Kim’s Journey to a Healthier Place

At WI, I maintained. Last week I did soooo well being OP, journaling, and exercising. Maybe next week the scale will budge. I really think that the new meds and weight training may have something to do with it. I’ve notice too though, that a lot of times my actions don’t show up until the following week. So chances are, my good week will show up next week on the scale. (Same thing goes if I have a bad week.) That’s fine with me as long as we’re not going in the wrong direction!

I didn’t binge yesterday! The 2 snack size candy bars did it. They even gave me a boost at the gym, and I worked really hard. Blogging about it and writing the words out, “I WILL NOT BINGE TODAY!” really did the trick. I just needed to turn my attitude around and get focused. I was so happy that I turned those cravings around yesterday!

Flex remaining: 33

I guess you could say I’m craving food but nothing in particulalr. I know it’s bad to admit this, but I’m pretty sure that food journal will change before the end of the day. For some reason, my brain is saying “Eat, eat, eat.” I’m not really sure what it wants, but the fun size snickers may have helped. Hopefully it won’t turn into a binge. Now I’m worried after reading everyone’s comments about the binging article Roni blogged about today. I honestly haven’t read it yet. But I actually do feel better after eating  savoring the candy bars. I’m stopping it here. NO BINGE FOR ME TODAY!

I was in the mindset that I have to WI tonight, but what I failed to realize is that I don’t have to because I’m now lifetime. (c: Not that it’s an excuse to be irresponsible with my eating but that it lays off the pressure a bit, and today that feels good. Earlier this week I was showing a loss on my home scale, but TOM arrived and now it’s back up a smidgen. I may not WI and let 2 weeks worth of being back OP accumulate into a bigger loss next week. Honestly I haven’t decided. I guess we’ll find out if I do tonight. ‘Cause as you can see, I’m still debating it! But it’s nice to have the option now! (I’ll still be at the meeting regardless!)

Flex remaining: 33

Yesterday wasn’t a good day. I was REALLY upset about something that happened yesterday,  and I didn’t have anyone available to talk to. I tried, but I didn’t want to inflict anyone else with the stress that I was feeling about something I wasn’t even sure about. Anyway, it ended up being a huge binge fest. I honestly can say I was upset enough that I just didn’t care one bit and food was the only thing available to me at the moment (yet I would have much rather had someone I could have talked to).  :-(   So here’s my shameful list of foods from yesterday. Try not to gasp too loud in horror…

cereal (4), Healthy Choice soup (4), (here’s where it gets bad) big ol’ thing of TCBY Peanut Butter Delight hand scooped yogurt w/ snickers topping (est. 14.5), McDonald’s fried chicken snack wrap w/ large fry (21- WHOA!), candy (5), huge plate of homemade nachos (est. 18), 1/2 a huge Panera cinnamon bun (7), Panera pumpkin muffie (6.5)

OMG! I just went back and calculated the points! 80!!!! Is that possible? *hanging head in shame* How did I not get sick?

Yeah, yuck. Hopefully by posting this it will discourage me from wanting to post a list like that again anytime soon!

I’ve been wanting to eat Chinese buffet for weeks now. I just wanted to go in, eat what I wanted without counting points and savor it. I only really like to eat Chinese about 2-3 times a year. So, WH picked me up from work at lunch-time yesterday and took me to my buffet of choice. I was so excited and had built it up in my head. But once I started eating, it was just okay. Not the big WOW! reaction I was hoping for. Not that this restaurant has bad food, the food was very tasty, but the food didn’t comfort and excite me like I’d hoped.

 I think since I’ve been on this journey I’m beginning to realize that food can taste good, but in reality it doesn’t fill the emotions that I want or need it to. Food won’t ask me how my day is going. It won’t flash me a smile that says “I love you.” It won’t laugh at my silliness. I think what I really wanted was to have lunch in the middle of the week with my husband. And his company was what I wanted and needed more than the Hong Kong Chicken, egg drop soup, or egg rolls.

Food isn’t the answer to my emotional needs.

I had an office Christmas party at lunch today, and I’m going to my husband’s Christmas party tonight. Both are mostly finger foods, which I find so much easier to navigate with WW. At lunch I hit up the fruit and veggie trays full force and ate a slice of turkey on a small roll. It was easier just not to put wings, fudge, brownies, and spinach dip on my plate. Those things don’t really do anything for me anyhow (unless it were wings at a restaurant or homemade brownies, which neither were). Tonight will be more homemade fare, which will be a little more difficult. But usually in crowds, as long as you have something to drink in hand, people aren’t paying attention to how much you eat, which could be good or bad. Last year, the crowd gave me an excuse to revisit the buffet over and over again. NOT THIS YEAR! I’ll just get a few spoonfulls of good, holiday goodies. Kim, leave the routine stuff alone- choose your battles wisely! Good luck to everyone else facing holiday parties. I’ve got 2 more on Thursday!

Just a quick post. Last night was WI and I lost a pound. Not too shabby. This week will be a real challenge, but I’m okay with having lost 50 pounds by the first week of the New Year, even if the road is a little bumpy between now and then. Have a great day everyone!

