DIETS make you FAT!

Wow.  What a pick-me-up.  I’m feeling very, very down when I get online to blog…read a couple really nice comments from my wonderful blog support network (thank you all)…and I feel a little sunshine comin’ back into my heart, even though it’s almost the middle of the night!  Who needs drugs when you’ve got blogs?! Hee hee.

Today I felt sick all day long, kinda flu-ish and achy.  Luckily on non-shooting days, I work at home retouching portrait orders, so sat here in my PJ’s, working all day.  And I felt a little sorry for myself all day too…you know those moods, right?  And I decided that I DESERVED to just eat all day long.  So I did!  Not horrible, but way over points, and way too much.  I don’t miss this icky full feeling.  At least I’m full of OK food, not junk food!  And tomorrow, I’ll be extra good and maybe exercise a little more to make it up.

Why is it, too, that when you feel icky anyway, things seem to just pile up?  A friend I’ve known since college (I graduated in the early 90’s) and whom I have not seen since my wedding 12 years ago decided to get in touch with me via e mail on a business matter. Without boring you all with details, thru a few e mails exchanged, I decided I did not want to do business with this friend and when I tried to help him find another photographer, he basically proceeded to rake me over the coals and totally criticize the way I choose to run my business, and stated that he was doing me a favor by considering me to shoot an event for him.  What a JERK.  I’ve known this guy for 15 or more years, even roomed with him and his wife at one point (she was my former roommate and totally a cool person) and I always respected them, and their opinions. It really really hurts my heart that now our once warm relationship–which the past several years has been reduced just to the annual Christmas Card–is probably dead in the water.  And I’m pissed, and I’m sad, and I’m glad I don’t have to deal with the little snit, and I even am probably feeling some sort of guilt in there somewhere–just because I’m a woman and a guilt magnet–and I hate it.  It feels good to vent here, where I know understanding will be found by those who read it.  I’m doing my best just to be non-chalant, forget it, blow it off, but for me, the queen of non-confrontation (which is why I love working for myself in a normally feel-good field of portrait photography) blowing off mean or hurtful words is a difficult thing to do.   I internalize a lot, especially hurt, (right now my stomach is hurting, kinda like a punch to the gut, and I feel tears just under the surface, like if you ran your fingernail lightly along my forearm, tears and feelings would come leaking out) and thats not good.  I had the hub just erase the emails, all of them, and I merely skimmed over the last one.  I’m not even going to reply.  This guy had the audacity to say I took “forever” to respond to the last one, all of a day or two!  Good hell, I was busy!  I have a life and it was the weekend!  Just wait…he doesn’t know what FOREVER is.  I just don’t want to obsess about it for days. 

So…blog friends, thank you.  Thank you for reading, and comismerating, for feeling the empathy that I know you do, and mostly just for letting me blog away about something that will soon be nothing.  I’m still sad, but I feel better just having vented…but still pissed and still smarting.  And I like my business, and my customers, and the fact that I can turn down a client if I just don’t feel good about a job.  I would have been highly stressed about it and likely taken advantage of, and that was a place I was not willing to go.  Not worth any amount of money!   So he can mega-byte me!  Hee hee.

Best of all, I’m blogging about my feelings, not covering them up with ice cream and cookies and brownie dough.  For me, that is true progress.  This introspection and self-analyzing and OWNING my feelings, even though they hurt–this is progress.  My earlier eat-fest today I can honestly say had nothing to do with this little cyber-fight with an ex-friend…so that’s progress.  (That was about feeling sick and just wanting comfort, not that I found it though.)   And it’s bedtime, and tomorrow I get to do a fun photo shoot with a bunch of high school cheerleaders,  which believe it or not can be really fun…and life goes on!

People change.  He married my roommate, whom I loved to pieces, way back when.  He was a geek then, but a cool geek.  Apparently, somewhere along the way, egotism and arrogance (maybe with age and experience?) joined the geekiness, and not in a good way.  Sad.

I’m glad I know who my true friends are, and that I have friends–many in the same field as me who will totally agree with me on this little incident–and a hub and a family who love and support me, 100%, all the time.  Best of all two cute little faces to wake up to in the morning and enjoy…and who love me even when I look ugly or yell!

