, not even my ideal goal)]
Lie: I have been telling myself that, thankfully, I have never bought a ticket on the yo-yo diet train.
Truth: Hello! You are ALL over the graph. Now I know why I have had such a negative attitude and why I have started to believe that re-gaining the weight is inevitable. I have fluctuated from 177-193 for 6 years!!!
Lie: I have been telling myself that I am GOOD at following the plan as a lifestyle
Truth: I’ll refer the jurors to exhibit A. Uh, NO, I don’t think so. Something hasn’t worked.
Lie: I had all these ideas in my head of WHY/WHAT caused me to gain weight at certain times (specific health problems , life transitions, stressful times, etc).
Truth: Yes, some of those things contributed to my weight gain, but I can’t keep having excuses. Life happens- weight gain is not justifiable in all circumstances. Sure there will be a gain here or there, but again, I refer you the the atrocity that is exhibit A.
So what’s a girl to do about this? Reflections on that question coming in a future post…..
I haven’t journaled what I’ve eaten for 4 days. Tonight I am having a good CORE stir fry and tomorrow is back to tracking (My computer got sent to the repair shop and it got me all out of sorts.)My eating has slid from perfection this past week, but still hung on to good lessens (portions, water, were pretty good). I think I might at least maintain this week if not lose. Activity points might save me and I think that even though I didn’t stay on my Core food list, I think my choices were still below my points were I on flex.
I have been great on activity. The WEATHER IS SO SO SO NICE lately!!! I have logged 495 minutes in the past two weeks- all outside-, and averaged 60 minutes each time. I’ve starting biking regularily for the first time in life and I am loving it! I think my reward for meeting the May excerise challenge should be new bike gear (jersey? helmet?)I am FEELING much more tone in my core and legs. I feel good. powerful. We have two short but steep hills into our neighborhood- so it always comes at the END of the ride. And I used to fear the hills, but not any longer. They still kick my but, but I am not afriad any more.
I’ve had lots of weigthloss/maintenance thoughts running through my head- ponderings- I am going to collect them and then come back and blog again. I’ve had some epiphanies that I wanted to make sure to write down for me.
These are my goals, a to-do list actually-
- Measure myself and post measurements
- Exercise 15 times in the month
- Weights class 1x a week (at least)
- Continue to post activity here
- Think of an reward(i LOVE my lucy pants that I got for my January award)
Tired.
Could be derailing.
Going to sleep, and putting it back together tomorrow.
Lots of healthy food in the fridge- take a few minutes to pack it for lunch.
Biked home from work again today. 14 miles. Feels good.
Drinking my water. Going to sleep.
Tomorrow is a new day.
One of those days. I just don’t feel satisfied. I know its not really about the food. I have eaten well (shredded wheat, milk, unsweetened applesauce, berries, chicken and vegetables) so I shouldn’t be hungry. I am tired. I am crabby. I think I am getting AF today, but even that has me worried because it hasn’t even been three weeks since the D&C. Isn’t that a bit early? If it is AF, I will be SO happy to finally have my cycles back and my body healing, but if it isn’t then what… Sigh. Sorry for the grumpiness. Boy, it sure sounds like the crankiness of AF…. (I hae never been SO happy to get mine then I am right now)
On a happier note. I bought news jeans last week. They are size 16- I’m not happy about that, but the jeans feel and look good on me and that makes me so happy. And they are long enough (I am 5′ 11″ with long inseam). Having clothes that you feel good in is SO important regardless of the scale.
Goal starting on Tuesday this week is to only use 15 of my Flex points and get to the gym twice.
Today was a good day. I made up my mind, that today was going to be a stellar day food wise and it has been. I must admit that as soon as I had hit publish on my last post- ya know, the one in which I brag about my super hero self-control powers?- Yep, well that confidence was a bit over- inflated. 
I proceeded to eat nearly three bread sticks at the Olive Garden and more liquor then I have had in a long time. Overall, it is okay. I had planned on trying NOT to use all my FP, but as it stands with AP factored in I still have 2 FPs to use.
