Big and Beautiful

Just did my weigh-in and… *drum roll please*

I’m down half-a-pound!  I’m now at 224, which is my 10 pounds mark, yea! Just another 13.5 until I’m to my 10%!

I think that something I’m learning is that while it may not seem to me as if I’m making all that great of “what” choices, that the “how much” really seems to be coming into play.  I’ve all but eliminated mindless snacking, and most snacking in general.  I find that here at my parents house I tend to do a little more because lunch is around noon or 1pm, and then dinner isn’t until 8:30 when my mom wakes up for the night, and that’s a little too long for me to go without nothing.  But instead of grabbing a Little Debbie or some ice cream, I’m much more likely to go for grapes or dry cheerios.  And while I do on occassion have relapses on the soda, I have reduced the amount that I’m drinking (although my water has suffered since I’m no longer sitting behind a desk all day mindlessly drinking it).

 With all the driving my friend and I did this weekend, we listened to Janet E’s (can’t spell her last name) Ten Big Ones. It’s part of a series (so I’m told) about a bounty hunter named Stephanie Plum… man, can this girl eat and apparently has inherited great metabolism.  Well, during this book, her family points out that she’s gained some weight, and she goes nuts with trying to suddenly go on a diet while trying to avoid being eliminated by this gang thug that was brought in to kill her - talk about stress!  Several times while she’s trying to “diet” (admittedly, at one time she called it a pastry diet), she says something along the lines of “I’m hungry, I’m weak, and this is making me grumpy,” which I found very easy to relate to from the first couple days of my diet.   There were several comments that she makes that just made me want to say, “I hear ya!”  Also, one of the people that she is sent to go collect failed to appear for court for holding up a Frito-Lay truck (it was her TOM, and she’d been on a diet, and she just couldn’t take it anymore!) Her excuse for not going?  Nothing fit… everything she had made her feel fat.  I know that we’ve all had those days!

I recommend reading this book, if for no other reason that this character’s philosophies and struggles with dieting. And in general, it was just amusing as hell.

Got moved into my new apartment — and I did manage to get a two bedroom! Yea!!!  I should have known that I shouldn’t stress out, that it would all work out.  Thanks for all the support! 

While I may have burned a lot of calories moving this weekend, I certainly didn’t make the best choices…. 

Friday:  

Friday I woke up an hour late, and didn’t have time to eat breakfast before picking the friend that was going to help up, so I unfortunately ended up at a McDonald’s drive through for breakfast… I love their breakfast burritos, and I just couldn’t help myself.

Lunch was a chicken cesar pita from Chili’s, so in and of itself it wasn’t too bed, especially since I did remember to ask for the dressing on the side.  But, I ate all of the fries, and then my friend and I split “shot glass” desserts… they have these pudding/cheesecake type deserts now that come in shotglasses - I’m sure it’d be great if you just ordered one, but we had to try all three.

Dinner wasn’t too bed - I had soup at my favorite Thai place in Kansas, and didn’t eat it all, so it became breakfast the next morning. 

 Saturday:

Left over soup from the previous night for breakfast.  Then, for lunch, my parents brought me barbeque from Kansas City (I couldn’t resist!), and yes.. I ate the whole thing.  It ended up taking about 5 hours to load up the U-Haul with all my stuff (I ended up leaving some chairs behind for my former roommates) Then, for dinner…. I had a chicken sandwhich (crispy, not grilled - talk about a guilt trip) from Braum’s along with fries.  It was after ten p.m. by the time we got to Oklahoma, and we were all exhausted, and I just didn’t have the energy to care what I was eating… but boy, the regret was there afterwards! It woudl have been so easy to order a salad and somethig and say I didn’t eat a lot because I was just too tired!

Sunday:

My dad sprung for a hotel Saturday night (no one wanted to unload my furniture at 11 o’clock), and they had a continental breakfast.  The good thing is is that I avoided the donuts and ate just a bowl of cheerios - yea, me!  The only fruit they had left was in the form of apple juice, so in my goal to reduce my sugar intake, I skipped the juice. 