Bye.

I never liked breakfast.  Even as a kid, typical breakfast food just never was tempting to me…sausage, bacon, eggs, waffle, pancakes…ick. I don’t hate them, I just never have gone out of my way to eat them.  HOWEVER, as I fixed my nice big bowl of maple and brown sugar flavored weight control oatmeal this morning, I realized just how much my habits have changed.  It’s only been a month and a few days, but I am now actually HUNGRY when I get up in the AM.  I actually look forward to some yummy, fiber rich, low fat, tasty breakfast.  I never used to eat until around 10 am, then it was junk, junk, junk.  I am getting healthy here, folks!  woohoo!

A good day today, as far as food goes…Healthy Choice frozen entree for lunch, yummy Japanese Yakisoba Noodles for dinner (homemade, with Chicken Breast and lots of onions, carrots, snowpeas, peas, and absolutely no added fat).  Easy on the snacks (veggies and fruit)

Last night, too, was an AMAZING dinner…homemade shrimp fajitas.  The hub loved it too!   Will share recipie:

Shrimp Fajitas (Works with chicken or beef too)

1/2 onion, sliced thin

1 tsp olive oil 

1-2 tb. ground Cumin

1 tsp. paprika

1 Tb. lime juice

salt to taste

Sliced red and green bell peppers

20 large frozen cooked  Shrimp

Fresh cilantro leaves, chopped

Tortillia, your  choice (I like white corn, hub chose multi-grain for his)

Thaw cooked shrimp according to package directions.  While thawing, heat oil in pan, add onion and stir to coat.  Add cumin, salt to taste, and enough water to cover and “stir fry” onion in oil/water combo until tenderized…adding more water if needed to avoid scorching.  (Keep an eye on it) When onion is cooked to desired tenderness, add paprika, lime juice, and peppers.  Cook a couple minutes until peppers begin to tenderize. 

Coat shrimp with a little more cumin, salt, and pepper.

Add shrimp to pan and stir just until heated thru. (Don’t overcook shrimp)

Sprinkle with fresh cilantro, and serve on warmed tortillias.  Yum!

I feel so good when I can serve up a yummy dinner that everyone loves, but that is healthy.  It’s FEEL-GOOD FOOD, because I literally feel good after eating it!  I no longer get that sickish, stuffed, icky feeling I used to get…like after I’d polish off a bowl of cookie dough.  I used to make cookie dough, just to eat it.  Wow, I’ve come a long way.

And I’m so glad my kids are seeing their parents eat healthy foods, but NOT OBSESSING over what they eat…I can’t obsess, or I’ll lose it, I swear.

OK…enough.  Today’s a bit of a down day…low energy, tired, kinda not feeling good, bit of a cold, yelled at my kids…an ick day.  No, it’s not PMS, I just don’t feel great.  But….I’m not eating for comfort. And that’s cool.

Yay!  I made it over the slump…the motivation is BACK.  And thanks to all of you who wrote such inspiring comments and helped me through my wahh-wahh time.

I figured I might as well get it over with, did a weigh in, and……DRUMROLL PLEASE…..201!!!!  Yippeeeee!  The last weigh in (a few weeks ago) I was at 205, 207 the week before that, 211, and began at 216.  I like the direction that scale is taking.  Next weigh in, I just might be in the one-hundreds.  THAT will be cool.

I know now that I CAN do this. This is working.  Just trying, each day, to make good choice after good choice, and if I do make a not so great choice now and then ENJOY what I eat, withough any guilt, and then keep on making good choices.

It’s so simple!  It’s not easy, but it is simple.  I was thinking today while driving that I really used to put a lot of garbage into my body.  It tasted great, sure, and I definately enjoyed it, but…ick!  We’ve really gotten away from basics as a culture…just good old meat and ‘tatos meals, and hard physical work.  My daddy was a farmer & rancher, he was wonderful (as was my mom too) and they both worked hard, and we ate the basics and pinched pennies.  Garden raised veggies (year round because my mama canned and froze them) and farm raised beef (Dad was a cattle rancher).  Probably more red meat than was healthy, but both of them (and my brother and I too) were slim.  Exercise was not sought after, it was just a part of our lives without trying.  Ever go irrigate fields by hand?  You walk miles packing a heavy shovel, turning over dirt and mud as you go!  I had to do it ONE DAY for my Dad when he had hurt his back…and it wore me out!  And I was about 16 at the time!  He did it daily all summer, every summer.  Then chasing cows on horseback, and out doing chores all winter…a simple, wonderful way of life and a great way to grow up.