But today- I cooked a ton of kebobs (Love kebabs) AND have some chicken breasts marinading in the fridge. Enough protein probably to get me through next weekend (depending on how much the hubby eats. He, I have found, is sure enjoying having lots of protein sources readily available in the fridge. I have to pretty much triple what I would usually cook so taht we both have enough for lunches.
And hubby and I biked 16 miles today- That’s a total of about 43 miles this week for me. I feel so good.
The funny thing is, even though I am only barely back on program- I am feeling pretty good- feeling like, well an active person (dare I say an athlete). When I started this blog I did some soul searching as to WHY I wanted to lose weight. I pretty much have come to be comfortable (more or less) in my body. So the “ick I don’t like my body” is no longer a big enough motivator. However, I realized that my motivation is truly wanting to FEEL and look like an athlete. I think of myself as an athlete, but no longer feel like one. So getting biking this week has been perfect for me. Next week I want to bike 2-3 times again and add in my weight lifting class again.
A dear dear friend of my husband’s made us a cheescake and left it on my door. And I am absolutely in awe of two things- one, it is the best darn cheesecake I have EVER had. and two, i ATE A SMALL SLICE AND i AM TOTALLY CONTENT. Now, folks, this isn’t me. What in the world. Just a few weeks ago I would be on my second piece before stopping to think about it and let the “uh oh- what did I just do?” feeling sink in. And I still have like 25 FPs left- which is really good. I have had to work at not using them (i’m on CORE). Last week I used all 35 in the first two days. This week its day three and i’ve only used 10 or so.
And, I biked 14 miles- over an hour- from work to home. I feel like I could conquer the world.
I wish I could bottle up this centeredness, this being in the grove, this ability to nourish my body rather than letting food control me. Why do we get off course? How is it that we come to beleive this way of life is deprivation?
I still have some room to eat a bit more tonight- Then I am done with Day 3 of week 2 of Core.
I am off until Monday and my exercise lately has been riding bike home from work. I need to find activity to add in on non-work days. That’s my task this weekend.
I’ve been home from work several hours and what have I been doing? reading blogs…and all the while letting myslef getting hungrier, and hungrier and hungrier. I just didn’t have it in me to make dinner tonight. And I didn’t have a lot of easy fixes to just grab and eat. But I knew that if I didn’t tear myself away from mindless internet searching, I was going to eat anything in sight pretty soon. So I made myself scrambled egg whites with a little bit of cheese and half a whole wheat english muffin and the edge is off of my hunger. Hubby is making turkey burritos for us to have on hand for the next couple of days and I put some sweet potato fries in the oven for a lunch/snack tomorrow. So, i was able to keep in the groove tonight and not let my hunger get out of control. Overall i felt hungrier today- just wanted to grab some junk food- I didn’t, so that was good, but its definitely a different kind of day when you have to work at it compared to the “woo-hoo this is easy days.”
On another note- I’ve been reflecting a lot about my ultimate “goal.” Its interesting how much energy and effort, willpower and dreaming one can put into that magic end number. I remember spending weeks and sometimes months losing that last five pounds or even tenths of a pound to get to goal. When in reality, those tenths of pounds come and go so easily. So is it worth that last push? Maybe. But I also feel like I need to add to my focus the idea of maintaining in a weight range. Cuz- truly- life happens. And I just feel like I am always going to go up and down and my aim should be to minimizing the range of ups and down. Or is that just an excuse to allow for gaining? Maybe we need both- that magic end point and then a window of grace for fluctuations? And as much as I think that I also struggle with these thoughts: currently I find that I am pretty content with my body as long as I am under 183 or so. So if I get to my magic high 160s number, and then “fluctuate” up to the mid 170s again, have I failed? Even if its within the “healthy” weight range? What is an appropirate range to gain? And if I get to my magic number, will I never again be content at a higher weight? Will that magic number always lure be as a finite end goal?
I know these are largely unanswerable. The understanding neccesary will come in the living it out- but I do sure wonde.r Anyways, these are just some thoughts for now becuase my brain keeps coming back to this. Not sure what to make of it all, but it will come out of me eventually.
