Kellie’s Journey…

Ok!  So I was so worried about posting a gain this week at weigh-in and instead I LOST 2.2 pounds!  I was totally psyched!  There’s a lot of success at my work with this contest we’re doing and the main consensus among us is that it’s all about portion control! 

I’m about 3 pounds away from the lowest I got last year when I was regularly attending Weight Watchers.  I REALLY want to get below 220.  That’s my most immediate goal as it’s a huge mental block for me right now. 

Really and truly so far all I’ve been doing is cutting back on my junk food eating and just really being more aware of what I’m eating.   I’ve been really trying to track my points the last few days because I’m tired of feeling guilty if I have a cookie or something here and there.   But I never really know where I’m standing as far as points.  So, that’s helped in various areas.

Small Wins for the day:

While at work I REALLY wanted to go back for a 2nd roll, but I did not.  And it felt great!

I started eating some cottage cheese today and it just didn’t taste all that good.  Instead of eating it all regardless, I threw it out.

How’s everyone else doing on their journey?

Ok!  So…this is how weigh-in has gone the last 2 weeks.

 Beginning weight on 3/14- 231.8 lbs

                                     3/21-  230.8

                                     3/28- 227.2

So as of last Friday I was down 4.6 pounds!  Well, this weekend got the best of me.  It started out by feeling that I’d done so good the prior week that Friday night I treated myself to Wingers!  Then, my daughter decided she HAD to have Lofthouse sugar cookies.  I avoided them Friday night, but gave in on Saturday.  Saturday as a whole was sort of a wash, I ended up disappointed in myself.  Sunday night I HAD to have these cornflake treats that my hubby makes.  Well, suffice it to say, I ate a LOT!  Sunday night was one of those “I’m going to have it regardless” moments when you just can’t find it in you to fight the urge.  So, I’ve tried learning something from that.  I’m going to buy some Hostess snacks to have on hand in the freezer (or something to that affect) for those times when I’m giving in.  It would’ve been a lot better for me to have a half-proportioned snack, versus polishing off most of the cornflake treats.  But, then, when I know things are in the house I eat it!  So, what do I do in that regard?  Any ideas or suggestions would be OPENLY welcomed.

So I go into work today and get on the scale and I’m up 2 pounds.  I have been all depressed ever since then.  I shouldn’t be shocked, but it just reinstates the fear in my head that I already have hanging over me all the time.  The fear of how I lost weight in the past…and a few slip-ups and it’s all gained back.  Ok, so it’s NOT all back, but regardless, that fear is there. I do NOT want to post a gain when we weigh in on Friday.  So I have 2 days to figure this out. 

I really like the Weight Watcher plan and how it’s laid out.  Essentially, if you’re tracking and staying within your points it does help to cut out the guilt of having something that you “enjoy”!  My problem is is that I’ve never been a faithful tracking gal.  I’ll figure my points on any given day until I eat something that I’m  not sure on…or I have a handful of this or that and don’t know how many points it would be.  So…I’ve said this 1,000 times over, but I’m REALLY going to work on tracking what I eat.  I think that is a necessary missing piece that I need.  And if I have enough points and I’ve gotten in my fruits/dairy/whatever and I feel so inclined to have a cookie, so be it.  I had the points for it.  Same with the idea of the 35 Weekly Points…if I want to save them and splurge on something, so be it.  Ok, I’m off that soapbox now!

This sounds crazy, but it truly does feel better just getting on here and posting about how I’m feeling.  It helps to work through my thoughts and find solutions rather than just stewing over it. 

I’ve been reading a great book called “Life is hard, food is easy”.  It has given a lot of great insight and exercises to apply.  One of the ideas in there is one I also learned at Weight Watchers about recording small wins/ non-scale victories to help you see the bigger picture with what you’re doing.  So, although I feel like the last several days have been terrible, I’m going to share a few of the small wins I had today. 

#1- Passing up cookies at work

#2- Leaving some food on my dinner plate

#3-  Having a few cookies at home, then trying to distract myself with something else before I continued eating and it turning in to a binge.

So, there you have it! 

Well here I am! About the share my journey with the world. I hope for this to serve 2 purposes. One, to motivate and keep myself accountable. Two, to hopefully inspire others to keep plugging along…because this time success IS coming!!

I guess it helps to give you some background of where and what I’ve done.  I will at some point go into more details, but for now I’ll try to be brief.

I’ve always viewed myself as heavy, ever since I was in elementary school.  I’ve struggled with a low self-esteem for as long as I can remember.  As far as diets of any sort, the first attempt started in 6th grade when I became anorexic.  The next year I did some weird fiber cookie diet thing.  So the yo-yo rollercoaster started in Junior High and I’ve been on that ride since.  I’ve done everything from South Beach Diet, Slim Fast shakes, Weight Watchers twice, diet pills bought from the television that I can’t even recall the names of, Meredia, Phentramine, etc. you get the picture!  And with each attempt I’ve ended up heavier than when I started.

So, currently, here is my gameplan.  I ran across a Biggest Loser Contest Blog thing that some people are doing and it inspired me to create a Biggest Loser Contest at work. We started our 12 week contest on March 14th and it goes through June 6th.  So far it’s been a real friendly competition!  I am ready to get this weight off, I’ve had it and I’m miserable. As much as I’d love to win the jackpot at the end (which is somewhere around $400′ish) I ultimately want to instill some healthy habits for myself and my family. I’ve done Weight Watchers before and although I’m not actively attending meetings, that’s basically the background behind what I’m doing. I want to be and FEEL in control of my body, that is such a powerful feeling!

I plan to post pictures along the way, I really like that Roni did that with her site.  I hope to post pictures at least once a month and track my total weight loss.  So, off I go!  Please post comments/feedback so I know if people are actually viewing my blog.