Lunch, after we finished unpacking, was KFC…  man, I’d been watching their commercials thinking how awesome their chicken looked, and it tasted as good as it looked.   I guess if I wanted to try and justify it, I could always point out that they’ve supposedly eliminated transfat from their foods… but that does nothing other than give me a false feel good.  It was still fried, it was still a lot of meat.

Snack, was half a large fry on the way back to Missouri.

For dinner, my parents, brother and sister-in-law and I went for prime rib dinner to celebrate my birthday (which was Saturday).  Here I totally fell….    8 oz prime rib (yes, I ate it all), cesar salad (forgot to ask for dressing onthe side), then loaded baked potato (minus sour cream).  Arg! How hard is it to cut a piece of meat in half and set it aside? That’s one little thing that I could do to help, that I just forget most of the time.

Now, I’m back in Misery for a couple of weeks, at the mercy of my parents cooking and grocery shopping.  Though, I did offer to cook tonight, and I was originally planning on doing that pasted bake that I made a couple weeks ago, but decided that I wouldn’t risk my mom not liking it and go for regular speghetti and meat sauce.  That’s at least easy to control portion size on, and my lunch wasn’t all that bad - fajitas, with maybe only 2 ounces of meat (it was a small, perfect for lunch, serving).

I’m going to do a weigh-in tonight, praying that I’ve stayed steady, since last week wasn’t really all that bad… I think. 

Went to see Harry Potter last night (midnight showing) and it was a good movie. If you’re a fan, I suggest seeing it.   Unfortunately, I ended up drinking two large sodas (ok, a lemonade and a rootbeer — free refills are not my friend), which I probably should have done, but on the plus side, my friend got a large popcorn (free refill) about an hour before the movie and asked if I wanted to split. I said no, that I was going to wait until closer to the movie and get mine without butter.  Well, she ate what she wanted (claimed it was stale), and handed me the bucket when I got ready to go get my popcorn and told me I could throw out what was left and get a refill without butter for me. :-)   I was still a little reluctant to do this, because of the shear amount of popcorn, but it was better than having to pay for a bag on my own, so I did it and actually do not feel as if I over ate… of course it’s hard to judge with that large of a container, but I didn’t even come close to proably a quarter of the bucket. Yea!

Well, because I didn’t get home until after 3 (by the time I chatted with people and we got out of the theater parking lot, it was 3), I slept until the tornado sirens went off (monthly test, I had forgotten how long Missouri lets them go compared to Kansas) at 10, then got up, and since it was a little late for breakfast I waited an hour and half then ate a ham sandwhich with cheese and mustard (really working on giving up mayo).  With the sandwhich I had some cauliflower, broccoli, and cucumbers that I found in the back of the fridge and still seemed decent (I asked my mom when she got up breifly this afternoon and she confirmed that they’d only be out about a week).

Then, I decided that since I walked a mile yesterday (though I suppose that probably shouldn’t count), I decided to swim laps. So, I did 5 minutes of stretching, 20 minutes of lapping, 5 minutes treading, then some more stretching.  I may end up mowing the lawn later this evening when it cools down (though honestly, it’s really not that hot today, I was actually a little chilly swimming). Or I may save it for tomorrow morning. 

The only other food I’ve had today is maybe a cup and a half or so of grapes that I just had to try and ward off being hungry.. It’s another 2 or 3 hours until my parents normally eat. 

Ok, so I went to PetsMart, took a brisk mile-long walk, and have cleared my head a bit…. In case you couldn’t tell from my previous post, I was a little angry.   

Thanks for the support on the apartment thing, “Laughing”… I was already backpeddling on whether I really wanted to move to OK or not, and this is just making me peddle faster.

