Things are starting to come together.  I’m still timing multiple things and parking my healthy lifestyle but there is light at the end of the tunnel now.  I’m looking forward to getting back on track and back in the swing of things.

 For now I’m trying to remember that there is merit in the Italian Pasta Diet.  Especially because I’ve been craving chocolate something fierce.  To make matters worse I have been giving into it at every opportunity I’ve had.  Thankfully, I’ve been maintaining the last several weeks, despite my splurges. 

Today I’m focusing on the Pasta Diet:

1.) Walka pasta da ice cream shop
2.) Walka pasta da candy shop
3.) Walka pasta da fridge
4.) Walka pasta da Bakery
 - - - Research has shown that it really does work miracles! 

 In my case, today I’m going to walka pasta da chocolatier shop!

 Updates to be coming soon…..

infomercials….  watched any lately?  I don’t know what got into us but we were into the wee hours Sunday morning and stumbled onto Chalene Johnson’s infomercial for Turbo Jam.  Have any of you tried her DVD’s? 

Normally, I am not impressed with the equipment, the instructors, or the infomercials in and of themselves.  I must confess I tried a Billy Blanks Tae Bo tape in college and liked his workout but well you know… life happened.  Not to mention I tend to rebell against organized workouts (i.e. gym classes). 

I’m digressing… The women in the infomercial all have rockin’ hot bodies!  I want a rockin’ hot body!  I know all infomercials use rockin’ hot babes but seriously…  What piqued my interest even more than the hot bod’s, was my hubby uttering the following words:  ”Now that’s a workout I would actually do.”  Followed with him turning to face me and saying “We could set it up in our garage.  We could just pull the cars out for the workouts, buy a cheap DVD player, get a new set of abs - after all this tummy of mine could use a little re-shapin’!”  This coming from the man that tells me to be careful when I pinch or smack his bum, as his buns of steel just might hurt my hand. 

I almost dialed the phone number then and there… but then I gathered my sanity again and decided to research it.   Have you tried her workouts and if so what do you think of them?

I would love to be able to workout with my hubby on a regular basis!  I am thinking that if he’s serious this might be a great option for us and having a workout partner is always more motivating.  So tell me what do you think!

My life is parked.  I’m at one of those phases when life is in limbo.  W-a-i-t-i-n-g on hold with that monotonous music replaying itself over and over.  I’ve been thinking about this today and I suspect that this is part of the reason my health progress appears to be on park as well. 

There are very exiting things happening but it’s all about timing ‘it’ just right.  The span of this theme is huge, it has spread into every area of my life and that of my family.  I am amazed at how life can present itself in such a repetitive pattern (literally and figuratively). 

I know that I have asked for more patience in the past.  The last 12 months have certainly fulfilled that request.  Trying situations have presented themselves continuously for the last year and I believe I’m finally beginning to look at patience in a new light.  I have this weird Zen-like outlook on it, at least for the moment.  However, one way I have dealt with this is that Ive parked my diet anytime I needed some additional patience. 

It’s almost like I am completely unable to multi-task.  Why is this?  Am I driven for comfort (i.e. food) because I feel things are out of my control?  Or is it the opposite?  Am I timing things so much that I am unable to focus on this too? 

The last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster of ups, downs, and jagged turns.  I think I’m navigating it fairly well, I’ve had my moments but on the whole I’m moving forward.  I’ve tried to focus on the positive and that has certainly helped. 

I am sorry I been non-existent lately, writing less, commenting less, and withdrawing from you and that of this community.  To be honest, writing has not been a priority, nor has my progress on healthfulness.  I am struggling to refocus myself.  Other priorities, timing things, focusing, and other navigational pulls have succumbed every inch of my mental capacity.  I know that in another month things will settle themselves out but in the interim I have let things slide - aahhh patience! 

I understand it’s natural to let some things go.  There has to be some give in life but how much?  Is sacrificing personal things that are important, like my healthy lifestyle choices, worth it?  Hmmm….. working on this.

or not to weigh?  It’s true, I’m actually pondering whether to WI tomorrow because…  Eek!  I’ve gained again and monumentally to boot.  I know I need to own it but seriously, tomorrow won’t be fair. 

My WW meetings are at noon and I have an Economic Forecast Breakfast to go to for work.  Translation the meal will be hotel fodder on a plate that is served upon placement of fat arse on chair.  It’s not even a buffet, where I could choose larger portions of the healthier stuff.  We are, as guests, subjected to whatever the hotel has on hand that morning and guaranteed it will not be nutritionally sound and/or balanced. 

In comparison, I normally have a banana & coffee or a yogurt & coffee prior to weigh in.  Never-ever do I proceed it with a full fledged feast!  Not to mention I will have the privileged opportunity to stare at my lovely plate for 3.5 hours.  Encouraging only nibbling throughout until the plate acquires a beautiful sheen, one so clear that it often poses as a mirror for hygiene purposes later.  Please let there be nothing in my teeth, so that may I smile freely with my clients, prospects, and colleagues without that awkward picking in between.