Now food is so easy to prepare or even just buy, and the easier it is to get (sometimes, not all foods) the worse it is for us!  And the better sometimes it seems to taste!  Or at least thats how it’s marketed.  I love jalepeno poppers at Arbys…the crispy crunchy deepfried shell cracks open, and you get this creamy chees and spicy pepper combo, dipped in that amazing sauce…yum.  I used to eat those almost every day!!!  And they’re good, no denying that!   Is there any wonder that a plate of broiled chicken breast with a side of steamed broccoli doesn’t seem as exciting as the crispy gooey fatty stuff?  And yet, give me that plate of chicken and broccoli, add some great seasonings, and I love that too.  I guess I just love food.  I love to eat!  And now, thanks to ww, I am learning that I AM IN CONTROL.  I eat when and what I want…but there is this new awareness and accountability that makes me believe I can reach my goal of a healthy weight, and stay there, lifelong. 

Hub and I were talking to a lady today about doing WW, and she asked if I am starving.  Ha!  Far from it!  For the first time in my life, I’m NOT starving and I AM losing weight!  Slowly.  I think in my last blog I was losing patience.  I’m used to losing weight quickly, getting down into the next size smaller in a week, and then gaining it back with interest.  I’m finding it difficult, despite the shrinking numbers on the scale, to be patient and wait for the weight  to come off.  Yet part of me is glad it’s going slow, because I know this time it’s real and lasting.  Kinda like love and relationships!  Hee hee…when they start off hot and heavy and passionate, they burn out quickly.  But when they start off slow, and things build gradually that ’s when they last.  Hmm, interesting!  That thought just came to me as I was typing! 

Off to tomorrow.  Should be a bit of a challenge, hub (who is doing great again btw,) and I are showing our photography at a bridal fair, and there are always tasty tidbits and morsels from the catering companies for potential brides…and they share with all us vendors.  So, flex points be ready!  I was there today, and there were these chocolate and caremel covered pretzels…I had one.  ONE.  Not six! Go me.  In the booth hub and I are doing, instead of the usual chocolate we set on the table (way to tempting, I’d eat dozens) this year I made labels for little 10 oz water bottles with photos on them and our logo and phone numbers.  A total hit!  People are loving the idea, and we’re even going to offer them to brides at their weddings, to give out to guests (with their engagement photo and name on them.)  Fun, and healthy too.  Beat that.

Life is good!  My almost 2 year old is peeing in the potty and wants to sit on it all day long (we keep it in the family room so she can, and she gets mad when we take her off it to dress her to go shopping or church or somewhere) so cute.  I love being a mom, and I’m excited to get more healthy so I can run around and have fun with my kids. 

AND I WANT SPRING TO GET HERE.  SICK OF SNOW.  It’s pretty, from a window!  I want to go out and play in the sun.

Well…later! 

Bleahhh.  Thats how I feel.  All the enthusiasm for counting points and trying new, lower fat versions of favorites has just (hopefully temporarily) evaporated.  I hate it!!  I need to get my head on straight.  I need to be accountable for what I eat…and admit to myself that I AM IN CONTROL…that what I do COUNTS,  either negatively or positively.  It’s like a bank…save a few bucks, and the balance goes in my favor.  Spend a few bucks, and the numbers go the way I don’t want them to.  Same thing!  I need to view every calorie as either “spendable” or “saveable”

Is anyone else out there in denial?  That if you don’t really admit you’re eating, then somehow it won’t count?  Or if you eat it reeaallyyy sllloowwwlyy and saaavvvorrr every bite, that somehow, the calories won’t add up?