So I think its helpful for me to acknowledge the fact that this first 11 pounds or so is mentally a bit tougher to lose. By aknowledging that I think it will allow me to not give up so easily. Its hard in that I have already lost, and re-lost and re-lost this weight from 190 to 179. I just need to admit that I HAVE NOT been maintaing, as I like to tell myself. I have been yo-yoing, on a small scale, but still its a yo yo.
179 feels good to me. I am happy there. And once I get there, losing the weight to get to 169 will be a new challenge, it won’t be losing what I should have kept off in the first place. Now, this first phase just feels like I am washing the kitchen dishes after I JUST ran them through the wash machine. It feels like such a poor use of time to have to lose this same weight again. I wrote in my last post that I now have said good bye to the 190s for good. And I am really looking forward to waving goodbye to the 180s for good as well. One and a half pounds lost, 9 and a half pounds more to lose until I leave the 180s.
In a future post, I think I need to really do some soul searching as to why I am re-losing this weight again. I was thinking it would be helpful to have a visual- a graph of my weight over the years, with significant life events to try to understand what were the triggers to get me of course.
Yep, yep, yep- I’m on my way.
Conversation with myself: “Good week, self. Now, do it again. One day at a time, one week at a time. This is how it is going to be. Planning, persistence, choices, give and take. This is it- in it for the long run. I don’t want to see you back at this number again- never again in the 190s- this is the third time (9/1999, 9/2007, 4/2008). No more excuses. Life is going to get busy- it is just that way. Crisis and grief happen- it is just that way. It is not an excuse for being back in the 190s again. Adios 190s. I am more than happy to never see you again. Remember, self, you like this new me. You do. You are in control, healthy, and meeting your needs- your real needs, not perceived needs. You can do it. See you again next Tuesday at WI”
Today at my WW meeting there was a mother and daughter. They both joined ww the same day. Both made goal on the same day and today they had both achieved lifetime. Daughter had lost 48 and mom had lost 45. I was and am inspired. They looked SO good. They were just beaming. . as they should. Amazing. I walked away tonight thinking, “ya know, I know my “safe” goal is in the 170s, but I really really want AND deserve to be in the 160s. I am capable. I just need to keep refocusing. Week by week.”
Day 1- Take 2! Let’s do it all over again.
I knew that I would now……
Got a little song in my step and I feel good.
MAn! This healthy lifestyle would be SO easy if it was always this easy. I feel SO good. I am loving the foods I am eating, I am satisfied, content, feeling like me again- even better. It has been exhilarating.
I can’t even begin to say enough about this process of cutting way back on sugar/carbs. It has been hard but SO worth it. I feel so good being off the sugar roller coaster- I have really been trying to focus on how good I feel so that when I have the urge to down some sugar for the “high” feeling I get that I recall that this ultimately feels better.
Biked 14 miles home from work today with hubby. Aaaahhh. . i just love it.
Eating really well- core foods are SO filling. I just love it. I have gone way over my 35 points of non-core but I really think it has been okay. My non core foods have been decent choices and if i count my overall daily points I am doing quite well. Tomorrow is WI. Week 2 I feel confident I can stay under 35 points.
So I feel a bit off the wall going from “woo hoo, life is amazing, ya hoo” to the heavy stuff. The cards we are being dealt right now are so tough though. Last week was my week to come to the “I really can’t handle this all anymore” Tonight is my husbands turn to throw in the towel. I am beyond grateful we have each other, I just can’t believe what a good thing we have. But it feels like our world might crash in on us. I don’t necessarily believe in a devil per say but if I did this is the point I would say I feel like we are being attacked. The darkside of life, and injustice, and family issues is hitting us hard- and it just doesn’t stop. Every-time we turn around we are feeling beaten up. I think it has finally brought us to our knees…..
