I feel terribly that I haven’t been posting more often, but believe me when I say that my life has been utter chaos. My first final is tomorrow and I have been cooped up in the library all day every day getting ready. May 12 is my last final…I’ll resume posting more often after that.

Basic update on how I’m doing: I know that I’m retaining lots of water from the stress, so I’m not weighing myself until finals season is over. I’m doing my best to keep up with my walking and exercise because it really does help me stay sane when I’m stressed out. I’ve definitely had days where things were just too crazy to fit in time at the gym, but I’ve mostly stayed on track.

My appetite is always weird when I’m under stress…I tend to get a little sick to my stomach and can’t handle much heavy food. Oddly, I also get random insatiable cravings for sweets. The husband brought me home a pint of my favorite ice cream to cheer me up after a long study session. I didn’t eat the whole thing in one sitting, but I definitely sneaked spoonfuls straight out of the carton over the next several days. After I’d whittled the container down to about half of its original size, I decided that I’d gotten all the fun out of it that I needed to and threw the rest away. I am proud of myself…a year ago, I would have just left in the freezer and expected my willpower to keep me away from it.

I know that the way I am eating this week isn’t and can’t be a reflection of how I will eat normally, but given that this is a crazy time…I could be doing a lot worse. I promise more posts and updates and fun recipes when finals are over!

As I have posted, I spent a little over a week away from the scale. I was a little nervous coming back, but I ended up being down a pound, which means that I’ve lost 15 pounds over the past year! Hurray!

I think that it might be a good idea for me to weigh in a little less often for awhile. I’ve gotten the hang of eating well, and there’s really no reason for need the constant feedback. Furthermore, I’m under so much stress right now that my fluid levels are probably going to be pretty erratic. I’m going to keep up with my food journal and try to keep my exercise level high, but just weigh in a little less often. We’ll see how that goes…

Yesterday was a kind of odd snacking day…I was studying all day and didn’t feel very good, so I ended up just eating a bunch of snacks rather than real meals. I’m feeling much better today.

Food:
–Whole grain protein pancakes with peanut butter and raisins
–orange

–.8 oz dark chocolate
–Zucchini sticks
–Coffee with cream

–Sauteed tempeh and spinach

–Fruit salad

–Big bowl of spinach soup
–2 oz. beef
–Crystallized ginger

–Rye cracker with peanut butter and dried cranberries

–1/2 Ezekiel English muffin with hummus

Exercise:

7080 steps
20 minutes on stationary bike
5 minute ab workout

Finals are coming up, and I am really stressed. This, of course, makes me want to snack on every carb-heavy thing I can get my hands on. I’m having trouble getting my steps in because I’m spending so much time indoors studying, but I am doing my best to make up for it by heading to the gym more frequently for shorter, more intense workouts. The endorphins from the workouts are really keeping me sane. I am seriously considering delegating all cooking responsibilities to the husband until my finals are over. Then again, I would probably just end up taking some of them back…I acutally like cooking. It’s something fun to do with my hands that gets my mind off of school. But right now I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed. I’ll be posting more often once the school year is over in mid-May!

Also, I just wanted to say that everyone in this community is such a support and inspiration to me…thank you to all of you.

I had a really good day yesterday. I got in all of my steps, I ate well, and the hubby and I went to the gym together. Furthermore, I got to wear one of my favorite old skirts that finally fits me again!

Food:

–1/2 diced mango with 1/2 cup nonfat yogurt
–1/2 Ezekiel English muffin with peanut butter
–Small cup of coffee with half and half

–trail mix (golden raisins, dried cranberries, pecans, nature’s path cereal)
–Small orange

–1/2 whole wheat mini pita stuffed with goat cheese, bell pepper and zucchini
–Small can of v-8
–Green beans

–2 Wasa crackers with laughing cow

–Nature’s Path Flax Plus Multibran cereal with lowfat milk

–Turkey meatloaf
–Zucchini with shallots and garlic in butter spiked oil

Steps: 11504
20 minutes on stationary bike
30 minutes weight lifting

I really needed this scale vacation. I’m glad that I bought a scale this year, but right now, I need to spend some time away from it. The last few days I’ve been a lot more in tuned to how I feel. And I feel good. I eat tons of vegetables and drink tons of water and I’ve made huge strides in the area of emotional eating. I don’t feel weighed down by my food, but I’m not going hungry, either.

Other small victories…it suddenly got a lot warmer here, so I pulled out my old skirts. Last time I tried any of them on, they did not fit at all. And guess what? They fit fine. The scale may try to confuse me, but I AM making progress.

Not weighing myself is an odd experience, but I think this is good for me. The fact that stepping on the scale feels so tempting is evidence of why I need to do this. I need to get it through my head that I am not a number.

I’ve been eating well the past few days. Today I went to visit some friends out of town and ended up eating some cookies, but I didn’t binge, and I compensated with a light, healthy breakfast and lunch.

