Life Cereal + Soy milk + Banana. 3-4 tsp sugar

Cheetos - 1 serving. I counted them. It was more than I thought it would be.

Lite Iced Coffee + Milano Cookies : 3 tsp sugar

Granola Bar: < 2 tsp sugar

yaya did pretty good for the part i kept track of :P…. just gonna post it like this, I don’t remember. It was almost a week ago.

It’s now thursday. My last completed post was also thursday, a week ago. I have a saved draft for friday. I’ll probably post it as-is without finishing the day. I don’t really remember much.

The week in review:

Friday after work I went to the fireworks. That was pretty fun. Then I think I went to bed.

Saturday was the fair. I acctually ate fairly wel lfor such an event. It was a rainy day. It was beautiful. I walked out the door first thing in the morning to go to work and I started laughing. The sky was about 95% overcast. There were a few spots of blue out on the horizon. Shortly after I got to work, it started raining. It let up for a few minutes a few times in the afternoon. A few times during the day I checked the weather forcast online. The first time I checked it, the storm was all the way down the state (arizona) and moving northward. We got the whole thing. It was the most beautiful thing. I love rain. My umbrella and I snuggled up and browsed what was left of the fair by the time I got over there. Half the booths were shut down and nearly everyone was inside for the talent show. I couldn’t find a seat so I just went into the other room where the speakers were on and listened til Michael went on, then I went and watched. I helped with the auction afterward. That was a blast. I don’t know how to explain shortly how the auction was fun, but it was. I sat in a very good spot. The auctioneer’s wife was sitting just in front of me and he would act like he couldn’t see her bidding. Other women I knew I could see reaching over and smacking their husband cause he wasn’t bidding on stuff they wanted. As a bit of background, every item in these auctions is donated. This year’s funds are going to the roof over the school, they added onto it. Finally got the chem lab now that I’m gone *twitches* oh well, i’m in chemestry now HAHAH ;). So, we raised 35,000 =) that was cool. Plus whatever they earned from the booths. It was 22,000 minus cost. Ok.. next day.

Sunday. Got up, had breakfast… umm.. a pretty typical sunday for me.. I don’t really remember much about sunday except t hat night is when my binge started.

I resisted it fairly well through monday, though I craved chocolate constantly. Sunday or monday night I ate more than I should have at any time and it was in the middle of the night. I didn’t really restrain myself much tuesday or wednesday. Wednesday night Is when the binge really hit. I only stopped eating when swallowing was painful. I have no idea why I was all moody for the past 3 days. I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotions and trying to be happy.  I didn’t break down and cry on anyone, but I did some venting at one point on wednesday. Blah. My stomach hurts today but… I’ve managed to hop off the emotional roller coaster ride. Maybe I can hop back on the diet wagon. I originally signed on to resign but something Changed my mind. I think I’ll keep blogging even if I don’t really take much action. I’ve been too busy to get anything done lately. Hopefully I’ll be able to take care of that all.

 Last night was horrible. I felt like I couldn’t eat enough. And when I was too full to eat anymore. I drank water. I was somewhat surprised that I could. It reminded me of the story of the mayonnaise jar and the ping pong balls  (or were they golf balls?)

If you’ve never heard the story, it goes something like this.

One day a professor walks into his class. He pulls an empty mayonnaise jar out of his bag. He fills the jar full of ping pong balls. He asks the students if the jar is full. They all agree that it is. He then pours some marbles into the jar, filling up the spaces between the ping pong balls. He asks the students, again, if the jar is full. Once more they all agree that the jar is full. He then pours sand into the jar. The students, once more, agree that the jar is full. Then, the teacher pours his coffee into the jar, filling up the cracks between the sand. He explains that the ping pong balls are the important things in your life, family, friends, the marbles are things less important, and the sand something less important than that. (I don’t remember exactly what was said.) If you fill up your life first with unimportant things, you won’t be able to fit in what’s truely important. Also, no matter how full you think your life is, you always have room for a cup of coffee with a friend. =)

Thursday - Food Journal

I weighed myself last night. 282.5, up again :/

Breakfast: Life Cereal with soymilk and a banana

I’m torn whether or not to count soymilk in my sugars. It is sweetened, but then again, milk has sugar in it too. If I could drink milk, I’d be drinking milk, and not counting it toward my sugar. =-/

Snack: a banana

Lunch: skipped ’cause I was doing hmk

Throughout the morning & afternoon I had 1 liter of water.

