have been tiring and emotional. It started yesterday morning when I went back to the ER to have my stitches removed, finally. I had a feeling that they weren’t really ready to come out but the doctor thought otherwise so the nurse came in and proceeded to butcher my finger as she attempted to do her best job of removing my stitches. I wanted to throw up - and I had no food to throw up because I had been there for 3 hours already, but I still wanted to throw up! lol…so I leave the ER with a bleeding finger but they say that it’s ok. Hmm…what do I know, I think. So I head on my merry way home. I take extra special care of it all evening and night while I prepare for this HUGE presentation I have at work tomorrow (or today rather) for the Texas Research Society on Alcoholism. I was too scared to take a shower last night, didn’t want to aggrevate my finger anymore so I put it off until this morning. I woke up, I was in a fantastic mood - even though it was a little gloomy outside. I put a finger cot on my finger (which was a bit painful to do but hey, that’s what they told me to do!) and proceeded to take a shower. I tried my best to not really use my left hand at all and when I did to hold back my middle finger (I’ve gotten SO good at this, haha) and I didn’t really have any pain in my finger during the whole shower. But I get out of the shower and look at my finger to see the whole thing is blood red, the tears began to form at that moment. I took off the finger cot and slowly, holding my breath, took off the bandage only to see my wound, gaping open, smiling at me - again - bleeding. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? I KNEW the stitches shouldn’t have come out yesterday, I just knew it! So here I am with a bleeding, open wound finger and I have 1.5 hours to get dressed and on campus for this presentation. So I cry while I get ready, bandage it up as best as I can and put a smile on my face and go to work and do my presentation. All the while I can just feel the wound opening up more along the suture line. So finally, I get done with the presentation, do a small amount of chatting and networking and then I get the hell out of dodge (even though I was supposed to be there until 5pm). I come home, change out of my nice work clothes and heels and head BACK over to the ER - my third visit - I hate this place. I came armed with books, ipod, magazine, water, snacks, you name it. And evidently, the more prepared you are, the less amount of time you have to wait - but I’m not complaining! I go back, am seen by a new doctor who agrees that the stitches probably shouldn’t have been taken out when they were (Ok, WHERE were you yesterday???) Since I form such easy scar tissue and keloids they are afraid to re-stitch it back up. So they clean it and put steri-strips all across the wound and then give me the number of a plastic surgeon to call about the scaring, etc.

So I am just pretty dang exhausted and in some discomfort. And it’s just going to get worse because I have to drive out of town tomorrow morning for my great uncle’s funeral where they want me to sing - and I’m so honored too but of course the allergies have been horrible here and I’m coughing up all sorts of pretty things so I don’t know how great I will sound tomorrow. But it’s just like man, can I catch a break please? Please please PLEASE!

Again, I hate to be negative or down but I needed to vent because this has just been exhausting and so frustrating - uhhh. Oh and what’s even more (and this is a little TMI) but evidently I stressed myself out so much I have made my you know what (I think it’s called TOM even though I don’t know what that stands for) come early. Like COME ON! Ohhh gosh, I guess it just gets to the point you HAVE to laugh or you will go crazy. Anyways…

THANK YOU to everyone for the positive support over my weight loss! I really appreciate it and hopefully after this stressful week I can continue to be successful for my next weigh in. I hope everyone is having a MUCH better day and 24 hours than me, lol

WOO HOO! I am SOOO excited about my loss! I had a bit of a difficult week last week BUT I didn’t give up, I didn’t beat myself up and I just stuck to the plan and MAN did it pay off!! I have just been on cloud 9 ALL day long!!

Come to think of it, it started yesterday evening. I was watching TV and flipping through the channels and came across Exercise on Demand and decided to scroll through it to see what all was available and then realized it was FREE!! FREE exercise videos? Are you SERIOUS?? I was ecstatic!! So while I still can’t do anything too intense because of my back, plus jumping around doesn’t make my finger feel too good either, I found an “in home” walking video. (not sure if this is the same video but close enough) 1 mile in 15 minutes! MAN did I jump aboard that train!! It felt SOOO great to work out again and I even worked up a sweat, definitely elevated my heart rate by moving my arms overhead, etc. It just made me so happy! And also, I slept like a baby last night! It’s amazing what exercise will do for you! So I am going to continue to do this routine every day and just slowly and in a healthy manner build up my back strength until I am able to do some other more advanced FREE work out routines!!

