Kim’s Journey to a Healthier Place

My name is Kim, and I’m a 28 year old on a journey to a healthier place. All my life I’ve struggled with my weight. Even in grade school I can remember being larger than the other kids. My first memory of being overweight was my first day of kindergarten. I remember sitting in a circle on the floor with the other students while parents dropped of their kids. Looking around the room I felt like the big monster in comparison to the other kids- the “big monster!” It’s unbelievable to me how self-aware I was  at such a young age. I can’t believe that was the image I had of myself in kindergarten. In the third grade I remember a habit I had of putting my hands up under the bottom of my shirt and holding onto the bottom of it so that it wouldn’t cling to my stomach. I thought it would make me look smaller if people couldn’t see my belly roll. I did this for years. In middle school and high school I began yo-yo dieting. I stayed active in high school with after school activities and went to the gym pretty regularly, but I still never lost much. In college I joined Crew as a freshman and lost a few pounds from running laps in an orange orchard while inhaling gnats. Good times. I only stayed with if for one season because I saw there was a lot more to college than 4 hours of Crew, six days a week. It was fun while it lasted.

The spring semester of my sophomore year, I found out that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). While it sounds like an issue of having cysts on the ovaries, that’s only a symptom. PCOS is really a hormone disorder that causes sporadic menstrual cycles, hair growth, weight gain, cysts on the ovaries, etc. Excess body weight makes the symptoms more pronounced. My biggest concerns were that PCOS is the number one cause of fertility issues (because of the cysts and bizarre menstrual cycles), and more than 50% of women with PCOS will have diabetes or pre-diabetes before age 40 (www.4women.gov). My family tree is riddled with cancer, heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes. For me, PCOS sounded like a guarantee that I would get diabetes some day or another. I was determined not to let it get me. I lost about 30 pounds through exercise and eating right. That’s when I met my wonderful husband.

That was about 7 years ago. Since that time I’ve lost and gained the same 40 pounds. I always ask myself when I’m healthier and leaner, “Why do I always gain back the weight I lose when I feel so much better, and I really don’t miss eating everything in sight?” I think I may have discovered why. I honestly feel that I have an eating disorder.  Roni recently posted about binge eating as an eating disorder and I know I have one! I would eat far beyond feeling full until I felt overstuffed or sick, and I would eat alone because I was embarrassed of the amount of food I would consume. I never knew what hunger was because I was eating as much as I could every single meal. I don’t know how I didn’t weigh more. I guess I stayed just active enough that I didn’t weigh as much as the house.

Since marrying my wonderful husband, I’ve graduated from grad school, started a new job and joined Weight Watchers. I’m very proud of how far I’ve come. Everyday I’m making new strides. One of the biggest is realizing that I really don’t some of the foods I binged on. I don’t like most french fries and tater tots after all. I always thought I did and ate them because they were “bad.” They’ve received negative attention due to their greasy reputation; therefore, I wanted more of them. Now I just don’t care for them. What an enlightening moment. I don’t miss them. It’s amazing what you find out when you really taste your food.

So here I go. Check out my Progress page to see how I’m doing. Feel free to send me a virtual “kick in the butt” or “high-five” for a job well done. I’m well on my way with my journey to a healthier place. Won’t you join me?