I’ve really prioritized sleep for the last couple of nights, and yesterday was much better. For the moment, I feel sane.

I really recommend sesame crusted chicken for a fun alternative to breading. I’ve never been a huge fan of breading, but I love this, and it’s really simple. You just pour out lots of roasted or toasted sesame seeds onto a dinner plate or other work surface, mix in some seasonings, and then take a piece of raw chicken or fish and press it down into the sesame seeds. They stick just fine without any egg or flour. Then just throw it into a nonstick pan to cook. There are only two things you have to really watch: 1) Don’t let the seeds burn in the pan. They should be fine, but watch to make sure that your heat isn’t too high. 2) Once you’ve put the meat in the pan, don’t touch until you need to flip it. The seeds have a tendancy to fall off and not be as pretty if you flip the meat back and forth a lot or otherwise move it around. I know that some places charge a lot for sesame seeds, but you can get huge containers of them for cheap in the Asian section of the grocery store.

Food:
–1/2 Ezekiel English muffin with peanut butter
–strawberries
–Coffee with cream

–Veggie sticks
–.5 oz dark chocolate

–Veggie wrap sandwich
–v-8
–Light string cheese

–Trail mix (peanuts and dried fruit)
–Orange

–Sesame crusted chicken
–Bulgar wheat with soy sauce and sesame oil
–cabbage

–Spiced sautéed banana

Steps: 9511

The last few days have been very stressful for me. I’ve had a bunch of big deadlines coming up and I’ve gotten very little sleep. Not sleeping is always a bad thing for me. I’m low energy, restless and can’t tell if I’m hungry or full. The result is that when I don’t sleep, I nearly always binge on carbs.

Monday was bad…I ate basically healthy meals, but the carb snacks were ridiculous. They served to keep me awake, but I sure felt rotten after. Yesterday morning, I started off the day with a very carb heavy breakfast. It wasn’t unhealthy per se, but it was definitely a result of emotion eating. So I decided to try to take control, and I did decently. I ate small lunch with lots of protein and veggies and determined that I was just going to listen to my body for the rest of the day. My body seemed to be saying more than anything that it was confused about the lack of sleep and not feeling great. This is not synonymous with “hungry,” I realized. I ate slowly and mindfully and drank a lot of water. The rest of the day went decently.

I’m not out of the woods yet. I’m still exhausted and trying to recalibrate after all of the sleep deprivation. Wish me luck.

Food:
–Whole wheat scone
–High fiber cereal with skim milk
–orange

–Leftover Stuffed pepper (stuffed with lean beef, veggies and bulgar wheat)
–Light string cheese
–v-8
–Small skim latte

–orange
–Two spiced walnuts

–Two rye crackers with peanut butter and sliced strawberries

–A few bites of corned beef (The husband’s creation. Man, that stuff is heavy! I could only eat a few bites)
–Two little red potatoes
–Big pile of cabbage (delicious…this was the bulk of my dinner)

–Sugar free jello
–orange

Note to self: I always feel the best on days when I eat the most vegetables. Yesterday, I drank tons of water and ate lots of veggies, and I felt great. My dinner salad was DELICIOUS. It was light, filling, and extremely yummy. I took a reccommendation from the book Eat, Drink and Weigh Less by Walter Willett and Mollie Katzen and tried sprinkling cooked whole grains straight into the salad. I was skeptical, but it was actually really good and made the salad much more filling.

Food:
–mango
–Whole wheat quesadilla with veggies and part skim cheese (I don’t care that this is nontraditional breakfast food…it was good!)
–Coffee with cream

–1 cara cara orange
–1 light string cheese

–Leftover stuffed pepper half (small)
–1 small can v8
–Veggie sticks

–Handful of trail mix

–Luna bar

–Spinach salad with salmon, tomato, avocado, bulgar wheat, and homemade Dijon dressing

–2 squares of very dark chocolate and a piece of ginger

Steps: 10990

Someone outside of my immediate family commented on my weight loss for the first time yesterday. Which would have been exciting if they hadn’t gone about it so poorly.

I ran into a classmate in the hall at school. After a brief greeting, she barreled into the following statement: “Are you eating? You look like you’ve lost weight. There are cookies in the lounge; you should go eat some!”

Just to be clear, there is no way I could possibly be considered too thin. I’m not overweight any more, and I’m within 10 pounds of my goal, but gaining weight would put me back in an overweight range pretty fast. I have lost about 12 pounds since the beginning of last summer. It’s a significant amount of weight, but I have also lost it very slowly through healthy lifestyle changes.