I don’t have a copy of it, but I’m sure that the thing I signed (which wasn’t a lease, which will be signed when I moved in) said “preferences will be considered, but no guarantees made.” Which is fine… If he tells me that I have to settle for a one-bedroom, I’ll sign a ten-month lease and find a different complex for my second year.  The document on the website says that assignments will be made 2-weeks in advance, but I’m not sure that’s the one I signed.  My main concern is that with the apparent lack of pre-planning, I’ll get there on Friday to find that there are NO apartments available…

My main objection to the one-bedroom is that I havn’t seen it.  He told me when I vistited in late May that there wouldn’t be one available and therefore couldn’t show me an unit… I saw at another complex a 700 square foot one bedroom, and it looked tiny, and his are only 538 square foot, which is what made me change my mind about a one-bedroom being acceptable.  But it IS close to campus with only one major road between it and campus, such that I could ride my bike, whereas the other one is a little further with like five major roads, which would make biking a little hazardous… 

Well, I better go eat my salad… that’ll be the highlight of my day.  That, and my new glasses.

I’m really trying to keep from stress eating right now… So, I’m replacing the tempation with blogging (usually I shop, but I have to stop doing that as well given that my budget is shrinking).

The source of this latest stress bout?  My “new” apartment… Basically, that  I don’t have one yet.

When I turned in the application and the deposit back at the end of May, the manager told me to call the Monday before to find out where I’ll be.  So, all yesterday I tried to get ahold of them just to get their answering service each time. I finally reach them today, and he asked if I wanted a one bedroom instead.  This would have been fine and dandy except, I didn’t see their one bedrooms because he said they wouldn’t have any available, and my furniture is rather large. There’s also the issue that I kept some of my grandma’s furniture from the auction thinking I’d have room for it.  So, I insist on a two bedroom. Well, he said that he was going to have to move some other people around to try and find a spot for me and to call back this afternoon. 

So, I call back about oh… 6 hours later, and he said that he was still working on it and that there was still people he had to contact to see what they wanted to do… WHAT IN HELL??? Why does this involve other people? Either he has the apartment I signed up for, or he doesn’t.  And his attitude was just all, “We have plenty of time, you’re not going to be here until Friday. We can figure it out then.” And then I brought up the electricity issue.. He told me that I needed to have a receipt saying that I got the electricity in my name before I sign the lease. Well, guess what? I need to knwo what unit I’m going to be in before I can get the electricity in my name.  Well, he tried telling me that I misunderstood him, but never told me what was accurate, I believe his words were, “You’re not understanding… Just call me on Thursday and maybe I’ll have it figured out.”

I swear, I had better have an apartment on Friday. I’m nt a lawsuit happy person by any means, in fact, I think most of the suits we hear about (for example, the $64 million dollar pair of pants) are rediculous, but I swear, if I get there on Friday, and he doesn’t have an apartment for me, I am suing his ass for the gas that I spent getting there (it’s a four hour drive from where I’m currently at at my parents house in Missouri), the gas up to where my furniture is (another four hours to my apartment in Kansas), then back to Missouri, where I guess I’ll have to get a storage unit for all my shit until I can find another apartment, as well as finding time for the people I have lined up to move me (mainly my parents, and a friend who is taking a day off work to help me).  As it is, my dad has to work next weekend, then the following weekend he promised to take my brother to an airshow in Wisconsin (to which he has already purchased tickets for anyway, so it’s not just a matter of breaking a promise to my brother), so we’re talking AT LEAST August.  When scheduling my move in date, we didn’t really look that far because of when I have to be out of my apartment in Kansas (July 30th). 

ARG!

In addition to this, there is absolutely nothing healthy in my parent’s house, with the exception of the grapes I just went out and bought to get me out of the house and away from junk food.  My mom the other day brought home a $15 dollar carrot cake - and I’m the only person in my family that even likes carrot cake.  I managed to avoid it for a couple of days, but last night my mom asked why I wasn’t eating it.  I couldn’t hurt her feelings by going, “Geez, Mom, I appreciate the thought, but I’m trying to avoid that stuff).” So, I cut part of it into 1/12 cake slices, which is still 600 some calories.  That’s about half what I was eating for the entire day when I was on my own. 

This morning, she bought some fried chicken on her way home from work (she works nights), and brought a couple peices into the living room where I was watching TV and was just like, “Here, have some chicken.” WHY CAN’T I JUST SAY NO?????  Then, for whatever reason, for lunch I felt like I needed to finish the steak that I bought on Friday, which would have been 4.5 ounces… So, regardless, I have used up my meat allotment, and have probably ingested more fat than a person should in a week.