 Arrrggh!  I really haven’t done terribly…it could be much worse, but I find myself slipping back into old habits.  Eating dinner to “taste it” before eating dinner with the family. ..yeah, enough that I could call it 2 meals worth. Not bad food (homemade lentil soup, tasty, healthy, but just too much of it)  Today, too…I caught myself at one point wanting to eat, and then said “Why?  I’m not hungry.”  Still a battle, however.  But that one, I won.

I have not weighed in since returning from Vegas.  I’m a big frickin-chicken.  Scared of a wee wittle (Ok, not so wee, perhaps) number on an innocent scale.  A scale I might want to pick up and toss thru the window if it crosses me.   Evil, bad scale!  Rotten, smelly number!  Seriously, I’m scared that, with this current state of mind, pounds not lost, or sadly, possibly, pounds gained, just might be enough to throw what little motivation I have left completely off.

I don’t want that to happen.  I logged on and read some of your latest posts, and it was like you’ve been inspired to write  just for me. 

I WILL DO THIS.  Let it be noted, I am accountable, if I quit blogging, find me and twist my arm and make me start again.  I just have to make the next choice a good one. Forget the last one, don’t worry about the future ones, just the very next one is the only one I need to be concerned with at the moment.

Right now, I’m hungry.  Which really makes no sense.  So I will choose to ignore it, and go to bed.  Or maybe have a glass of skim milk and a Fiber One bar.  That sounds good.  I don’t know if I have points left, BECAUSE I HAVE NOT BEEN COUNTING THEM.  POOOP!  Along with not drinking enough water.  DOUBLE POOP!

THE PLAN DOES NOT REQUIRE PERFECTION…IT REQUIRES PERSISTENCE.

THE PLAN DOES NOT REQUIRE PERFECTION…IT REQUIRES PERSISTENCE.

THE PLAN DOES NOT REQUIRE PERFECTION…IT REQUIRES PERSISTENCE.  I need to write this about 1000 more times.  All over my walls, all over my brain too. 

Ok, I am a stubborn wench about every other area of my life, I can be stubborn and persist here too…even when I don’t feel like it.

Good thing I don’t live close to McDonalds!

Back from Vegas, and a fantastic 3 day seminar…motiviating and fun for our business.  And…I didn’t lose it at any buffet!!  First night, we hit a seafood buffet at The Stratosphere…I ate crab(my absolute fave) salmon, and the best veggies.  Yes, I had desert, but only one!  (A very small, skinny piece of cheescake, delectable, and worth the points.)  Next two days for lunch, we found a tasty little place in the food court next to where our seminar was…Chipotle Grill.  Both days, instead of a big cheesy burrito, I had salad with chipotle chicken, and the yummiest corn salsa.  Dinners…one night was grilled shrimp skewers, and (oops) a bowl of creamy clam chowder, probably all my flex points in one bowl! Oh well.  The other night, at hub’s and my friend’s request, we went to In and Out Burger.  (We used to live in Vegas, and fell in love with their burgers!)  Well, if you know about them, you know they have three things on their menu…burgers, fries, and shakes.  So…not a lot of choice there.  I did ok though, I ate just a single patty hamburger, a handfull of my fries, and about 1/4 of my shake.  It was interesting…I didn’t really want to eat there…but was outvoted.  A place I used to love, and while it filled me up, it really didn’t “satisfy” me…I am actually starting to enjoy eating healthfully.   The next day for lunch, we went to Outback, and I ordered a side salad and an appetizer.  (Wow!  I’m in control here)  The last night we went to an amazing place in the Bellagio, with friends we’d met during the classes, and had a great time.  Hub and I alone spent over $100 on one meal…but it was worth it.  YUM.  I shared an appetizer with hub, which was these teeny tiny lobster and crab tacos (SOOOOO good).   For dinner I ordered scallops…also tasty. And lobster mashed potatoes!  Good stuff, way over points, but on the bright side, we did skip desert!  So all in all it was not a royal eat-fest as I feared it might become.  I have become lax about counting points, however, so tomorrow must start fresh.

Tonight my little toddler daughter found one of my bras (she calls it a bee-boo…it goes on my boo-bees) and put it on an was toddling around in it.  I’m so glad I’m doing this ww thing…my greatest desire is for my kids to be happy with who they are as people, and developing good, healthy habits and attitudes is such a part of that. 