Comments like this have happened to me every time I have ever lost weight. If I lose start exercising more and lose five pounds, then clearly I’m being unhealthy and need to remedy this situation by eating junk. If I actually reach a healthy weight (which I did a couple times in high school), then I must have an eating disorder (yes, I’ve actually been accused of starving myself when I weighed 130 lbs). People expect everyone to be thin, but they also expect everyone to be thin while eating whatever you want. If you show evidence of effort, if you eat healthy, low calorie food, if you visibly drop weight, then people try to sabotage you and tell you that you are doing something wrong.

It makes me so upset, because I know girls who really do have eating disorders, and the accusation that someone is not eating is not one that I would ever make lightly. I might confront a close friend who was taking a diet a little bit too far, but making negative comments about a near stranger’s weight is just rude. And if I really was eating too little, I wouldn’t need cookies…I would need nutritious food and possibly a doctor’s help.

I don’t think that this person could possibly have believed that I wasn’t eating. The all too common “go eat cookies” response to someone’s weight loss isn’t about concern for someone’s health. It is about a desire to get someone to gain weight. Chubby people are supposed to stay chubby…its the way they are and they should just accept themselves, right?

Of course, you sometimes end up with the opposite problem…people who meet you and decide based on your appearance that you don’t have a weight problem and therefore shouldn’t have to try. Whenver I’m on track with my weight and health, I invariably meet strangers who tell me, “Oh, you can eat whatever you want” and proceed to give me grief about eating vegetables or not eating dessert.

I think it all goes back to this idea that people can’t or shouldn’t exercise control over their own health and physical appearance. I shouldn’t let it get to me, but I get frustrated. I know that I feel better right now than I have in years. I love the food I am eating. Meals are a real joy because I am actually taking time and care in preparing them and I know they are doing good things for my body. I’m never hungry and I have way more energy than I used to. I know that all of the changes I am making, even if they are hard, are good for me and will only make me happier and healthier. I just wish others could see that.

Here is my food log from yesterday. Do you call these starvation rations?!

Food:
–1/2 Ezekiel English muffin with peanut butter
–mango
–Coffee with cream

–Orange
–Light string cheese

–Vegetable and chickpea curry topped with nonfat yogurt
–Bell pepper sticks
–Small can of v-8 juice

–Handful of trail mix

–Two rye crackers with peanut butter
–strawberries

–1/2 small stuffed pepper (stuffed with lean ground beef, bulgar wheat, onion, veggies and cheese)
–1 glass red wine

–.5 oz dark chocolate
–Light string cheese

Steps: 7246

Yesterday was a day that I really would prefer to sweep under the rug, but I have decided to share it. It actually wasn’t that bad in terms of total calories, and I started and ended well. But the way I was eating was pretty terrible. I didn’t sleep well the night before, so I was stressed and listless all day. I didn’t pack myself a lunch…mistake #1. So I just ended up mindlessly, joylessly snacking my way through the morning. I never ate anything resembling a real lunch. The middle batch of snacks in my food log were all eaten before 1:00! I felt awful. I felt sick and bloated, but not particularly satisfied.

At that point, I managed to stop myself. I bought a huge bottle of water and just drank and drank for the rest of the day until dinner. Whenver the cravings hit, I asked myself whether I was really hungry or justed wanted food to relieve stress. The answer was always the latter. I had to stay late at school, so I called home and asked my husband to make dinner, which he agreed to do. I find that when I’m really out of control, it helps to know exactly when and where my next meal is coming from. When I got home, I made myself a yummy, healthy apple appetizer based on something I was once served in a nice restaurant. By the time I was finished with that, my husband was done making dinner.

As I said, the day wasn’t so terrible. But it made me realize how many days like that I used to have last semester before I started blogging! I was always eating basically healthy foods, and I wasn’t eating a lot of junk, but I would get lazy and not make myself a lunch, with the result being that I would eat almost no vegetables or lean protein during the middle of the day. I was bored and not getting adequate nutrients. Because I was focused on all the things I wasn’t eating (ice cream, chips, white bread, etc.), I didn’t understand why I wasn’t losing more weight. But now that I’m focusing more on what I am eating and how I am eating it, I feel so much better. I’m happier and have more energy and I feel far more satisfied, mentally and physically. I still don’t understand the math of all of it, because I think I am eating more food now than I used to, but the weight has started to come off, too.

So I have learned my lesson. No more laziness for me. I packed a healthy lunch for today, including a real main course (vegetable curry!) and lots of raw veggies to munch on in case I have risidual cravings. Onward and upward!

Food:
–1/2 Ezekiel English muffin with sauteed veggies, laughing cow, and a slice of salmon
–Coffee with cream

–orange
–Light string cheese

–Luna bar

–biscotti

–Handful of pistachios

–glass of wine
–Sliced apple with crumbled goat cheese, toasted walnuts and honey
–Pork loin with red wine sauce
–big pile of wilted spinach

–Crystallized ginger

Steps: 10525

I weighed in at 133.6 lbs today, which puts me at a BMI of 22.9. I have officially met my goal of bringing my BMI below 23. I am so happy!