Dinner: went to the same place as lunch

During class I had a packet of peanut m&ms and 1/2 liter of water

it’s now 10:30 pm and im not even hungry… better go to bed before that changes.

I didn’t get to bed before I got hungry. I ate sloppy Joe mix (ground meat, onions, in a tomato sauce) on a small whole wheat bun.

Evaluation:

I’m proud that: I didn’t have any sugary drinks today. I didn’t eat any candy or junkfood all day while at work. I wanted to a few times but I was too busy or I resisted

I shouldn’t have: Skipped meals entirely

What I can Change or do better with in the future: I’m not really sure. I was just too busy to eat and I’m not unsatisfied with anything else.

Wednesday - Food Journal

Sleep in. Go Shopping. Resist temptation due to not eating breakfast. Eat twice as much lunch as you normally would because you’re starving. Go to work. Come Home. Eat a high calorie dinner that includes a food that upsets your stomach. Go to class. Go to bed. You’ve just lived my day.

Breakfast: Non existent

Lunch: Two tuna sandwiches and a few hand-fulls of chips

Between: Light starbucks iced Coffee drink + Milano cookies. (about 4tsp sugar)

another snackie in here somewhere that was 5 tsp sugar, I remember adding it up, but I don’t remember what It was.

Cheetos.

Dinner: A burrito that i think was supposed to be an enchilada, but it wasn’t. Beef, sauce, cheese, more cheese, more freaking cheese in and covering a flour tortilla. It wasn’t that good.

During the day I kept track of my sugar … it was about 9 tsp but I don’t remember what it all was from.

Evaluation:

I’m proud that: I didn’t buy & eat junk at the store.

I shouldn’t have: eaten Chips. I only ate them because they were there. I didn’t really even want them.

What I can Change or do better with in the future: Eat breakfast. Think more about what I’m eating.

Food Group	Servings
Veggies	1/4 in tuna
Fruits	0
Water (8oz ea)	×××
Teaspoons of sugar	×××××××××
Habit Tracker
Calcium pill @ bed time	Y
3step Acne Prevention	N

Tuesday’s Food Journal 

Tuesday is a bit fuzzy. I know I slept in later than I meant to and that I was doing laundry most of the day. I went to the pharmacy for Grandma.

For Lunch I had about 2/3 plate of salad and the rest was stove top stuffing + cubed chicken and a fruit flavored soda.

I drank a pint of orange juice in the afternoon.

I don’t remember if I ate dinner or what it was if I did.

Evaluation:

I’m proud that: I kept to my 10 tsp rule

I shouldn’t have: umm.. skipped exercise.

What I can Change or do better with in the future: Um, Get up? =)

Monday - Food Journal

Well today’s been really a grazing munchy day.

First I had a coffee with 3 milano cookies.

I had a Lunchables cracker stacker around 11 I saved the candy bar out of it til later

I had the candy bar which made me want sweets really bad, i held off

I had canned fruit sometime after that

I had a 1oz bag of cheetos, but they spilled on the floor so i didnt really eat that many

I had a corn dog (they’re in the freezer… easy to make…) With ketchup & mustard
and chocolate milk (apparently i’ll eat anything that’s individually packaged…even if it can make me sick)

I had a bunch of fruit & nut mix

Around 4:30 while eating a milky way candy bar I decided I needed a drink. That is when it hit me. I’ve been thirsty all day. :/ bad nancy… No water all day… blah… finally figured it out, a few thousand calories later.

Evaluation:

I’m proud that: I tried to resist… and ended up eating better things than I would have had I just eaten what I first had the impulse to eat. For example, when I ate that fruit & nut mix I really wanted to finish off that bag of milano cookies.

I shouldn’t have: Everything. lol

What I can Change or do better with in the future: When I want a snack, drink water first. =)

My mood is going up and down up and down quite badly today. Earlier I was so down about this weekend. Just now I was practically flirting with my sister’s ex-boyfriend who she was going to marry at one point but then she dumped him, he’s married now to someone else, and has kids. Still, i’m a flirt… I gotta knock it off.. Some days I flirt with everyone I see. Blah. While I’m doing it I don’t really notice.

