Every Bite’s a New Beginning!

So I’ve moved over to the new site and I’m moving on with the plan!

I THINK I’M BACK IN CONTROL! The last couple of days I’ve avoided the urge to overeat ANYTHING. That’s a milestone…hehe AND, drum roll please, I can wear the shorts that have been sitting in a box in the basement for 3 years. This is sooooo worth it! I had a co-workers, that has been off for medical reasons, come back to work on Monday and the very first comment out of her mouth was….Oh my gosh! How much weight have you lost, your face looks so thin! I told her she was my new best friend! Hmmm, I’m seeing a connection here, compliment=desire to be in control….sounds like a plan to me!

All is not lost! 1.4 down (this includes the .6 I was up last week)…actually, after last week, that’s a miracle, but I’ll take it just the same. So I guess overeating on healthy items really IS better, but I’m still going to work on it. I just feel sooo out of control when I overeat. So Here’s to a new and hopefully more productive week!

I started this journey on January 1st loaded with will power….so where did it go? I just can’t seen to contain myself in the evenings. I have completely changed to healthy choices, but overeating IS overeating no matter what the choice. Breakfast is fine, lunch is fine, dinner is fine…but….AFTER dinner is NOT! I’ve got to stop munching continuously until bedtime. My overindulgence this evening include a banana, fresh pineapple, fresh strawberries and 2, count em, 2 fiber one bars. Then, I had an additional burger left over from dinner. What’s up with that!?! My stomach hurts right now from being too full. I’ve got to get this back under control. Tomorrow starts a new week for me so hopefully, I’ll be able to get back to basics and the weight in won’t be too bad (fingers crossed!) On a positive note, I have not stopped journaling, but it’s pretty ugly…over on flex points this week by 12. Right now, I wish my foot could reach my ass so I could give myself a swift kick! Ahhh, tomorrow is a new day, thank goodness!

Hummm….good question! Reflecting back I suppose I could make many good suggestions to a younger me, but being me, I know I would not have listened to any of them! Strong willed and opinionated as I was. I’ve mellowed considerably since then:~) But, here goes:

1. Follow your heart. Start thinking about the career you really want. That artistic side of you really could be a viable job option, but those executive assistant classes you Mom wants you to take will not make it happen. Set it into action and quit dreaming about it!

2. Your true friends will always be your friends and love you for who you really are. Stop pretending to be someone your not. High school stuff really will stay in high school…in 20 years, you won’t even be able to remember the names of the people you envy the most! And your parents will be 2 of your best friends!

3. Pay attention to what you eat. One day your health will be more important than that sausage, pepperoni and onion pizza you love sooo much!

4. Buy and wear a good bra. Your boobs will not stay there without some support! (I’m a child of the 70’s halter top no bra era!)

5. Quit obsessing about your boyfriend! He will be your husband of many years, so you don’t need to analyze every move he makes!

Today is official WI day and I am up .6. I’m not too concerned…it’s the 11pm peanut butter attack I had last night! Too much salt, my eyes are puffy and fingers swollen, yuk! But, it was sooo good on that fiber one bar. Peanut butter is my weakness, it’s the one thing I would want to have with me on a deserted island. How sad is that!…not my husband, not my kids, but PEANUT BUTTER! But it’s over and I move onward. I have not removed it from my diet, but I do try to control when and how much I consume. Last night it was a munchies thing, not hunger. So I pose the question, what’s your weakness and how do you keep a handle on it?

I am not an emotional eater, never have been. The reason I eat? I LOVE FOOD! I love the way that first bite excites the taste buds, the feeling on the tongue and palate. The aroma of fresh baked cookies or roast beef is intoxicating. Stress or depression do not make me turn to food. A clip on TV or the smells lurking in the mall sends my mind back to that last gooey warm brownie eaten weeks ago and I want it! The glands in the back of my mouth set into motion and the battle in the brain begins. The glands say you need it, the brain says you don’t. Some may consider this emotional, I do not. You see, my state of mind does not affect the out come. I could be happy or sad, stressed or relaxed. It doesn’t matter. The out come will be determined by the battle raging and which side of my brain has the longest list of “pros” that day because I just love food.

In spite of a less than faultless weekend, I lost an official 2lbs. That’s 33.2 total, a 198.8 scale reading and totally onderland. It does feel good!

…yesterday, I saw onderland! Yep, the scale said 199.8. What a phycological boost! I was back above this morning (200)—that freakin scale, but I don’t care. I know by official WI day next Tuesday it will be “solid”. I have a 25 minute drive to work and the entire way yesterday I chanted 199.8, 199.8 not a 2, a 1, 199.8 over and over again. What a goon! I’m glad there wasn’t anyone within ear shot, they would have thought I had totally lost it!

This morning the scale says 200.8, that’s one pound away from having a “1″ as the first number. I’ve been battling to get to that ever illusive onderland for 4 weeks—I think this next week I just might make it! Although I’m thrilled to see this number, I was a little surprised as yesterday I was out of control. In past attempts, an out of control day would have lead to out of control week, to just out of control. The back in control feeling I have this morning made me begin to contemplate about what’s different this time. I have a loooong history of up’s and down’s, about 35 years. First, I’m in this for life—not just goal. And although I have set a goal number for myself, it’s not set in stone. My intent is to declare goal when it feels right. That may be 155 or it may be 135, I’m not sure yet. I’m looking for a happy medium that I can realisticly maintain. I don’t want food to control my life nor do I want the pressure of maintaining a number to control my life either. That’s the thing. It’s just a number. How can I say right now what will feel right? My history tells me that I do need to be satisfied when it feels right. What do I mean? In past attempts, I have never been satisfied with where I was. At 145, I wanted to be 135, at 135, I wanted to be 125. Get the picture. And so ultimately, for me anyway, trying to reach an unrealistic goal leads to just giving up. Just giving up leads to gaining back what I have lost, plus about 10 pounds each time. I have accepted perfection is not possible! My imperfections are what make me, ME. No amount of weight loss will make me taller, my legs longer nor my “apple” shape a “pear” shape. My round face will never be oval and my brown eyes will never be green. The scars of life will always be with me but I am now happy with ME. There’s the difference! I’m happy just being ME and I will be happy with ME when I declare goal and what ever number comes with it!