I am concerned about hub…he kinda dropped the ball in Vegas, and went back to old habits.  The huge burritos for lunch, too much at the buffets…I don’t want to nag, or seem self righteous (I’m not, at all) I just want to help him along.  Any suggestions on how to encourage him without coming across as preachy?  I know I’d want him to steer me back in the right direction if I were wandering…

MUST COUNT POINTS.  Gotta get those points back on track…and start the “bite and write” ritual again.  I’ve been slacking, thats why I’m blogging now…to get remotivated.

Today I didn’t eat a thing until 11:30…bad, I know.  I’ve been a habitual breakfast skipper in the past, and look where it got me.  Tomorrow, oatmeal, baby!

Bye for now!

Off to the land of buffets and eating out.  Hub and I are leaving the kids for 3 days, and hitting a 3 day seminar, along with a good friend of ours, in Las Vegas.  I want to do well.  Planning on toting snacks (Fiber One bars, 2 points and worth it) and carrots and snow peas in for snacks, salads for lunch, microwave oatmeal for breakfast but dinner….eeegghggh….we’ll be doin buffets or fab restarants.  It’s Vegas for cryin out loud!  I’ll blog results when I get home, good or bad. 

 I do like blogging, I think it’s the first and only time I’ve ever been truly honest, truly real with this whole weight, food, and body image deal.  And I’m SO GRATEFUL for all the friendship and support I feel…it really keeps me going!

Hub was gone all week visiting his ailing mom in another state, so I basically ran the business, ran the household, visited with my best bud who is here to travel with us, and in between tried to eat OK…I got a little too busy, and have not obeyed my own “bite it then write it” rule…bad at keeping track.  I know I’ve been a little off, and over points (did ok except for excellent salsa with chips, my friend’s suggestion…ohhh, I’m weak with salsa and chips) both last night and tonight while watching Miss America, (LOVED the tweaks the’ve done to update the pageant, it was fun to watch) but…..I plan not to totally blow it in Vegas.

What’s wonderful to me, is I’m AUTOMATICALLY now thinking before I eat. If I really really really want it, I eat it…but the mindless munch-fests of the past are not so prevalent now.  And at the store I look at certain foods I just would have grabbed before, and pass by them…not denying, just thinking “nah…don’t really need that right now.”  Wow!  Is this ME?  Knowing I would blog about downing an entire box of cupcakes makes me stop.

I am planning on a Valentine’s day indulgence.  ONE Russel Stover Strawberry Cream filled chocolate heart.  Just one.  Instead of 10 like I’d buy before. 

Fiber One bars are wonderful too…all the fiber Im getting is filling me up…I literally don’t really feel hungry anymore, and with this slow weight loss, it’s coming off the belly…where I need it to come off.  Not a huge difference, but enough that I know this is working.

SO, back to Vegas.  My game plan is to snack healthfully all day long, take it easy on breakfast and lunch, and enjoy my dinners,  no guilt.  I can walk or exercise in the hotel at night or in the morning, we’ll be waliking alot anyway, and if all I do is maintain and not gain, I’ll feel good upon my return.  So, wish me luck…that I may “LOSE BIG IN VEGAS” ha ha. 

See ya!

Blog, don’t eat.  It works.  I was just sitting on the couch, thinking about eating a Fiber One bar (those peanut butter and oat bars are amazingly good)…I’m not hungry, not at all, but I wanted one anyway.  Got up, headed for the kitchen and walked over to the computer instead, and here I am.  Yay!  Just one more teeny tiny good decision that will get me to my goal.  The other thought that saves me is that I can have one tomorrow.  They’re not “off limits”…I just don’t need to eat one right now.  I’m right on my points balance, and with no exercise today I don’t need the extra cals.  I like what I’m developing.

 I saw an aquaintence at work today, she stopped in, and somehow we got talking about weight loss in general.  I’ve only known her as a trim person, so I was surprised when she told me that 2 years ago she hit her goal of losing 75 pounds!  She’s kept it off for 2 years.  I asked her how she did it, and she replied “lifestyle change”.  It WORKS, people.  It’s doable.  Her goal was a year, she did it in 8 months.  That gives me so much hope and motivation.