Inspired by Zazu who was inspired by Swizzlepop-
I need a pick me up, cuz I know I do really love my life-
Here is the list of my things in my life that are awesome
1. My husband. hands down the list could stop here. I never knew it was possible to know this kind of love.
2. We both are ready, really ready, to be parents. I spent way too much time in the past worrying that we wouldn’t come to be “ready” at the same time. We are ready and (on most days) hopeful.
3. Travels- been to most of the U.S. states and almost a dozen countries. Can’t wait to see more! Love sharing this with my husband.
4. Grateful to have my mom and dad in my life and other close family members.
5. I LIKE exersize (sure I find excuses, but I really LIKE it)
6. I love our condo and its location- walking distance to everything, truly feels home, love that it is small and simple and that we choose not to keep up with the jones’
7. Grateful that I had the chance to go to college (undergrad and Masters)
8. My husband and I have been through a lot in our short marriage. People tell us they are inspired by who we are and our faith during the valleys. Some days this is hard to believe that they really see this in us. I sure don’t feel it- but I value the fact that we can share our story- even the dark periods.
9. My close friends- I don’t know what I would do without you.
10. Health. Even with the small bumps in the road, my body is well. This amazes me.
I’m SO glad that I kicked my sugar roller coaster. I am feeling SO good. I have been able to be on CORE for pretty much two days now. The first two days back on program I used over 35 of my extra points. oops. but now I am in the grove (planning ahead is a great concept- duh!). So even though I have used to many of my non-core points- overall, i have eaten the RIGHT amount of points (if I were counting points). So HOPEFULLY.
i would love to lose weight at my WI on tuesday but i am going to really try to take things in stride this time and as long as I am eating well not worry about tenths of a pound. We’ll see
Tonight I finally had a reprieve from the headaches. Today I feel like my blood sugars stabilized a bit. I ate on CORE almost all day (which is probably why the former things worked in my favor). And we unexpectantly went out for Indian food tonight. I chose a green mixed salad and only had a bit of rice and a tiny bit of Naan. And, I stopped at one point and realized I was full. My stomach was content, satisfied. It brought a smile to my face sitting at the restaurant. In that moment I wasn’t eating to tame my sugar beast. I ate to nourish and stopped when I needed to.
Here’s to tomorrow. . here I come again
I told a friend today that I had rejoined WW to lose the weight I gained while pregnant and lose the weight I had been trying to lose before I found out I was pregnant. This conversation came right after me talking about how I was struggling emotionally in juggling all the balls of life right now. She asked if I really wanted to be adding WW to my plate right now. And I guess it made me realize that caring for my body is really the best thing for me to be focusing on. I am glad that physically I am feeling up to getting back on track. I’m grateful to be back.
Core and Sugar
Today is day 4 back on track. I am doing CORE. I love it for so many reasons. It is really what I need right now. I originally was scared that I wouldn’t be able to control my calories on CORE, that I wouldn’t stop eating when I am full. AND I worried i couldn’t lose weight on Core. Well, i still don’t know if CORE will be as effective at losing weight, but I have decided I don’t care. I have learned so much in switching to Core (i had started core earlier and done it for several weeks pre-pregnancy). I am learning that I AM in control when it comes to the Core foods, I almost never over eat and get stuffed on those foods. The biggest thing I have learned, is that (at least for now) I do not know what feeling hungry really feels like. What I mean is that I don’t know the hunger in the stomach type hunger. The “hunger” I have been responding to (for a really long time) is low blood sugar discomfort. AND I think this has been exacerbated by possibly a sugar addiction (rush/crash/rush/crash, etc). These first 4 days of having very little sugar or processed foods I have physically felt awful- my body is going through withdrawal I think. The headaches have been severe. But I did a lot of online reading and I trust it will get better. I really look forward to getting my this aspect under control so I can start learning to respond to stomach hunger and not only being controlled by my need for SUGAR.
Today I have pre-planned a lot of Core foods for easy eating so hopefully i can ONLY eat core today. I ate 39.5 out of my 35 extra points already and its only been three days. So, i’ll have to work on that. I think i should start blogging what I spend my 35 points on so i can track those choices. This week some of them were bagels, feta cheese, deli meat, craisens, cream cheese, two cookies, chocolate cake. Not terrible choices , but could be better. At least they have been in moderation.