So yes, cloud 9 in deed! A work out yesterday, great morning stretches and an awesome weigh in! What more could a girl ask for? OH and not to mention the AWESOME news for our fellow blogger Robyn. Today has been a great day! I hope everyone else is having a wonderful, successful OP day as well! I have SO many more things to post that hopefully I will have time for later this afternoon and evening but I just wanted to share the good news now! WOO HOO!

So I’m reading my newest Fitness magazine and have come across several little fun/interesting facts that I thought I’d share with the community. Did you know that…

• 164 - the average weight in pounds of an American woman, who is, on average, 5′4″
• 9 - average number of times women ages 18 to 49 have seriously tried to lose weight
• 66,000 - average number of women who sought surgery to correct loose skin after weight loss

Like I said, I’m not even half-way through the magazine at this point but those were a couple interesting stats that stuck out in my mind. Especially the first one! It really surprised me. I mean, not REALLY because I know that everything that is portrayed in the media is FAR from “average” but it was just slightly surprisingly knowing the ACTUAL number and how so many of us are about that number! The things that make you go hmmmmm…

Stay tuned for more interesting facts AND I’m going to look for a link to a really interesting feature article I just read…it has information ALL of us can learn from.

Happy OP Tuesday!

It really has been a pleasant weekend. It hasn’t been jam packed with a bunch of things but the things that I DID do were very enjoyable.

Friday I came home after work, opened all the doors and windows and sat down to catch up on some of my shows (which now is a LOT - since hurting my back and only having time I became addicted to EVERYTHING! lol).

I spent Saturday with one of my best friends who is preggers - 7 months. We basically went “mall walking” hahaha, with a few purchases in between. I was also super impressed with myself because I was expecting us to eat lunch together, so I hadn’t eaten but she thought the other way and HAD already eaten. So I made myself some 2pt turkey roll ups (turkey breast and laughing cow cheese wedge) to keep my appetite at bay so I wouldn’t do anything crazy while at the mall, lol. I’m happy to report that it absolutely worked because I didn’t eat anything on our trip. We then came home and I did my friend’s make up for a date she was having with her fiance that evening. And can I just say, that it’s a REALLY great feeling to be able to make someone ELSE feel good or better about themselves with just a little bit of make-up. My friend has been feeling less than attractive at 7 months pregnant and has kind of been really down on herself. But it was amazing how her confidence was lifted with a little blush and eye make up. I felt good for helping her to feel good She keeps telling me I could be a make up artist but I don’t know about all that. I just think it’s fun!

Anywho, she left for her date and I promptly began to fix Roni’s Zucchini and Spaghetti Squash Lasagna and MMMMmmmmMMMMM it is GOOD!!! Super delicious and only 2 pts a serving! I mean how can life get any better than that? I have more than enough left over for tonight and lunch tomorrow. (P.S. thanks again Roni for the awesome recipes!)

Seriously though - tangent starting now - I REALLY enjoy cooking! I mean, I always knew I did but I just didn’t do it very often. And I usually would bake more than cook. But ever since hurting my back and having ALL this free time and Roni opening up her awesome GreenLiteBites website, I have discovered that I really truly enjoy cooking. It appeals to my creative side. Now I have dusted off the two WW recipe books my grandmother gave to me last year and already cooked three different meals from them and dog eared the other ones I want to try. So it’s just been super fun learning this out about myself, haha - tangent ending now.