I’m so proud of my hub, too.  He’s sticking right along with me, tracking his points in his manly black leather Franklin Day Planner.  People are noticing his weight loss already…his face, neck, and chin are much slimmer (and sexier! ;)  It’s fun to do this together.  He left me for a week, he’s visiting his mom in CA, she’s not doing too well, so I said “go!”  He flew out today, with a couple layovers.  He called me from the Pheonix Airport, he was so proud to report than in an Airport Deli filled with sandwiches (he is the KING of Sandwich) he had a salad with grilled chicken.  Go hub!

I can’t wait until summer.  I’ll actually be able to buy a cute swimsuit!   I love snow until Christmas or New Years, then I start to get cabin fever.  I don’t like winter outdoor activities–I hate being cold–so I’m just stuck here.  Me, the treadmill, and my old reebok step.  But hey, at least my treadmill is not a laundry hanger or kid’s car racing ramp anymore, at least not exclusively! hee hee hee.  I just look forward to the day I can pull my bike out or go walk to the bridge (a mile, round trip) with my son again…springtime, hurry!!! 

I watched The Biggest Loser tonight.  I hated what they pulled…pitting one team against all the others, then making them eliminate one.   The eliminated team did not deserve to go.   Oh well…that’s reality TV for you. 

It’s time to hit the hay.  Back at it tomorrow again!  Oh, forgot!  Ok on food today…dinner was McDonalds, happy meals with apples and milk for the kids, Asian Salad for me…and oops, a McRib sandwich.  DUMB.  But I kept in points…just no big snacks today, thank goodness.  I love anything BBQ’d, and I swear the greasier the better. 

Tomorrow is another day. Rock on!

I was bored one day, so goofed around online instead of eating.  I read online an idea for a homemade facial scrub.  Mix olive oil and sugar into a paste, add a teensy bit of water, and rub it into the skin on your face and neck.  I tried it, and it made my skin so soft and glowy and moisturized for days!  If you try anything like this, check info out online first of course, and be aware of your own skin type.  Mine is dry and sensitive.   I also read some olive oils can stain, so be careful!  Do your research.  Just an idea of something to try when you want to eat all the time, which for me, is …well, all the time.  Ciao!

I did it!  A few days ago, I had a perfect day.  Just one, but I did it.  30 min cardio, perfect points, perfect balace of protien, fiber, veggies, dairy, and allllll my water!  Thanks for the tip on the water issue, degirl.  I’m using your suggestions.

This morning I woke, and the clock said 7:09.  I heard hub in the shower, and saw my son had come into our room sometime in the night and was asleep next to me and I went “Crap!  It’s after 7!”  (School days he gets up at 6:30.)  I jumped up…woke up my sleepy son, made him get up,  my daughter wakes up with all the commotion…then I realize “you moron…it’s sunday!  Church is not til 11:00!”  Even worse, my son had been up late watching a movie the night before!  So I totally ruined his much-needed slumber.  He would have slept til 9!  And I could have too…since hub was up, he could’ve taken our daughter out of her crib.  I am officially a mom now, I think!  What a goober.

I haven’t posted for several days, but have made some good strides, and a few not so good strides.  First the good…

Friday night I survived a Chinese Food Buffet.  There is the best place in our town, excellent Chinese food, and plenty of it.  My hub, kids, and I went on Friday.    Before, I’d eat about 3 plate full of chinese dishes, plus a bowl of hot and sour soup, and 2 or 3 of these yummy sugar coated deep fried donuty things for dessert…all for one low buffet price.   (Anyone else feel like at a buffet where you pay for all you can eat, that you have to stuff yourself to get your money’s worth?)   WELL…this time, I did good!    I am a second’s helping gal.  Always have been. Always will.  Especially at a buffet!  So…I have a new little mental trick.  My first plate was broccoli from the beef and broccoli, mushrooms from my favorite pork dish, and a just right size portion of  the BEST steamed salmon in the world.  HALF a plate, total.  Enjoyed it…and went back for “2nds” of a few other buffet treats…which really, due to the portion sizes, wasn’t seconds at all…just the second half of what would have been on my first plate.  Skipped the soup.  Skipped the desert.  Took a third plate with just 2 teeny  sauteed shrimp.  Blotted as much oil off the veggies and meat as I could…indulged in ONE fried potsticker, and ONE SMALL taste of deep fried sesame chicken…and stopped.  Visted with my kids and hub.  Drank my water and asked for more.  Enjoyed eating out, instead of pigging out.  It was truly a triumph leaving a buffet not feeling like I should go to the hospital and have my stomach pumped!  I left satisfied!  I’m sure it was over points, but who cares?  I did fine.  Plus there are those “cheat points” that I don’t really use…I used em.  That is the world we live in…sometimes we have to choose the best option among not-so-perfect options.