Gotta stop…

I’ve been feeling verytalkative all day, wanting to post everything that pops into my head. It has acctually been going on for a few days. Friday I was talking to someone I used to be close friends with but haven’t really talked to much in a few years and I told her that I lost 15 lbs… It was strange, because, outside of this blog, I usually completely avoid the subject of my weight. Somehow I knew she’d be excited for me, which she was. She’s living in Texas right now, for school. I made a joke that she might not recognize me when she comes back. That would be cool…

Saturday I did really well. Except for not getting enough fruits and veggies, I met all my other goals. I did better on saturday than I’ve done since I started blogging. It’s disheartening though, because saturday evening I felt poorly. Then on sunday I had that binge. I never would have thought that meeting my goals would make me feel worse. Here’s hoping that when I weigh in tomorrow it makes it all worth it.

Right now I’m between sizes too. A lot of clothes that fit last winter are too big but all my smaller stuff from a few years ago is too small. I feel grungy and sloppy in baggy clothes and I feel really fat and ugly in tight clothes so.. Baggy it is. 

Except, go figure, today i’m wearing clothes that are too tight. All my skirts are too tight right now. Nearly every single one of em. But my shirt is too small right now too… A few of my shirts have been big lately..  Just not this one.  I wore this outfit cause I love it. Well, at least my legs look nice, my belly looks awful … o.0 i think im just bloated. I hope i’m just bloated. *sigh*

Chart Stolen from http://www.consumer.gov/weightloss/bmi.htm

So, as you can see on my ticker in the left sidebar my bmi is “40 or greater” (41). The chart I used to use labled 35-40 “Very Obese” and 40 or greater “Morbidly Obese” maybe someone protested and they had to rename it. Anyway… “associated diseases” includes diabetes, heart disease, and the like … so… just a little reference chart. Also if you’re over 45 for men or 55 for women that’s another risk factor… hmm… the things I find … good to know I guess.

Breakfast : Fried Potatoes with ketchup, Scrambled eggs, Pancakes with butter and syrup. I don’t usually put butter on my pancakes but it sounded good today.

Dinner: More than half my plate covered with salad (1.5 - 2 cups) Chicken, a biscuit, Digiorno Pasta salad. The biscuit and pasta salad took up about as much room as the chicken. Chicken was about size of deck of cards but not as thick. The pasta salad was about a serving according to the package 3/4 cup I had about 1 cup of apple juice with dinner.

Digiorno Pasta salad : Basil Vinaigrette. The pasta salad is supposed to be made by adding 2 tbsp vinegar and 3 tbsp oil but I forgot to mix them in … it was still tasty. So.. I guess It’s only 120 calories (5 from fat) per serving. The box says 120/5 as packaged 200/80 as prepared. But I didnt put anything in that wasn’t in the box. lol =) This wasn’t the same salad that I have used before. I thought it was when I bought it, But now I know the one I bought before was their 3 cheese dressing one. They’re both tasty… The pasta includes dried zucchini, red and green bell peppers, olives, tomatos, and carrots that rehydrates while you cook the pasta. I think they’re really yummy.

Dessert: we were invited to the neighbors for their kids birthday. Their son turned 4 and their second daughter turned 1 on saturday. Cake & Ice cream… When I was asked if I wanted cake I didn’t realize that it included a scoop of ice cream or I would have asked to not have it.

Later that night: In the middle of the night I was hungry… and not only that I was craving every horribly unhealthy thing imaginable. First I ate two chips ahoy cookies (all that was left) then I took a tortilla (”taco size”), covered it in pepperoni, covered it in grated cheese, and microwaved it. Then I ate it. I’ve been craving fatty food for days and well.. The cravings are gone now… lol.

Evaluation:

I’m proud that: I didn’t continue to stuff myself after I had eaten enough. At BOTH MEALS I didn’t snack much during the day either.

I shouldn’t have: Eaten all that stuff in the middle of the night.

What I can Change or do better with in the future: When I’m craving something, give into just a little bit, that way I don’t go on a binge like I did last night.