Finally, the last thing to share at the moment that I am super proud of is my smart lunch decision. I went to Chili’s with one of my close friends from college and I just had no idea what to get. I wanted to stay OP and didn’t want to ruin the successful week I’ve had so far, and I just wanted to learn how to make healthy choices in a restaurant. Well after a bit of thinking and looking over their website menu, I decided to do an Oldtimer hamburger minus the bun. So it was just a well done hamburger patty on a bed of shredded lettuce with pickles and mustard. And it was REALLY delicious, relatively low in points, and very filling. I am super pleased with myself!

Then I went and took advantage of Early Voting here in Texas. Took a walk around my college campus, visited the turtle pond, and really just wandered around the 40 acres - it’s SO gorgeous outside. I’m just now getting home and decided I’d share all this with yall. I haven’t really shared too much of my personal life on here in the past, not sure why, I guess I just wanted to keep myself SUPER focused with this website. But I figure if my personal life intertwines with my healthy living then it’s ok to share, haha. I hope I didn’t bore anyone, lol. I also hope everyone else has had a wonderful weekend and stayed OP! Also, don’t forget the Oscar’s are on tonight! Woo hoo! I LOVE to watch for the fashion, hahaha - I’m such a girl.

p.s. Just had to say the Oscar’s were two thumbs DOWN boring and the fashion wasn’t even that fabulous…sad!

This really is such a great question because it gets one’s mind OFF the negative and ON to the positive and that’s really what all this is about - moving from negative to positive. While I definitely admire what Roni said about her body and the ability to produce a child, nurture a child, etc. I have not yet experienced that (although I oddly dreamt of it last night, lol…and I can’t wait to some day!) I actually admire quite a few things about myself, I hope that’s not too vain :l

I love my ankles, they are tiny! They give my whole body shape. I have very toned and athletic calves, without even trying. I am very curvy - I actually have a really small waist, just kind of large everything else, lol. I love my collarbones! I don’t know why but I think collarbones are very lady-like. I like my lips, I have my family’s big bottom lip and I adore it. The color of my eyes is an intense olive green that matches my olive skin tone and dirty blonde hair to a T! I have happy ears or little fairy ears, whatever you want to call them and I think they give me personality and character, haha. I think my nose is quite cute too, not too big or too small but just right for my face shape. I love my small tiny wrists and my skinny long fingers. I also love all of my 5′7″ height, although my goal was to be 5′8″ and had I not herniated the discs in my back, I would be (dang it!) Really, I LOVE my body - I just wish it were a bit smaller in proportion. I mean, I am healthy. I have the ability to be so athletic (when my back isn’t acting up) and that makes me feel so sexy! I love that I can move my body in such a way as to dance so many different styles of dance and to play all sorts of sports. I am thankful for the skin/body that I am in.

It really IS a good thing to focus on the things that we do like. It helps set up the right frame of mind - and with the right frame of mind we can accomplish anything. I commend Roni on another great QOTW! I hope everyone is having an ON the wagon OP kind of day! And YAY! Tomorrow is Friday! 

P.S. I hope I really didn’t come across as vain in this blog!

Well as predicted, I gained weight. I knew it was coming though so while it was still disappointing to see on the scale, and on the little print out sticker, having braced myself for it and mentally prepared definitely helped. Also, I think the good Lord knew it was going to be a challenging weigh in for me because today’s topic was “How to Deal with ANT’s - Automatic Negative Thoughts.” Now how much more on topic could today’s meeting have been? (This is why I LOVE meetings!) While I wasn’t necessarily thinking negative thoughts because I had resolved to let it go and move on, it was just really reassuring and like a sign, that I was doing the right thing and that I had the right attitude when my leader, Julie, revealed the topic.