The night before that, my little son (age 6)  and baby girl (almost 2) got to go with our kids’ church group and sing to the elderly residents at an elder care center.  I went and watched, (so sweet and cute!) and afterward, the leader invited all the kids and parents to stop by her car in the parking lot.  Bless her heart, she passed out little individual packs of cookies.  My son had some, my daughter had some, and I had one little cookie of my daughter’s (they were the packages of  penny-sized fudge stripe cookies), just so I didn’t feel deprived.  Wow!  Is this me?  Am I finding some sort of control?  I think so!  Make it last! 

Saturday I did 30 minutes of cardio, plus cleaned the house and actively played with my kids all morning…after a great weigh in and 2 POUNDS GONE, BABY!  BYE BYE, DON’T EVER COME BACK!  Then went to my studio and spent a couple hours painting the second half of the white backdrop.  Took about 3o-40 minutes per coat, 3 coats…all done by me,while  hub was watching the kids.  (Couldn’t involve them in the painting, we’d have a bit of a mess!)  And my heart was pumpin’ because I painted fast and furious each coat!  I was tired when the day was over, but it was fun to get that much movement.

Today….Sunday, not as great.  Church stretches from 11 to 2 for me, and I get home starving, even with a good breakfast, and snack before.  I  need to throw a snack for me in the kids’ church bag, I will think about that for next week.  Hub stayed home with our boy who had the sniffles, and I got home expecting lunch to be waiting.  Why, I don’t know!  No lunch.  So I stomped about, and made some quick homemade chilli with frozen browned beef, (I’d do turkey but we have a side of beef in our freezer, need to use it!) beans, tomatoes, seasonings, it was good and I had 2 huge bowls.  Then my son wanted pudding.  We made instant chocolate pudding with skim milk.

YUMMY DESERT IDEA: “MEXICAN” CHOCOLATE PUDDING  Instant chocolate pudding mad with skim milk, top it with 2 Tb. fat free cool whip and sprinkle the whole thing with cinnamon.  YUMMY!  I plan to try it warm next time, using cook and serve pudding mix instead…tasty.

Then we watched a movie together, and of course had our nightly pop corn and m-n-m’s. 

YUMMY SNACK IDEA: I did try a new flavor with popcorn tonight too…sprinkled hot popcorn with salt, paprika, and chilli powder.  it was good!  (Kept it separate from the popcorn with the m-n-m’s in it of course)

Then about 10 pm, I realized I didn’t eat dinner.  Felt compelled by the clock to eat.  I ate a healthy choice frozen meal…not entirely bad, but not needed either.  I really wasn’t hungry.  (So why did I eat it?  Ask the little voices in my head that tell me I can’t do this and that I should just give up.  SHUT UP!  Ok, nailed em. )   Then add to that a Fiber One peanut butter and oats bar, and all I could think about that was how good it would taste cut into squares and dipped in chocolate! I may try that next Christmas!)

Have you tried the Fiber One bars?  Holy Healthy Delicious snack, batman!  Full of fiber, 9 grams, and around 140 calories…they are a satisifying and delicious treat.  Try them!  Not for every single day,  but if you want a good treat you can feel good about, they are amazing.  Yummy flavors too.

Any way…not such a great day, but not a complete disaster either. 

