SugarBoom!

I had to change my weight in the weight ticker thats to the right. I’ve gained 5 kgs this year. That totally sucks.

On Wednesday is a WW meeting. Looks like I’m going…

…and going to the gym today. Gotta burn those kjs.

Sooooo yesterday was pretty good. I ate chocolate. I didn’t do dessert though and it was very tempting.

Danielle and I are starting a new February challenge.

The February Freedom Challenge.

Drop a bad habit and pick up a good one.

Sounds good huh? It’s easy, get rid of one bad, like eating take away (that’s the bad habit I’m ditching) and take up a healthy habit every day (like eating yoghurt every day, my good new habit).

Easy! Don’t kill yourself to eat perfectly the whole month, just do the best you can but for the whole week really work on eliminating that one bad habit and gaining that one healthy habit.

If you want to join:

1) Comment me or Danielle with the bad habit that you’re ditching

2) Write about the good habit you will be gaining

3) Comment once a week to let us know how you’re going

After a horror few days of almost no sleep I feel ready to get back into things. In fact I am back at it. Every morning I have a bowl of fruit, morning snack is yoghurt, lunch is cereal (this takes away the ‘what to have’ dilemma and means I can portion control), afternoon snack is still being worked on although it needs to be substantial or I binge for tea and tea is fish and salad for the moment.

Mmmm how yum does that sound? And I’m enjoying it.

Also I’m back at the gym with a vengeance. I’ve made space for the gym three days a week and in a couple of weeks I’ll be able to add another day. Wednesdays at the gym is also with a personal trainer. We’re having our first session next Wednesday and I can’t wait. Fridays is spin class and Tuesdays is boxing. If I feel up to it I’m also running on the treadmill, trying to get my running legs back. I’m doing the couch to 5k program and this first week went well. I can’t wait to get back to running.

Here’s to a more positive February.

I posted progress pics. Nobody look at them. Roni says it’s empowering but really I just feel like the naked kid at the school assembly.

I’ve lost 7.5 and I can’t see any difference. I need to lose more weight. And get my sight checked, I thought I was looking pretty good but my oh my.

12 week body blitz:

Day 1, week 1

Exercise – 5km bike ride, 10mins doing Gillian Michaels dvd (I could only do that, she really does kick butt)

Eating – great, except for dinner. I was so tired and just got drive through.

Really I-just-want-to-sleep-all-day tired. Finally I figured I may be anaemic and got some iron tablets. They’ve really helped; instead of sitting here wanting to sleep I’m actually doing something. I did go and see the nutritionist. She was helpful and put me on to the idea that I may be anaemic but she also said unless I get 8 hours sleep a night I’ll be craving chocolate no matter what. When you’re tired she explained, the body reacts by assuming blood sugar levels are low and brings on a sugar craving. Which makes sense to me; my chocolate cravings are out of control on hard, tiring days.

I’m also due to see my doctor on the 3^rd next month. I’m going to broach the subject of being referred to a therapist for compulsive eating disorder and possibly going on antidepressants. I’ve been so down lately (Christmas was one big depressing, exhausting day) and I’m fed up with it, not to mention I’m obviously medicating myself with chocolate which is a serotonin booster. I think this is all caused by severe fatigue which has been going on for a year now. The antidepressants will help my mood and hopefully the therapist will help with breaking the chocolate addiction I seem to have developed. I don’t feel bad about the depression; I honestly believe it’s a chemical thing.

Until then I’ve gone gluten free (it helps my moods) but I’m not regulating my chocolate intake as that just stresses me out at the moment. I need help with the chocolate thing but gluten free is surprisingly easy…just shows how our hormones and chemicals in our brains control us more than we imagine.

Wish me luck.

Eat well, exercise, don’t use food as an emotional crutch. Yawn.

Still, I’ve lost 4.5kgs (9.9 pounds) so far.

I’ve been following WW for a few weeks and surprisingly it’s getting easier, and harder. Easier, in that I know what to eat, talking myself out of a binge is getting easier (although it’s a daily battle) and I’m starting to accept that this is my life. Harder, in that I’m constantly vigilant now to not get complacent and eat over my points because “one day won’t hurt”.

A few weeks ago mum and I joined a weight group. They meet every week, weigh and generally encourage each other in their weight loss attempts. It seemed like a good idea at the time but today I decided to not to go back. They’re hopelessly disorganised and people like that make me very stressed and uncomfortable. I guess it works for them, but not for me.

So I guess it’s back to me, myself and I. We’re doing really well actually.

There’s an article in the October Madison magazine I just read called “Body Guilt”. It’s about women and their unhealthy obsession with food, women who eat tiny amounts every day, who choose social engagements based on what they can or can’t eat there, women whose lives are run by food.

And I thought I don’t want to be like that. That extreme obsession. Sure I want to be thin, and I know it’ll take work. I know being healthy will require constant vigilance on my part and daily exercise but I don’t want to be miserable about it.

Two weeks ago I went to a weight meeting and was put off by one of the women there who was so flippant about her binges, her inability to control what she ate and I thought ‘I don’t want to be like her, I want to care about my health and have some commonsense when deciding what I put in my mouth’.  After seeing her I started looking more closely about what I ate, was I acting like a sensible grownup and taking care of myself or was I acting like a perpetual child, greedy and selfish?

But I don’t want to be like the other women either, eating spinach and dry toast for dinner, crying myself to sleep because I can’t lose the last 2 kilos.

The happy medium, caring about what I eat, enjoying what I eat and being sensible about what I eat is something I’ve been able to sustain for a couple of days now. It’s been a very long time since that has happened, in fact I don’t remember the last time, it’s been so long.

Anyway the point is…the point is. The thing I’m really getting from this is I’m finally ready to shake off the shackles of childhood and childish behaviour and become the adult I know I can be. Losing weight for me is about finally growing up.

Today I had 4 main meals instead of the traditional 3. It helped fill me up that little bit more so I wasn’t tempted to eat something bad. That’s kind of the key for me; don’t get hungry, because resistance if futile when the stomach growls.