Struggling
These past couple of days have been hard, but I’ll get to that in a moment, after I talk about my weekend.
First of all, foodwise, it was probably the best weekend I”ve had in a long time. The meeting at Braum’s? All I had was a diet Cherry Limeade. That was my “treat.” I ignored everyone around me with the icecream, and really, wasn’t all that tempted.
Saturday, I wanted Chinese for dinner, but the only Chinese restaurant that was open was a buffet. So, I get a buffet to go, and because I wanted to get my money’s worth, I filled it full with noodles, rice, garlic and teriyaki chicken, broccoli beef, green beans and mushrooms. Disaster waiting to happen, right? Well, when I get home, rather than eating directly out of the to go container, I put just a little bit of each on the place, and put the rest in the refridgerator. I ended up not eating all that I put on my plate and felt ok, because as I told myself, “There’s more in the fridge that you’ll be able to eat.”
Sunday, for lunch (since I overslept breakfast), I take out a small plate (ok, I guess it’s technically a saucer) and repeat the procedure from Saturday. There’s still Chinese in the refridgerator. Super Bowl party? Ok, so maybe there wasn’t the healthiest snacks available, but I really don’t feel like I over did it. I took just little bits at a time, and wouldn’t let myself go back to the table more than once a quarter. If I felt like I wanted more to eat, I refilled my water glass instead. Yes, I even refrained from the empty-calorie beer. (Ok, so it was bad beer)
This is where it gets ugly. I mentioned Thursday that the scale was indicated that I might be able to record a loss. When I said loss, I mean LOSS. Starting Wednesday, it said 198 (which was a loss of 4 pounds), then Friday and Saturday is was 196, and Sunday 198. I was THRILLED. That would be the least I’ve weighed since I was at least 16 (I’m 24 now). But then, when I go to “weigh-in” on Monday… 203. Not only was that not a loss, it was a gain from last Monday. I felt absoluately deflated. What did I do wrong? I tried attributing it to possible muscle gain from my step pilates, so I dug out my tape measure - gain 2 inches. I felt like crying, but instead ate breakfast, did my exercise, then went to class.
But, when I looked in the mirror, while stepping into the shower after my workout, I felt like crying again. For the first time in my life, I actually “saw” that I was fat… I know that sounds weird - I’ve always know that I am medically obese, but I’ve never felt it and I’ve never actually seen it myself - that’s just always who I’ve been, what’s normal for me. But when I looked in the mirror, I looked fat to myself. I saw how disproportionate I am, how much my rear sticks out from the rest of me, how…. I don’t know how to describe it.. Non-linear? I am. I just wanted to curl up and sleep forever.
I’ve tried to get over it today. I know that it’s really not as bad as it seemed, I was just disappointed over not getting to record a loss. For breakfast, I ate a one egg omelet with milk and mushrooms. Lunch was a turkey wrap, strawberries, cantaloupe, and banana break, and dinner was a roasted chicken (I took the skin off before eating it), potatoes, and salad. I WILL lose the weight, but it won’t always be easy.
I totally understand where you are coming from when you talk about seeing yourself for what you are for the first time. I had that same experience. It has taken a while to get “used” to. But take consolation that you are already on a path that will forever alter the way you look.
From what you said you ate..I bet anything those extra pounds and inches are due to water retention. Nobody gains two inches in a matter of days from normal fat gain. Just my two cents. Drink lots of water and it will help flush it all out.
Keep your chin up.
Jeni
I agree with Jenis001. Chinese food contains tonnes of sodium - something that actually takes more than a day or two to get out of your system. Get your water, stick to plan, and wait it out until next week. I suspect you will see your loss then.
well first, you are making such wonderful choices! You should feel so proud. everything you are doing is only helping you, not hurting you, and you have to realize that the scale is not always going to reflect your had work. sure, the whole point of this is to lose weight and be healthier, but at the same time, each time you make a healthy choice vs an unhealthy one, you are only making your life better. so hang in there, perhaps it was a fluke? Ive had times where I got on and was like 4 pounds and then I Would weigh in a few days later and would be like really low. maybe you just had some extra sodium in your system or ate something that is taking its time getting out of your system. chinese food is probably the worst (Even in moderation) for passing through and is loaded with sodium. but dont give up and dont worry because your efforts are not in vain.