There are 10 steps for successfully dealing with Automatic Negative Thoughts. We discussed the first 5 today and will cover the last 5 next week. My leader derived these steps from Jack Canfield, who is the author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books (I LOVE those books!) So here we go…here are the first 5 steps:

1. Acknowledge and appreciate the positive past
2. Use positive self-talk
3. Acknowledge and build on your strengths
4. Clarify your vision and your purpose
5. Set measurable goals and objectives

Now I think it’s quite interesting how once you deal with number 1, it leads you into number 2, which leads you into number 3 and so on. But honestly, these are very key steps, easy steps, and they work! So just for the fun of it I am going to diagram out my own personal list of 5…

1. My positive past is that I have already lost 40 lbs, that is EXTREMELY positive!
2. My positive self talk (which is already one of my daily goals) is that I have the gear to lose the weight. I have done it before and I know I can do again. How will go I about doing it? that leads to number 3…
3. One of my strengths is that I am an extremely committed person. My grandmother always told me that once I truly committed myself to something, it would get done, I would complete it. And she is absolutely right, I committed myself once before and I completed my task, and now I am committing myself again and I will accomplish my goal. This leads to number 4…
4. My vision and my purpose. While I lost the weight before, I didn’t have a clear vision or purpose, it was just LOSE WEIGHT! with no goal weight, no end sight, nothing. And I think that’s why I struggled to keep the weight off because I didn’t have a vision or a purpose. I was just aimlessly out there losing weight, not knowing that I was working toward and also not acknowledging my current weight loss and how successful I had been. This time around I do have a vision for myself and a purpose and it’s not superficial or unrealistic. Finally, that leads to step 5…
5. Measurable goals and objectives. I have only recently really laid those out for myself. But it helps so much to know what I am working for and to have a time line, some guidance to this process. Those goals I just recently published. This way, I’m not beating myself up for the weight gain I had today because when I look at my time line, I know that I set it up in a such a way that it’s extremely realistic and it accounts for this sort of problem. So it takes the automatic negative thoughts away, it overrides them because I planned for them.

So, I was just thrilled with today’s meeting. I think it did wonders to help my attitude and outlook, just gave me that extra boost of confidence, that little voice in the back of my head saying. “It’s ok!”

I know that everyone faces ANT’s and I challenge (yeah, I’m all about the challenges lately) everyone to make their own list of 5 and work it out. Really, get a pen and paper or open up a word document and write it out! I mean, if you can only do it in your head, that’s better than nothing. But having something solid in front of you, is just that, solid! I hope that this “lesson” or “mini meeting” is as beneficial to those reading it as it was for me in my meeting. Good luck to everyone! And why all means, if or should I say WHEN you write these out, blog them too and share them with the community! And make sure to leave a comment so I can come look at them too!

BUT it’s my first set back after 4 weeks on the plan! So really, I am not beating myself up for it at all! I’m actually pretty proud of myself, lol….how backwards does that sound?? I tell you though, it’s a million times better than berating myself for something that is already done and in the past. All I can change is the future and I intend to. I’m back on plan/points today.

 As many of you know, I sliced open my finger Thursday night - wah wah. It’s healing nicely, I think, I mean it looks like death but hey, the pain gets significantly smaller every day so that’s got to be good right? Well…I cut my finger while cutting up these yummy WW fudge squares, so I think I thought I kind of deserved to eat my fair share, haha. I mean I took more than half the pan to work and shared with my co-workers. But the other like 1/3 I pretty much ate all by myself from Thursday night to Monday night, haha. So that definitely added to this set back.

Also, I HAVE to eat when I take my pain pills and antibiotics (or else I get super sick to my stomach) - every 4 hours. Which is normally when I eat but somehow I can’t quite get it all on track. So I’m eating at my normal eating times but then having to eat extra food to take my medicine. And while granted I try to keep it simple with a glass of milk and a piece of toast, that’s still extra points that I wouldn’t normally be consuming. So that’s added to the set back too.

And finally, last night I failed to take anything out to thaw with enough time so I decided to treat myself to my greatest weakness, Double Dave’s pepperoni rolls! Oh yeah, and normally I eat like 2.5 and I should have only ordered 3. But no, I ordered 6! lol…and over the course of 6 hours, I ate all 6 pepperoni rolls. But you know what? I enjoyed EVERY SECOND of it!