I have a new cereal find! I am typically very suspicious of cold cereal…it just doesn’t hold me as long as the cooked stuff. But sometimes it is nice to have a fast breakfast option for a hot day. My new stuff is Nature’s Path Flax Plus Multibran cereal. It’s tasty, high in fiber and low in calories. Plus, the addition of the flax seeds gives it a good dose of omega 3s. It does have some sugar in it, which normally makes me bypass cereal, but the overall sugar and carbohydrate content is pretty low. The fiber and fat seem to compensate for the sugar…this stuff holds me much longer than most breakfast cereals I’ve tried.

I am almost willing to forgive Starbucks for the zucchini muffin debaucle after today. I just got back from my Saturday morning walk and coffee ritual, and I treated myself to a wonderful little Rio Citrus Salad. It was made of fresh grapefruit, orange, and pineapple chunks, interspersed with a few crunchy red grapes. Really refreshing and tasty, and served in a nice 100 calorie portion. Yum!

Saturday is my normal “official” weigh in day. But I have decided to take a break from the scale for a week or two. I’ve had a frustrating couple of weeks. I’ve upped my exercise significantly and I’ve been watching my calories, yet my weight has gone up. The math just doesn’t make sense. Normally, I would just be able to shrug it off and keep going, but this time, it’s really getting to me. I’m getting into that frame of mind where I’m obsessing over my weight. I’m catching myself stepping on the scale multiple times a day, which I NEVER used to do. For my own sanity, I need to take some time to stop focusing on numbers and just focus on eating well and moderately and being active. That’s going to be easier said than done.

Exciting news: the husband went to the gym with me on Monday! The husband has never been a gym person…he did sports in high school and used to bike everywhere he went. Unfortunately, he’s not doing sports anymore and we live on a busy street with crazy traffic (not the best for biking). Despite his deep bias against the gym, he agreed to work out with me. We had a great time. He is going to give a try at being my workout buddy for a little while! I am very happy about this, because I am always more consistent when I have a buddy with me. Even if we’re doing totally different things, I work longer and harder when I have a friend with me. I am still sore! We are going again today…yay!

Foodwise…this is one of those weeks where I know that I just need to ignore the scale. I am getting back on track with eating clean. I ate very well yesterday…I just need to continue to up my vegetable intake. I’m drinking tons and tons of water and I’m working out. Yet the scale seems insistent that I am gaining a pound every day. I know that this can’t possibly be fat…I blame monthly water retention. It is still frustrating.

I am doing my best to stay on track regardless of my frustration. I made myself a healthy breakfast and a healthy sack lunch, and I have an easy dinner all planned out. I’ll write a post about my dinner later. It is incredibly fast and tasty. I don’t think it takes more than 10-15 minutes to make the entire thing. (Another Food Network victory!)

This was a crazy weekend. But, title to the contrary, I did pretty well. I “survived” a trip to a wonderful Mexican place with the in-laws. It’s a wonderful hole-in-the-wall restaurant where the owner cooks you wonderful, delicious, authentic food with her own hands…in completely enormous portions. I got some shrimp fajitas. Shrimp is a nice lean protein, and because it is so expensive, those fajitas tend to have mostly grilled vegetables and just a few shrimp. I eat them straight out of the pan with a little guacamole, no tortillas required. I did overdo it on the tortilla chips…this is what I get for letting myself go out to dinner when I was really hungry. This place is delicious, but fast it definitely isn’t.

I seem to have broken through my plateau a bit. As of this morning, I weigh 131.6. I’m excited, but I have mixed feelings…my relationship with food wasn’t the most emotionally healthy this week, and I don’t want to get into the mindset that any loss is a good loss. I hope to post more about this later when I have time to explain better. In the mean time, here is my food log for yesterday.

Food:
–1 whole wheat scone (plain)
–1 mango
–Nonfat latte

–Handful of nuts and dried fruit

–Leftover shirataki noodles with chicken and veggies
–1 rye crispbread with avocado
–Light string cheese
–.3 oz extra dark chocolate

–roughly 15 tortilla chips with salsa
–Shrimp and veggie fajitas
–Salad (chopped lettuce and tomato in lemon)
–Two tbsp. guacamole
–Two bites of refried beans

–apple

Steps: 10215
20 minutes on stationary bike
20 minutes lifting weights

I’ve still been extra hungry the last few days, but I’ve managed my hunger pretty well by eating lots of small meals full of fiber and protein. I’m hanging in there. I wonder if part of my hunger is due to the fact that I’ve recently increased my exercise or it its just garden variety stress cravings?

Food:
–Ezekiel English muffin with peanut butter
–1/3 cup strawberries and 1/4 cup nonfat yogurt drizzled with honey
–Café au lait

–Pistachio raisin trail mix
–apple

–v-8
–1 Fish taco (50 calorie low carb tortilla, catfish, black beans, avocado, salsa, part skim mozzarella)
–Pepper sticks
–Two light rye cracks and 1/2 wedge of laughing cow light

–.6 oz 85% dark chocolate
–Coffee with half and half

–crockpot chicken vegetable curry over whole wheat couscous

–High fiber cereal with skim milk