I’m also swayed by the fact that I cannot attend the entire WW meeting as I am volunteering tomorrow.  I volunteer with the local Junior Achievement chapter.  If you’re looking to get involved in your community, this is a fantastic organization!  I highly recommend working with them!  This is the part of my job that I absolutely love and I’m proud that my company supports us giving back to our community.

Back to our regularly scheduled whine… I really don’t want to go!  I know I need to go, own up to it, and use it as a tool to get back on program.  Believe it or not I’m scared that the scale will be totally out of whack with the feast and cause me to rationalize that breakfast was the guilty party and thus not my fault.  Or scared that I’ll see the high number and think:  screw it, I’m already here why not enjoy myself a little more.  Neither one of those are good scenarios. 

I want to skip but it feels sacrilegious to even think about it.  Do any of you feel this way?  I know that we’re entitled to skip or pass one WI but I’ve had a no excuses rule.  Believe it or not I’m scared the diet gurus are going to haul me off and force me to answer to the fat Gods, who of course will punish me with a large compilation of fat for not going. 

Damned if I do and damned if I don’t….. ARG!

We have no water at my office!  Okay, so that’s not entirely true, we do have tap water but it smells like cat urine and I refuse to touch the stuff.  Call me a water snob or whatever else you like but it’s bad.  I can’t bring myself do it!  Apparently, I’m not desperate enough yet.  I know I am a spoiled Westerner and there are countries that don’t even have geniune cat pee to drink, let alone water but I love my refreshing crystal clear friend!  I easily drink more than my daily requirements by noon. 

What is one to do without water?  We ordered some more but it won’t come until tomorrow afternoon.  We have one of those lovely water coolers that the office provides for us.  Last night our last cooler bottle cracked and leaked all over our floor, it was suppose to supply us with H20 for the next week. 

I was fortunate to store a couple of carbonated mineral waters in my desk for warm summer days when I crave the bubbly stuff but I drank them already and my day is only half over!  I really don’t want to go out buy more water bottles.  I hate that they just go straight to the landfills.  Ha!  You must think I’m deranged…. I bet your thinking the water I get at the office is bottled too and therefore is not PC either! 

Let’s face it we all make choices and I admit my justifcation that the coolers are reasonable may be faulted but they are refilled/reused numerous times before hitting the landfills.  Please don’t judge, I try but I am not perfect.

Anyway…. water, water, water…. feeling parched and wondering what to do!  I don’t even know if the cart lady downstairs sells water!  I hope she does!  We don’t even have a grocery store within walking distance.  Our cart lady sells candy, sodas, and anything high in fat, sugar, or caffeine. 

Tomorrow I must remember to bring water from home in my lovely bright Nalgene’s to get me through until we get our refills but I hope to find water!  Soda, juices, and garbage just won’t do.  It’s not the same and just leaves me thirstier than when I started. 

Wish me luck!

has been turned off.  What switch you ask… the motivation switch is now off and the binge eating switch has been flipped on.  What the heck is happening?!  I am so frustrated with myself right now.  I have gained yet again and here we are on a third straight week of this attitude, behavior, ending with negative results but has it stopped me?  No! 

I start getting motivated, eat well, start dropping weight again, and then boom mental starvation mode kicks in.  I say mental because I’m not starving myself, I’m on plan and eating the allocated points but for some reason I start binge eating all over again.  Mentally I’m starving for something but what?  I can tell you it’s not food!

Last night prime example - I did great all day, got home bagged my run, and then proceeded to eat all evening long!  My husband is working out of town and I was chatting with him on the phone before bed.  I told him I did it again, I flat out over ate and was continuing to over eat anything and everything in sight.  My stomach hurt and yet I kept eating and eating.

Mick’s my best friend, I felt like I needed to confess.  He said he’s been really worried about me lately and said “Honey you’re going the wrong way.  I hate for you to undue everything you’ve worked so hard for.”  Ugh!  He’s so right and yet why am I doing this to myself?  Why can’t I seem to take control?  I was doing great for 5 months then Christmas hit.  I have seriously crashed & burned!  I have got to stop this pattern, otherwise before I know it I’ll be right back to square one. 

I know what I’m doing and yet I’m still doing it.  I have to stop.  Today I’m flipping the switch back and leaving it on!  This is it, no more crap!  Hell, I’m duck taping the damn switch on and fastening it so I can’t flip it back again.  The behavior I’ve displayed over the last three weeks is absolutely unacceptable.

I’m pulling out my Tony Robbins tapes, I’m reading up on my goal setting again, and I’m making this happen!  I refuse to bury myself under the fat and anguish in my self pity.  Mick’s right, I need to reach out for his hand and allow him to help me out of the rubble.  It’s time to leave it behind and get back on track.  So today is day one of 2008!  Today will be a better day.  I have faith!