Choosing the magic number
Roni’s question of the day was how did you pick that magic number, the ultimate goal weight. I wrote in my blog that my goal is 170-175. That is actually my “less risk” goal. To be honest, I have always had this “number’ in my head that I wanted to get to. i really would like to be back in the 160s. The lowest I have been at since I started WW was 172-174. My lifetime goal was 177 and I was able to maintain that for quite a while (I would bounce between 174-179). But I never believed I could actually get down to the 160s so I settled for 177. And I did feel healthy at 177 and pretty happy with how I looked. BUT. . i still want the 160s. For a long time I wondered if that number was just random and if I really needed to get down to the weight to love how I looked. So I started paying close attention the the WW success stories online. And I would look up their height and final weight and compare it to the WW guidelines chart for healthy weight. AND EVERY after picture that really inspired me that was a body figure I would like to look like (every single one) was right around the maximum weight for 25 year olds and under (give or take a few pounds or so). I was amazed at how consistent it was. So, I looked at the high end range for 25 year olds for my height (even though I am beyond 25!) and the number. ? …? is 165. So, it validated that my magic number may very well be a healthy weight and a realistic goal. I don’t yet believe that I can maintain 165 let alone even get down to that weight. But I am working on mentally talking myself through that. Because I really want to keep that as my end goal- I want to beleive that some day somehow I will get there!! Coming to grips with the fact that sugar currently has power over me has actually given me some hope that I can a) get my sugar roller coaster under control and b) solve some of my ups and downs and plateaus that kept me from getting to the 160s before.
I have a post I have been working on with lots of reflections post-miscarriage related to pregnancy, body image, weight loss and maintencance, and lifestyle and choices. However, its long, and muddy, and I just haven’t been able to finish it. So in the name of at least starting to post regularily once again I am opting for the unorganized, but better than nothing post.
- Today is day one back at WW. Tried out a new time and leader and I was pleased. (wasn’t liking my old leader, so this is positive)
- Going to re- update all my goals. I had gotten up to 195 during and right after pregnancy, but as my hormones are leveling out I think I am losing water probably. cuz thankfully I was only 190.6 at WI. 196 is my highest weight ever. 185 was what I weighed in at my last meeting before I stopped going due to pregnancy. see goals page for me goals.
- I wore a sweater, long sleeve shirt, and jeans at weigh in today. That’s a first for me. I am really really going to try hard to not play the games I usually do- peeing just before WI, only weighing the same lightweight clothes, etc.- as hard as it is, if this is a lifestyle I really want to try to not let the scale have THAT much power.
- I have trouble getting back in the grove of exercise if things in life get out of sync. I am either really consistent or not. I need to work at allowing for life’s hiccups (i.e. surgery, illness, busyness) without losing ALL activity in my life. Remember, self, I really do LIKE exersize.
- Staying on program is REALLY REALLY hard while pregnant (at least my two months of experiencing it). I need to do some reflecting on this.
- I am starting out doing CORE. Three reasons for this 1) less sugars and processed foods 2) to keep my honest (i have done points for so long i need something that makes me work a bit at it) and 3) I am finding that I don’t know if I have ANY idea whatsoever how to only eat when I am hungry and only eat until I am content. I honestly think my bloodsugars (and any other physcial ailments) drive when I eat.
That’s all for now. I am really really tired these days, but glad to be back and hoping I can be gracious and patient with myself as I ease back in to things.
i’m still here. But so overwhelmed with sorting things out in my head. Found out a week ago that this pregnancy is probably not viable. So what next? we wait. wait until my next ultrasound april 4th or until i miscarry naturally. in the meantime all my pregnancy symptoms have faded- which isn’t a good sign in terms of the pregnancy, but for my sanity it is a blessing. To be feeling physcially awful every day AND know the pregnancy isn’t viable would have been even worse.
Being patient is hard.
I’m glad I posted today- even if I didn’t say much. As soon as I know what’s happening, i am looking forward to being back more regularily.