Ok, I’m going to take my parents dog to PetsMart before I go break into the Lays potato chips that are sitting on the counter.  Here’s my menu for yesterday and today - oh, and did I mention I’m going to a movie tonight? I hope my friend understands when I either won’t share popcorn or insist on no butter (if I have the will).

Yesterday:

Breakfast:  Half a club sandwhich (left over from Friday?), potato salad

Lunch: hibachi veggies, shrimp, noodles, and some rice (if it weren’t for all the butter it’s cooked in, it wouldn’t be that bad…)

Dinner: Teriyaki chicken and rice that was left over from lunch (my mom wanted to go to a Japanese steak house….  The only good thing I can say is that I didn’t eat the entire thing at lunch like I normally do)

Dessert: 1/12 of a carrot cake

Today:

Breakfast: a fried chicken leg and thigh

Lunch: 4.5 oz steak, raw cauliflower

Dinner: Havn’t had yet, I’m going to go somewhere and pick up a salad. Might as well do something right.

Snack: Movie theater popcorn.

Oh, and I gained half a pound last week - totally deserved.  I had to use a different scale because mine is packed in a box in Kansas.  So, it was probably more than that.

Ok, I’m getting out of this junk food infested house.

Wow!  I wish I had internet access at my parents’ lake house! I got so much great support and so many tips that I wish I had before hand!

Overall… I didn’t do great, but I didn’t do horrible either…

My meal on Saturday, I chould choose between steak, mahi mahi, and chicken breast… I choose the steak, which was a whopping 18 ozs. It’s been ages since I’ve had one that big.  It was served with an apple vinagerette dressing, mashed potatoes, steamed veggies and seven layer chocolate cake…  Unfortunately, I forgot to ask for the dressing on the side (I don’t even know if they could have done it… this was a dinner cruise that serves about 700 meals each cruise), and I unfortunately ate the entire steak and cake… They didn’t have to go boxes, and I hate - and I repeat HATE leaving food on my plate. :-(     Other than that, the only thing I had to eat was a chili dog for lunch - needless to say I OD’ed on meat for the day.

Sunday was a little bit better… My family went to a chinese buffet, where I actually started with a salad - one thing I know about my visits to buffets is I end up with a ton of chicken and beef and very little veggies, so I thought I’d start with the veggies.  So, I had a salad with just a little bit of french dressing, then I had lo mien, green beans, about four pieces of chicken, and some shrimp.  It was still a lot of food, but meat wise not too terrible. I then allowed myself a little bit of ice cream, which should have been a no-no because of the previous night, but I did it, it’s over, I’m not going to dwell.

To add insult to injury, my parents ended up buying birthday cake afterwards and I ended up with the obligatory cake and ice cream.  *beats herself on the head* 

Dinner was fast food Mexican.. I think that’s all I need to say there.  I DID however, pass up the Cold Stone Icecream that my friends were eating while we watched a movie.  So yea me, I finally did something right this weekend.

All I can say is that this is a new week.  Yeah, I bombed out these past 5 days. But what is 5 days in the grand scheme of 21? (And please, don’t not answer slightly less than 1/4).  What is it in the grand scheme of the next 60 years of my life? Miniscule.  I’m going to start over, get back on track, starting now.

Thanks for all the support!

Kaboom….

Seriously… It feels like I’m self-destructing… I did so good for three weeks, lost 9.5 pounds, but ever since getting around my friends again (and my family will start contributing now too), it’s like I just can’t help myself. 

To be accountable, here’s what I can remember of my food since I posted on Wednesday (which feels like forever!)

Wednesday:

Breakfast:  Yogurt, grapes

Lunch: chicken and noodles and mashed potatoes

Dinner: Chinese (yes, I ate the whole thing by the end of the night)

Other:  Huge  glass of alcohol.  It was some SeaGrams thing that was 5%, but still… probably shouldn’t have.

Thursday:

Breakfast: Nada

Lunch (here’s where it starts getting really bad…stress eating from trying to pack and move): Long John Silver’s fish (fried, of course), chili-cheese fries, two medium rootbeers (at least they were diet).   The upside is that I didn’t finish my meal, all thought I hate leaving food.