The end of the week and next week will prove challenging.  My hub is going to the west coast to visit his ailing mom this week, (she’s 87, and my heart is breaking because I may never see her again in this life.  I love her to pieces, I wish I could go too, but family, school, and work all loom large) so I’ll be single-mom’in it all week, and my best friend (and fellow eating addict) from another state is coming into town, she is also a photographer, and coming in to work with me for a few days before we head off to Vegas (along with the hub) next Sunday for 3 days for a photography seminar.  Eek!  Vegas.  Dinners out, and buffets galore.  Sitting thru meetings all day (albeit they’ll be FUN) I’m Glad I have my mental trick to fool myself into thinking I get 2nd’s.  Pray for me to stay on track and face down tempations and my own weaknesses!  Unfortunately, what happens in Vegas will NOT stay in Vegas if I eat it!!!  It will come home in my jeans!!!   Hehehe

I’m tired.  I’m glad tomorrow is a “sleep in day”…Martin Luther King day.  Not a full day off, have one photo shoot scheduled (local wrestling team, 40 high school wrestlers) but that’s all.  And no school for my son so hopefully my almost 2 sweetie pie will not wake at the crack of dawn…and hope I don’t geek out and freak out thinking it’s a school morning like I did today.  Idiot!   One can hope!

Finished the new white background fr the photo studio, have shot on it a few times and it is beyond expectations!!  Our old white backdrop was cloth, and I was forever photoshopping out wrinkes.  The new one is made from linoleum flooring, the smooth back of it, painted white and hung up.  Perfectly flat and white and beautiful!  Sorry to ramble on about work, but portrait photography is my passion and how we earn our living and hub and I have so much fun.  I love what I get to do for work!!!  Plus it’s so flexible,  I can be with my kids  alot too.

I’m off to bed, and a great day tomorrow.  Bye Blogger Buds!

Almost perfect!  I am at my exact points for today, lots of veggies too…and no chocolate!  (Having it gone from the house is wonderful!) Except for one, ok four, m-n-m’s.  Only four!  Less than half a point.   M-n-M’s are not a big tempation to me, so I can deal with them in the house.  My son likes them. 

Today had potential to be my ever elusive “perfect” day…because the points or the water are usually where I mess up.    My ‘perfect’ day is right on the points or under, cardio, all my water, and all my veggies.  The milk issue is no prob, ’cause I love milk and dairy products…and fiber is OK cause we’re doing all whole grain good stuff.

Yummy easy fast snack that gets dairy in:  Slice up cucumbers, top with a teaspoon of cottage cheese, and top with lemon pepper.  Tasty! 

I am enjoying coming up with new and yummy food options, that are still healthy!  Hub and I both commented tonight that we don’t feel deprived at all.   The meals we’re doing are not much different at all from what we ate before, it’s all in the portion control for us.   I will forever struggle with the urge to munch mindlessly, but  I’m finding that when I want to eat, if  I ask myself if I’m really hungry, I’m not.  I don’t need to eat at the moment.  I just want to sometimes…and so I can make the choice to not.  Sometimes I make the better choice…and it’s starting to happen more often.

Another tasty treat and veggie serving:  Top roma tomato slices with slices of a  wedge of laughing cow lite cheese (slice the cheese up to make it go father),  sprinkle with basil and freshground black pepper, bake for a few minutes to “roast” tomatoes and melt the cheese. To borrow Rachel Ray’s favorite term: YUM-O!

I did not have time to exercise today…hub and I painted a 12×20 foot background we’re building for our photo studio, and that took most of the day, and even though I was moving, I don’t feel like it was enough of a workout to count.

WATER!  I didn’t get my right amount of water again.  I swear I’m a camel.  I’m just rarely thirsty!  Even when I sweat!  I forget to drink it.  Any tips on how to get better at this? 

Tonight I talked to a friend who’s in a work related “biggest loser” contest.  Now to preface this, she’s really not overweight, she looks great and is toned and athletic.   She’s on a rampage!  She wants to win the contest, and to do that  she wants to drop 36 pounds in 12 weeks…and is eating 11 points a day.  I think shes nuts!  I’d be starving on that amount!  Crazy woman.

This post is really really random.  Probably because I’m tired, and sleepy.  I’m going to bed earlier, because that puts the devil in the fridge out of biz!  He can’t as easily tempt me to mindlessly munch if I’m alseep.  So, I’ll watch the first 5 minutes of the 10 o’clock news, (all the juicy stories) then crash.

Nigh-night!