I Feel Fat
14 11 2007I was telling Wonderful Husband last night how even though I’m the smallest I’ve ever been, I feel fat. I mean like 30-40 lbs ago fat. This has been going on for about 2 weeks. What gives? I’d be lying if I didn’t say that part of the Journey to a Healthier Place included liking what I see in the mirror as compared to what I used to see. Throughout the journey I’ve had self-confidence, felt great, and felt like I looked great. Now I just feel chubby. Humph…
I’m between a size 10 and 12 in pants. This past weekend WH went with me to buy a new pair of jeans. The 2 pair I have that fit are from the early 1990s when I was in high school. Let’s just say they’re a bit out of style. When I’d wear them, WH would tease me and say, “The eighties called. They want their jeans back.” He thinks he’s so funny. 
Anyway, the new jeans are a size 10. Not that long ago I would look at a size 10 (which I’ve never worn previously) and think, “Boy those are small. I can’t see myself ever fitting into that size.” Now size 10s fit and instead of being elated, I see the fat girl in the mirror. Not the earth-shattering excitement I though I’d have at that moment. It was a disappointment.
I’m hoping this is just a phase. I’ve done so well, and most importantly, I feel SOOO much better physically. Maybe I need to pull out those size 18 and 20 jeans to put next to the size 10s to see how far I’ve come. Good idea! I’ll do that tonight. Maybe that will get me thinking logically again.
Have any of you gone through this in your journey?
YES! I have completely felt that way and still do at least a few times a week! I have lost a little over 50lbs since March and I still sometimes feel like I am fat. It is like my body still thinks it is much bigger. I find myself looking in the mirror and being caught off guard? When I shop, I will look at clothes and think - oh - that won’t fit me –> when really it will. I have gone from a 16+ to a size 8/10, but still have that same wondering feeling if my pant choice for the day will button or bind.
I think I remember hearing somewhere that the body doesn’t re-program with weight loss as well as it does with weight gain; so that you feel phantom fat - or you body remembers it’s boundaries where they used to be.
The worst, for me, is when people comment on how much I weigh now– “You look so good - don’t you feel great?” or “You must feel so good now” But many days, I feel very much the same, almost as if I am an imposter in a smaller size.
I would love to know more about this phenomena —
Do that–pull out those old jeans and compare from whence you have come.
I found the self-image/perception thing works both ways. When I lost weight prior to our last child being born–even though I had been at goal for several years, I still caught myself catching a glimpse of myself in a plate glass window or mirror and not recognizing myself. After gaining the weight after the birth of our last child in ‘02 I didn’t lose weight/gained more and would still think of myself as that skinny 130 lb gal from back in early ‘02. Then I saw photos of myself at my son’s graduation, reality hit me in the face. It is really hard to change that perception of ourselves and takes, from my experience, quite a while. It will come though. You have made tremendous progress. If you’re not convinced by looking in the mirror, pull out the more tangible evidence of the change in clothes size.
I agree with the image comments above. The mental image that I carry around of myself is as a skinny, foot loose and facy free 18 year old and sometimes paying attention to what I really look like is scary. No longer skinny or 18.
You have made excellent progress with the weight loss, and I think it is normal for the mind to take a bit to catch up to the body. Just keep up the good work!
so did you try on the old pants last night? did it make you feel better? I agree with cuffa. Maybe your mind just needs to catch up with your body, but in reality maybe we all will have those feeling fat days even at goal. now i am starting to feel bad for scoffing at my “skinny” friends on the days they felt fat.
I think alot of it also has to do with americas idea of thin. What we see in the magazines and on tv isnt exactly reality in relation to us. I know I will NEVER wear clothes like Kim Kardashian can.
I wrote about this a few weeks ago too:
http://blogs.weightwatchen.com/midwestgirlinct/2007/10/06/fat-chick-in-the-mirror/
I have the exact same problem. I look at photos and in the mirror and I’m frustrated. There are days when I really don’t see it. It’s terribly frustrating. Apparently I carry my weight in a weird way, because people are always surprised when I tell them how much I’ve lost too. Some people have barely even noticed that 28 pounds disappeared from my five foot frame. One person actually told me she thought I looked “well rested.” Well rested?!?! I’ve been kicking my ass for six months and all I get is “well rested”?
I highly recommend trying on the old clothes. The clothes are the biggest reminder for me. They are the concrete thing that shows me how far I’ve come. I have this pair of jeans that has literally sat in my drawer for eight years. I have never worn them, not once. But I kept them for some reason, hoping some day I’d get in them. They were always the “Yeah, right” pants: I’d try to put them on, and about half way up I’d say, “Yeah right. Not going to happen.”
Those pants fit a little loosely these days.
You’re doing great! Just try to get over the mental hump. It’s hard, I know. I’m right there with you!
Oh my gawd I can so relate to this. I was talking to a friend the other day about how when I was 200lbs I was a size 14 but when I was 153lbs I was still wearing a size 14.
And that’s when I realized - wait a minute that isn’t possible?!
Which means in high school even when I had lost 50lbs I was still wearing the same pants because in my mind I never went below a 14 even though clearly my body must have. So now I don’t even know what my real size was back then.
But like someone suggested, slip into some old jeans. Nothing snaps me back into reality more than clothes. And congrats on the success!