Dinner (retribution): 6-inch cold cut trio on wheat from Subway, but I had rootbeer once, and now I’m on a kick..

 Today:

Breakfast:  Califlower and ranch dip (grr to the ranch dip)

Lunch: half a McAlister’s club, tortilla chips, chili con queso (once again, I stopped when I was full, so I get a break on the queso, right?)

Dinner: est. 4.5 oz grilled sirloin (it was 9 oz, and I attempted to cut it in half, once again, I get a break on everything else, right?), baked potato with bacon, butter, and cheese (ok, there goes all the credit I get for cutting my steak in half), side salad (dressing on the side, I dipped my fork into the dressing and then took a bite of salad, which is an improvement for me), a couple bites of my friend’s onion loaf, and…. here comes the shame: a brownie blast that had ice cream, and whip cream, and of course, a brownie.  I did share it with my friends who were eating with me, and I did leave some of it, but…

 And then this weekend is ….

Ok, I had a whole bunch more typed out, that for whatever reason the software felt like not saving, so to recap:

1.This weekend is my brother’s birthday. We’re going on the Branson Belle, which serves dinner. Can lead to disaster.

2. I realize that it’s not always the what that matters, but the how much.  I need to learn better portion control and realize that it’s ok to leave something on my plate. 

3.  I need to practice saying “I’m on a diet.”  I cut my meat in half tonight and set the half I wasn’t going to eat aside, and my friends looked at me as if I was nuts.  I tried saying that I’m trying to restrict my meat intake, but one of them (who I’m sure has no clue, the other may since she has a degree in dietetics and I’ve asked her some questions) was like, “Why? It’s never mattered before.”  But things would be just so much easier if I say, “I’m on a diet.” 

4. I self destruct around my friends and family, it’s like I have no control, see item 3 above.

So here’s the practice….

 I am on a diet.

I am on a diet.

I am on a diet.

Happy 4th of July everyone!  My actual fourth has been…boring, to say the least.  I leave for a week either tomorrow or Friday, and when I return it will be to load my stuff into a U-Haul and head for destinations south.  (ok, maybe only about 5-10 degrees south, but south none the less.)

But last night… As kind a final hurrah for me, my Division Ops officer arranged for me to go out on patrol with them last night as a “trainee.” Which, in all honesty, I do want to become crew qualified if I’m ever stationary for a summer to get my quals done.  But we had one “phantom SAR” (we had a relay for someone calling for assistance on the radio right before we turned our radio on, but no information as to what kind of vessel, and we talked to everyone who wasn’t moving with no luck, so we’re assuming that they got the problem fixed or other assistance - they never responded to our radio calls), and then after assisting a person watercraft (jetski) operator who was having a bad day overall, we headed to enforce the vessel exclusion zone for the firework display.  We had a great seat for the show because of this, other than getting “rained-on” by debris.  Had a huge chunk of cardboard fall in our vessel.

What all this means and has to do with my weightwatch is that my eating was a little…erratic and there was a little weight-ralted frustration.  First, I had to try and find navy shorts (I’m usually not invovled in summer ops).  I went to six places, and apparently it’s no longer acceptable for fat people to wear shorts.  In all of the miniscule women’s departments, capris reigned. And it was frustrating to see that in the “misses” departments, there were all styles of shorts -including navy.  One helpful sales woman offered to special order for me, which was nice,. but didn’t really help me any. I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO BUY OFF THE RACK!!!!! I’m tired of having to order my clothes.   ARG. So, I ended up having to wear slacks in 90 degree weather. Not fun.

Anyway, gotta get back to packing.

Food for the 3rd:

Breakfast…  Oops. Forgot.

Lunch… 4 oz. Hamburger with lettuc and cheese; cheese rice

Dinner… McDonald’s cheeseburger Happy Meal (another oops…. I was running late… At least I only got a  happy meal instead of a value meal).    Milk

Snack: I had two while on the patrol… a serving (approx) of honey roasted peanuts, and an apple.

YEA!!! I’m so excited that Roni got this back up!

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