So the scale wasn’t a pleasant experience this morning. And I have a day of on points and chugging water to help semi-balance things out before my weigh in tomorrow morning. But surprisingly, and I’m happy about this, I’m not beating myself up about it or making myself feel guilty. Slip ups happen, and besides the past 3 weeks I haven’t used any of my weekly points so I figure, it’s ok, haha. Maybe that’s a bad rationalization and not one I will continue to use over and over again, but this time around, it’s ok. And I gotta tell you, it feels really good to just LET IT GO! Not let go of yourself with food, lol, but let go of any guilt. I’m holding myself accountable and I’m back on track today and that’s really all that matters.

So here is to an awesome OP day, and one full of water (and pure water, not as much artificially sweetened water - see the post below to understand that)! I hope everyone has a successful day too. It’s gorgeous outside so I am going to go for a walk! Ta ta!

Well first and foremost, let me say thank you to everyone who commented about my injured finger. I really appreciate it. It’s FINALLY starting to feel a little better now. The throbbing is still there but it doesn’t quite feel like someone is holding my finger over a flame anymore, so that’s improvement! lol…but thank you for the comments and concern, it really meant a lot to me. And I apologize if I grossed anyone out with the pictures, I know it’s nasty looking but it’s that morbid fascination, you know? haha

Secondly, on to finish the post that I tried to start on Valentine’s, prior to slicing open my finger. I finally got to watch last week’s Biggest Loser episode and I thought it was awesome! I mean, it completely fell in line with one of my previous posts where I poised the question of asking ourselves why we gained the weight in the first place. It’s so important to answer that question because without it, we really won’t be able to maintain our loss. I mean listen to this staggering statistic that Jillian mentioned on the show, “95%  of people who lose a significant amount of weight put it back on…because they haven’t dealt with what is going on inside of them.” She went on to say, “If you are in denial about what has been driving your weight gain, then you are sure to put it back on.” So it really is crucial to look deep within ourselves to figure this out. I mean essentially it’s just as important as learning to make healthy food choices and incorporate daily activity into our life. If we don’t look at what fueled the weight gain to begin with then it is all for nothing - and that’s a pretty scary thought. Don’t allow yourself to work so hard and then end up jeopardizing it because you didn’t take the time to look at within yourself. YOU are just as important as the exercise and healthy food. So if you’re gonna do it, give it your all and do it right!

And can I just add as a side note, it doesn’t have to be something super dramatic such as being abused as a child, or a divorce of your parents. I think that’s a common misconception of people because I know I did it myself! I was like, “I had a normal up-bringing, my parents loved me, I was never abused, etc. so obviously my past really has nothing to do with my weight gain like some of these other people…” ummm, WRONG! The answers are there, they just aren’t as apparent as some other people’s. So don’t shrug this off. I challenge you, once again, to search yourself for the answer and embrace it.

My last comment was to answer Roni’s question about artificial sweeteners. And I will do that just as soon as I have another break here at work, lol. Check back again later for the rest of this post - and I promise it will happen today!

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OK, I am back! Ha! I knew I could get this done today! OK so Roni asked about artificial sweeteners and I read her thoughts, seemed to agree with them but THEN read the Scientific American journal article and I kind of had a mini-freak out, lol. Artificial sweeteners make you gain weight?? Surely not! I sat down and spoke with my roomie about it and she agreed with the article that they were just bad news bears and admitted that they even gave her migraines - woa, not good! So what was I to do? I am a girl who drinks Crystal Light EVERY day, several times a day - sometimes it’s my only true “water.” I also could easily drink a case of Fresca in a day (and totally would if someone would financially support that habit, lol). And finally, I use the Splenda Brown Sugar in my oatmeal every morning. Could this be why I am having such a hard time/very slow time losing weight (this time around)? I thought back to when I started WW 3 years ago, and while I’ve always had an obsession with Fresca (since the 5th grade) I never drank the Crystal Light in the abundance that I do, nor was I really using artificial sweeteners for anything else I was eating, expect maybe on top of some berries occasionally. So this just totally threw me for a loop and I’ve been all sorts of confused about what to do. I’ve never had any adverse reactions to artificial sweeteners before, and technically don’t know if I am now or not. So after thinking long and hard about it, I decided to definitely cut back on the Frescas, incorporate more “true” water in place of Crystal Light, and well…I just can’t give up my brown sugar in my oatmeal…but the other two count. And I’m going to do this for a week to two weeks and see if I notice any changes in my weight loss. I’m REALLY hoping that this warning is for people who just consume like a truck load every day, but you just never know. So here go my attempts at cutting back the artificial sweeteners and seeing if it makes any difference. T minus 14 days - check back to see the results of my own little “scientific research” lol