I finally polished off the last of the Costco trail mix.  A colleague brought it in for us in mid December and it’s been haunting me in the break room ever since.  For some reason yesterday & today I have been absolutely unable to resist, might be TOM’s fault. 

I’m actually really relieved to have put it out of it’s misery!  I ate the last 1/2 cup and tossed the empty bag in the trash, good riddance!  At approximately 9 points for a 1/2 cup, it’s killing my post holiday recovery plan. 

To be honest it’s been one of those days.  I stood up my running partners this morning, the alarm that I doubled checked last night never went off.  Blasted alarms!  Some how it got turned off in the middle of the night.  So not only did I splurge on trail mix but I missed my only opportunity to workout today!  I’m just fortunate to have woken up in time for work but my poor dog, Jake, had to skip his favorite part of the day too.  Needless to say neither one of us were very happy with me this morning!  I’m hoping to take him for a late night walk when I finally get home. 

My resolution this year is to establish myself as his pack leader and relieve some of his anxiety issues.  His day is so much harder for him when I fail to get him out, lead him, and migrate with him somewhere (doesn’t matter where, just as long as we move together).  So I’m feeling guilty.  I have to make it a point to walk him tonight, regardless of what time I get home.  

Today will get better!  I’m here, there’s no more trail mix to tempt me, and this gloomy day shall pass.  Onward & upward!

It’s not Saint Patty’s day yet…. but it is Friday, so why not?  I met a friend for coffee.  We decided it’s cold, a little Saint Patty’s warmth would be perfection in a cup, so Irish Coffees were in order - Yummy!  Too bad I can’t count the whip as a milk for the day - oh well! 

I’m so glad we decided to go for it.  It was really fun to catch up, have a little reprieve, and a well deserved treat.  I’m estimating that the treat cost me 4 pts but then one never knows.  I may have underestimated it.  However, I’m finally beginning to understand that I didn’t become overweight overnight nor by being a point off in my estimations. 

Simply put, I got here by over indulging on a daily basis.  Thankfully I started this whole process last year and I’m finally breaking some of my mental hang ups.  I’m tracking, making wise choices, and planning.  I finally understand that I can choose to indulge and still stay on plan.  I’ve also learned that it’s okay to maintain or a gain a little one week, it’s all about the choices that we make.  I know that one splurge doesn’t ruin an entire day, an entire week, or an entire year.  I can choose to hop back on the wagon at any time! 

The holidays were a good example of that.  It feels good to be back on track!  I will get to goal this year and more importantly prior to my health check this spring.  I want to shock my doc!  I can’t wait to see the look on her face and the test results that show my improvements.

 I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy living it! 

Weigh in today revealed that I have gained another 0.6 lbs, for a total of 5.8 lbs gained over the holidays.  The gain has pushed me back above both my 10% mark and my 20lb loss mark.  While it is hard to accept that I’ve back pedaled, I am choosing to look at the fact that I am still 16.8 lbs lighter in 2008 than I was in 2007.  

 I know there is the whole hullabaloo about resolutions and all but quite frankly I believe in them.  I like goals, I like resolutions, I like thinking of myself as a fine wine getting better with age!  I fully expect I will be a better version of myself come next year!  If not I’ve only wasted the time and who wants that? 

I find myself constantly setting goals but then I’m one of those list freaks.  I set weekly goals, monthly goals, quarterly goals, and annual goals.  I found that I typically achieve at least 70% of the goals.  While that’s not 100%, it’s much more than I would have accomplished if I hadn’t set the goals in the first place.

 So I am starting fresh!  I have been on program all day and focused on becoming a better me!  It’s all about choices and I choose to be happier, healthier, and helping my family do the same.  I hope you’re all doing well and going strong too! 

It really is possible to gain 5.2 lbs in one week!  Holy cow!  I knew that I gained and I was hoping for a swift kick in the rear but mercy already!  I can’t believe how spectacularly unforgiving the scale was today.  I expected maybe a 3 or 4 lb gain.  I’ve gained more in one week than I ever thought was possible - why is that I can’t seem to lose this much in one week?

Oh well… that’s not the point.  I prefer to focus on the lessons I’ve learned this week:

1.)  Personal pity parties with food are never satisfying - they just make you feel worse both emotionally & physically.
2.)  Eating anything and everything hurts!
3.)  Holiday’s are not an excuse. 
4.)  Once you fall off the wagon, jump back on!
5.)  Waiting until tomorrow/Monday/New Year’s Day or whatever else may be convenient but it only adds more difficulty to your journey in the long run.
5.)  Admit a mistake, accept it, love yourself through it, and learn from it!
6.)  Don’t repeat said mistake!

So I’m back…. back on the wagon, back to plan, back to tracking, and back to the person that I know I can be!  Here’s to my healthy lifestyle for the rest of this year, for next year, and for the future beyond!