Side note to self: I did binge last night after WI. Not my best moments… *sigh* Hopefully I can get to the gym tonight to redeem myself. I’m okay with eating the extra roll or going out for ice cream with the husband, but binging is NOT okay! It’s mindless!

Oh wonderful sugar-free gum,

How great you are.

Hushing the candy dish

That’s calling my name from afar. 

Gum is the best stuff. I so often forget that gum works so well at squelching my cravings. There’s a candy dish in my office calling my name as I type. But thanks to the gum that I’m now chewing, it’s beginning to hush. There’s a huge possibility that when the flavor wears off this piece, I’ll have to chew on a new one to help me resist the temptation of the candy dish. 

No, Cracker Barrel did nothing wrong but make really soft, buttery buscuits. Yesterday I had my sensible dinner at home all planned out, but WH had to work late and suggested we eat out at Cracker Barrel when I got back from the gym. I thought, heck, why not? Dinner started off great with my choice of Beans N’ Greens (pinto beans and turnip greens) which is about a 2 point meal. Well, I was hungry preoccupied with conversation and before I realized it, I had eaten a cornbread muffin before dinner came out (WWP=8!). After I was satisfied (I didn’t eat all my dinner) I put my napkin over the leftovers to tell myself to stop picking. The buscuit plate didn’t get covered up and I guess what I ate. TWO buscuits as WH and I chatted. It was totally mindless…I wasn’t hungry! GRRRRR… Each buscuit was 5 points! Okay, my 2 point meal QUICKLY turned into the 20 point meal. I hate when I do this. My good intentions for the meal were ruined. I would have rather used those 20 points on a cheeseburger and fries. Live and learn.

NOTE TO SELF: Cover up the bread basket/plate, too!

B-fast: cereal and milk (4)

S: grapes (1)

L: Thanksgiving lunch at work (est. 6)

D: Cracker Barrel Nightmare (20)

S: PB w/ chocolate chips on graham crackers (I know, I know…. 6)

Exercise: 3 AP

Total: 34

WPA used so far: 22

I need to get a handle on it! Thanksgiving/being out of town for 4 days is right around the corner, and I still need to get these last couple pounds off before then to reach my mini Nov. goal! Shape up girl!

Last night I let myself indulge a bit.  Wonderful husband told me about a function we’re supposed to go to tonight which means I’ll miss my WW meeting and WI. So, I indulged, knowing that I wouldn’t have to step on a scale today. It’s not so bad when I consciously make the choice to indulge. It’s when I mindlessly grab food and shove it in my mouth without MAKING the decision after weighing the pros and cons that makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Those behaviors are the “eating disorder,” I proclaim to be trying to overcome, coming out. A little of both occurred yesterday. In the late afternoon I ate a few snack sized candies- that was mindless. For dinner I made the conscious decision to have a couple of the leftover cheese-filled bread sticks, WH’s baked potato skins (that he never eats), more salad dressing that I normally use, and apple crisp w/ ice cream that WH made. Definitely over my daily points and the extra weekly points are already gone, but I chose to do it. And I’m not feeling guilty about it.

I did work out after dinner as a “damage control” effort. While it’s okay to make the decision to enjoy foods that I don’t eat often, I knew that to help keep this from going from conscious decision to binge eating today, I had to remind myself it stops there. Trust me, the insanely intense 60 min. workout on the treadmill and elliptical got me focused.

It can be hard for me to WI at home because the WW scale is so much different than mine. While mine is good for comparison day to day, it never reads the same as WW. So I’m just going to wait until next week to WI. I need to stay focused because according to my goals, I want to be at 160 by Thanksgiving. I’ve got 9 days to get there and just a couple pounds to go! I’m also trying to jog that 10 minute mile….work in progress.

I’m blogging now because I’m in the mood to eat. I’m not really hungry (I already ate breakfast and a snack), I just want to eat everything in the building. I’ve been in a bad mood this morning, and I’m not sure why. It doesn’t appear to be hormonal, and I don’t have anything to be irritable about other than it’s a slow day. I don’t handle being idle well. And now I want to eat. I just need to hold out for another 15 minutes or so and get myself to the gym. I’m having a hard time convincing myself to do that, too! I’m a mess. I WILL NOT give in! Chew gum and get thyself to the gym!

UPDATE: Okay, I’ve won the battle thus far. I didn’t eat anything before going to the gym. I went to the gym. I ran 3 miles. I ate my planned lunch. HURRAY! Blogging through that situation really helped me get a grip. Dinner is scheduled and I’m determined to stay focused.

Breakfast: Fiber One cereal w/ 1% milk (4 WWP)

Snack: grapes (1 WWP)

Lunch: veggie soup and SF pudding (3 WWP)

Snack: 1/2 Kashi bar (1 WWP)

Dinner: rotisserie chicken, peas, butternut squash fries, scalloped potatoes (11 WWP)

Dessert: angel food cupcake w/ Cool Whip Free and strawberries (2)

Points Total: 22 

Exercise: 3 mile jog on treadmill w/ varying speeds (gettin’ faster!)