*warning: semi-graphic*  Ok…seriously…3 has GOT to be the charm/limit/max! I can’t handle any more injuries! Yesterday I made this super deliciously yummy WW recipe for Chocolate Marshmallow Fudge (only 2 points a square for chocolately goodness!). Well the recipe makes about 36 pieces and I wasn’t even about to let that sit around in my house for me to slowly devour, so I decided to slice up some squares and bring them to work. I thought it would be a nice Valentine’s day gesture. Well I’m slicing away with my hand-dandy super sharp Cutco spatula spreader and I accidentally cut a piece super jagged. So what does my 4 glasses of champagne filled self do? I HOLD the dang piece of fudge to cut it instead of laying it down flat like a normal person would. I successfully sliced around and almost through my middle finger! So of course I just stand there and look at it for a second, in disbelief. And it took a while to start bleeding which worried me even more (the deeper the cut, the longer it takes to bleed). But once it started gushing, MAN did it gush! I threw my finger under cold water and watched the sink turn red with blood. I started panicking as my roomie was out of town and my phone was at the back of the house. I couldn’t even see where the cut ended it was so deep. So I quickly wrapped it up in paper towels, threw it up over my head, ran to the back of the house, grabbed my phone and called my mom, sobbing. I didn’t know what to do…if i was supposed to call 911 or attempt to drive myself to the ER. My mom ended up calling my ex-boyfriend (turned best friend) who dropped what he was doing (video games) and drove like a mad man to my place making the 15-20 minute trip in 8 minutes! He whisked me away to the emergency room where after 4 hours, a couple x-rays, a tetanus shot, pain medicine, and some antibiotics I finally got stitched up (5 of them) and sent home! Man, I always thought if you were profusely bleeding you kind of got priority, but evidently not. It was 3am when I got home. It wasn’t until around 4am that I fell asleep and I had to be up at 8am to get ready for work. Oh joy!

But so seriously, I know I made the stupid mistake to hold the fudge and cut it but COME ON! I went 7 years with no injuries and in the past 6 months I’ve fractured my elbow, herniated 2 discs in my back and sliced open my finger. I think I’ve had enough! I don’t know exactly what the universe is trying to tell me but PLEASE STOP! lol.

So now I’ve got this huge bandaged stitched up finger that won’t stop throbbing - bleh. But I suppose it always could have been worse. The doctor said if it had gone any deeper I would have cut into my bone, so I guess THAT’S a good thing right? Man, all this over some fudge (Thank GOODNESS my co-workers like it - shoot, they better!! lol)

So I still have every intention on finishing up yesterday’s blog but probably not until after work, and a long nap (I am exhausted and the vicodin only makes me more sleepy). Either way, I hope everyone had a safer Valentine’s Day than I did!

Will you be my Valentine? Well first and foremost I just want to wish everyone a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Whether you are in a relationship or not, pamper yourself today because you definitely deserve it. Also, don’t be afraid to treat yourself to a little something yummy. Just make sure to count the points!!

I have SO much to write about but it’s going to have to wait until later this evening (hopefully). I want to answer Roni’s question about artificial sweeteners AND I want to talk about the Biggest Loser and some wonderful points that were made on this past Tuesday’s show (I just now finally got to watch it - and yes, I totally cried! lol).  So look out for that post! But in the mean time, have a fabulous Valentine’s Day! I love all of yall and I am happy to embrace the weightwatchen community as my Valentine!