Big and Beautiful

http://www.newsweek.com/id/76929?GT1=10645

Stepped on the scale this morning, and it said I’d maintained.  Which I’m thrilled about, but a little disappointed considering that yesterday morning it was a loss.  But any given week I fluctuate 5 pounds, so maybe that’ll give me something to look forward to next time I weigh-in.

 Which I really don’t know when that’ll be. I’m going home for three weeks, and as far as my parents know, I’m not consciously losing weight. (They know I”m trying to eat healthier (I’ve slipped in stuff like, “Yeah, I’ve tried this recipe with these lofat ingrediants.” or “Yeah, I’m trying to eat less meat” and they know that I’m keeping tabs on my weight, but I don’t know if that has manifasted itself into “actively trying to lose weight” in their minds.  Of course, I”m probably the last thing from their mind at the moment). Anyway, they have a scale, but it’s in the laundry room with a bunch of stuff piled on it. So to be discreet about weighing would probably not work. I may take my bathroom scale from here and just get the best readings I can on carpet in my bedroom.

I mentioned a while back that I got some bad news. Well, that news has been giving me problems with trying to avoid comfort food today.  What it is is that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Found out today that it’s not the easily treatable kind, that she’s going to have to do the whole gamut of chemo, surgery, and radiation.  But talking to my dad today he said that most people make it through find without any reoccurences. 

What I really want is some gooey chocolate fudge brownies… Fortunately, I don’t have any brownie mix in my pantry and I don’t want to go out and pick anyup.  Really laziness on my part, not wanting to chip the ice off my car again. 

These past several days have been rough food wise… With finals coming up my schedule has been blown to dust and I’m with friends quite a bit more (all who love to eat, see article below. Only one of them is what I woudl consider a normal weight).  I don’t even remember what I’ve eaten… There’s been some ramen, some pizza, some tacos, some chicken and noodles… Nothing too incredibly terrible, it’s just been more non-stop. 

On an up-note, I had to finally buy a new belt! Yea!  The belt I had been wearing just wasn’t doing the job anymore. According to the size tag, the size I bought is a Large, which doesn’t really mean anything to me belt wise, but considering I had been wearing 2xls clothes wise, sounds pretty good.  When I get the munchies, I end up tightening it a little bit as a reminder. 

Another up-note. I went to put on a sweatshirt I hadn’t worn for years because it was too small, and… It fit!  I don’t even know why I had it here, it was in the back of my closet (visible because of how desparately I needed to do laundry) here at school (which is the weird part) so I’m like, “I think I”ll put this on today.” and it fit! It actually looked really good. Most of my clothes aren’t form fitting at all (they’re actually t-shirts), but this with the way it fit actually made it look like I have a waist. Yea!

Article by Newsweek:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/73765?GT1=10645

One thing I forgot to account for yesterday was that at one point I went to a coffee shop to study and had a non-fat mocha (no whipcream)

Today, for breakfast I had cereal.  For lunch I ate leftover mac and cheese. And for dinner I had French Onion soup, salad, and a couple slices of bread (in addition to what was in the soup).  So even my meals were boring today.

I bought some resistance bands the other day, thinking that I could start doing those for a ltitle bit each day to help me work back up to my three-mile walks.  So far I’ve failed miserably, only having touched them once since I bought them and that was to see how hard they were.  I’m already making new year resolutions, and exercise is definitely going to be one of them.  Afterall, after the New Year I will no longer have the “pain” excuse.

To show what exactly happened yesterday I”m going to include the time of my “meals”  Probably the strangest thing was that last night I just couldn’t feel full - even with drinking three or four HUGE glasses of water.

9:00:  Egg and cheese sandwhich, orange

3:30:  3 of my left over dumplings (I was getting ready to go to the store to get some things I needed for dinner and didn’t want to go there without eating anything. They actually made me feel full until I got back home).

6:00ish: 3 ounces or so of BBQ shrimp, peaches (canned kind in “light” syrup), salad

9:30is: I was still feeling really hungry, and since I all but skipped lunch, I ate the last of my egg drop soup.

11:30ish:  Still really hungry, so I ate salad.

1:00: No food, but this was when I finally got to bed.

Note to self: Try not to have this whacky of an eating schedule.  I was busier on campus than I thought would, so I didn thave time to buy lunch and didn’t take one with me, so that was just poor planning.

I was doing my usual morning news check, and this video popped up on Yahoo.  Talk about inspiration!

http://www.yahoo.com/s/751626

Ok, so today was a rough day… After the elation of losing so much weight I got into a mental slump - I’ll just come right out and say it - I am insecure, I have low self esteem.  Unfortunately, I battle this by baking.  I’m good at baking, it’s something I can actually do and I love feeding my baked goods to people (especially if they like what I’m feeding them). Unfortunately, baked goods have to sit in my apartment until I go to class the next day.

So, I’ve been feeling rather low today, over analyzing a dream I had (oh, don’t get me wrong, the dream was great and I was really really happy and content in the dream, which is the problem) and I just couldn’t get myself to work on some homework. So, what do I do? I bake cookies!  I’d been promising people at school for a while that I would, and what better time then when I can use it to procrastinate? Unfortunately, baking cookies means eating one..or two..or three… to make sure they’re suitable for public consumption.  So yes, I had three cookies. *slaps her hand* Oh well, it’s not the end of the world, right?

Breakfast: Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal

Lunch: PB&J, salad

Dinner: Pasta Bake (with meatless marinara because of yesterday), salad, garlic bread

Snack: 3 cookies, popcorn.

Drum roll please…..

 3 pounds!  My scale weighed in at 203.  Yea!  That’s the most exciting reading I’ve had in a long time.  I”m just 3 pounds away from actually being the weight that’s on my driver’s license, which will mean my lowest since I was 16. 

 The thing that worries me is that after next week, I’ll be home for three weeks, and I honestly inherited my pre-”diet” eating habits from them.  I’m going to have to come up with a way to not ruin my progress during those three weeks.

I’m going to start setting mini-NS goals each week.  This week, my goal is to drink more water. 

Maaaaan, I was doing so good.

Here’s what I ate today:

Bfast: Yeah, I slept in again.

Lunch: 3 dumplings from last night plus a bowl of egg drop soup

Snack: Orange and 1/2 cup of my Eddy’s Slow Churned. 

Dinner: Ok, so I got an email from a friend wanting to know if I wanted to try this steakhouse that he’d never been to (I had in another city and knew it was good), so I said sure, I’d go.  So, we gather another one of our friends and headout.  I order a 6 oz sirloin with loaded baked potato (I wasn’t worried about the cheese because I’ve been below on my calcium lately) and ceasar salad (dressing in the side).  Ok, so the sirloin was a little big for a days worth of meat, but just by an ounce and I knew that I was way under on my meat from yesterday. So I figured I had an ounce or two of play room. Well…I get the check and it turns out it was actually an 8 ounce steak. GRRR.  I wasn’t going to mess with cutting an ounce off, but if I had realized it was an 8 oz, I honestly woudl have cut it in half.  C’est le vie, what coudl I do at that point?

NOT EAT THE DAMN ICE CREAM MY FRIENDS WANTED TO GO OUT FOR!!!  Yes, I had an ice cream cone knowing that I had already screwed up for the night.  I did order a junior size cone, but I think the scoop was still the same size.

So, tomorrow, no dessert, and I’m going to have to find a vegetarian dish for dinner.