has been turned off.  What switch you ask… the motivation switch is now off and the binge eating switch has been flipped on.  What the heck is happening?!  I am so frustrated with myself right now.  I have gained yet again and here we are on a third straight week of this attitude, behavior, ending with negative results but has it stopped me?  No! 

I start getting motivated, eat well, start dropping weight again, and then boom mental starvation mode kicks in.  I say mental because I’m not starving myself, I’m on plan and eating the allocated points but for some reason I start binge eating all over again.  Mentally I’m starving for something but what?  I can tell you it’s not food!

Last night prime example - I did great all day, got home bagged my run, and then proceeded to eat all evening long!  My husband is working out of town and I was chatting with him on the phone before bed.  I told him I did it again, I flat out over ate and was continuing to over eat anything and everything in sight.  My stomach hurt and yet I kept eating and eating.

Mick’s my best friend, I felt like I needed to confess.  He said he’s been really worried about me lately and said “Honey you’re going the wrong way.  I hate for you to undue everything you’ve worked so hard for.”  Ugh!  He’s so right and yet why am I doing this to myself?  Why can’t I seem to take control?  I was doing great for 5 months then Christmas hit.  I have seriously crashed & burned!  I have got to stop this pattern, otherwise before I know it I’ll be right back to square one. 

I know what I’m doing and yet I’m still doing it.  I have to stop.  Today I’m flipping the switch back and leaving it on!  This is it, no more crap!  Hell, I’m duck taping the damn switch on and fastening it so I can’t flip it back again.  The behavior I’ve displayed over the last three weeks is absolutely unacceptable.

I’m pulling out my Tony Robbins tapes, I’m reading up on my goal setting again, and I’m making this happen!  I refuse to bury myself under the fat and anguish in my self pity.  Mick’s right, I need to reach out for his hand and allow him to help me out of the rubble.  It’s time to leave it behind and get back on track.  So today is day one of 2008!  Today will be a better day.  I have faith!