Food:
–Diced mango and strawberries
–Lowfat cottage cheese
–1 rye cracker with peanut butter

–Small latte
–.25 oz dark chocolate

–orange
–Light string cheese

–two 50-cal low carb tortillas, 1 scrambled egg, a little cheese, salsa
–1 strawberry
–Sugar snap peas

–3 pieces of crystallized ginger

–Spicy vegetable and chickpea curry topped with a dollop of nonfat fage yogurt
–Whole wheat couscous

–1 sliced banana sautéed with cinnamon, butter and brown sugar

Steps: 12659
Pushups: 20
Crunches: 50

Yesterday was a pretty good food day for me. I got lots of steps and I ate lots of healthy food. I cut back my snacking back to a reasonable amount, which felt really good. But a couple hours after dinner, I had this craving for dessert. Normally, my dessert of choice is mango or a little yogurt with honey, but yesterday, something a bit more decadent was called for. So I took some of my leftover protein pancake batter and used it to make something like a crepe, which I stuffed with rasperries and a couple dots of cream cheese. I then topped the whole thing with fresh sliced strawberries and savored it slowly with a cup of decaf and a good book. It was heaven.

Food
–2 small protein pancakes with sliced strawberries
–1 rye cracker
–Coffee with cream

–Light string cheese
–1 cara cara orange
–.25 oz 85% dark chocolate

–Veggie wrap (low carb wrap, humus, tomato, spinach, pine nuts)
–Celery sticks
–.25 oz dark chocolate

–2 rye crackers with laughing cow

–Crock pot beef (lean) and balsamic veggies
–Steamed broccoli

–1 piece of crystallized ginger
–Homemade berry crepe (leftover protein pancake batter, stuffed with raspberries and a little cream cheese, all topped with fresh sliced strawberries)
–1/2 cup decaf with a splash of cream

Steps: 11659

Yesterday was just a so-so day for me. I ate quite a bit and I didn’t get all of my steps. But I’m back on track today. I took a couple of walks early on in the day so that I wouldn’t have to try to fit one in when I came home. I also cut back on the snacking. I’m so happy that right now I’m in a place where having the occasional so-so day doesn’t snowball into something terrible. I’m not all the way there, but I’m learning. Here is my food log for yesterday.

Food
–Kashi cereal, strawberries, nuts, lowfat milk
–Coffee with cream

–1 small orange
–Mixed green salad with 3 oz. chicken, a couple slices of egg, 2 tbsp chickpeas, 1 tbsp sunflower seeds, and 1 tbsp Caesar dressing
–1 whole wheat roll with 1 tsp butter

–2 rye crackers with laughing cow
–1 light string cheese
–1 small can v-8

–Luna bar

–1/2 cookie (wasn’t hungry, didn’t need it, but at least I stopped myself midway through!)

–Lamb and white bean stew
–1 apple

–1 sugar free jello
–Dried fruit
–four nuts

Steps: 9341

I just wanted to post a quick food log for yesterday. The husband got a pasta maker for his birthday, and today he made me his first batch of homemade whole grain pasta. It was completely delicious. I am so lucky to have a husband who will accomodate my demands for whole grains!

Food:
–Open faced scrambled egg sandwich (1/2 Ezekiel English muffin, laughing cow, 1 scrambled egg, salsa)
–Coffee with cream

–orange
–2 rye crackers

–1 small can v-8
–Veggie sandwich in whole wheat pita

–small handful of trailmix

–orange
–Homemade whole wheat egg noodles with tomato sauce, turkey, and part-skim mozzarella

–Pumpkin ricotta with 4 pecan halves, 1 tsp cream, and a sprinkle of brown sugar
–.5 oz dark chocolate
–Small glass of skim milk

Steps: 8945
Resistance: 20 minute workout with resistance band

Bad news: I tore my favorite pair of jeans yesterday.

Good news: I have a pair of skinny jeans that were a hand-me-down from a friend. I couldn’t fit into them at all when I first got them. I try them on every now and then, but they’ve always been far too small. My current jeans are a size bigger. After my jeans ripped, I decided to see if I could squeeze into the skinny jeans. And I didn’t even have to squeeze. They went on with absolutely no trouble. I almost cried.

Food:
–1/2 Ezekiel English muffin with peanut butter
–Nonfat latte
–Apple

–1 plate of food from Indian buffet (tandoori chicken, chicken curry, lamb curry, spinach, cucumber salad)
–2 vegetable pakoras with tamarind chutney
–4 orange wedges
–1 small flute of champagne

–Whole wheat quesadilla with 1 oz. low fat cheese and salsa
–Celery sticks
–Baby caramel apple

–Diced mango

Steps: 10031