What the  *$&%?  I get on the scale and it’s 202?  Hello?  I was 199 awhile back. CRAP!  Thats what I have to say about that.  I’ve not been perfect, I’ve been distracted and busy, I’ve been out to eat and also been to meetings with refreshments (5 sugar cookies with frosting one night) and to a couple “special” dinners…OK, thats not so good, but I really don’t think I should have gained three pounds.

I was PISSED when I got on the scale and saw that number.  BUT…I immediately put on my coat and warm clothes and walking shoes and walked HARD and FAST for 30 minutes, outside, in the cold.  Did resistance when I got back to the house.  Next morning (Sun) daylight savings kicked in, and I got up at 6 am (5 am to my body and I’m not a morning girl) and did 30 minutes hard on the treadmill, followed by lunges squats bicep curls all that good stuff.  I was tired but it felt good.  Today, really tried to stay OP…tomorrow, scary, lunch meeting where I know we’re having pizza (think I’ll follow Roni’s advice to be prepared and take a veggie tray to add to the offerings)  and tomorrow night we’re having family over for my daughters 2 year birthday (on Thursday) since they can’t make it to the official party on Thursday.  I’ve got a nutso day tomorrow, lots of photo shoots at the studio, the lunch meeting, then dinner with the family…and I have to have some sort of “cake” so I got cupcakes.  6 little wal mart cupcakes.  My kids will love them, I’ll have one, and be done with it.  No more “extra cake” around the house for days.  Thursday I think I’ll do the same thing.  And tomorrow night for dinner, since theres no time to cook, I’m going to crock-pot it with my Italian Soup (see recipie a few blogs ago…amazing!)  I hope I can get a workout in tomorrow, but unless I’m up at 6 am, I won’t.  Ok…6 am here I come!  I’ll say on here I’m going to do it…and tomorrow (or soon) I’ll blog whether I did it or not.

I SOOOOO want to lose weight!  I feel frustrated, like I’ve hit a wall, but actually thats not true…I just think I’ve eaten too much recently.  Today I’ve done great.  I’m back in “weight loss” mode and mindset…not denial.  A calorie is a calorie. Those little guys add up if you let ‘em.

Hub and I are approved for our garage loan…exciting!  And we’re going to redo the backyard and add a spa (hot tub) also!  We’ve picked out the one we want…it’s a chunk of change, but we love hot tubbin….two or three times in our married life (12 years) we’ve lived in places that had hot tubs, and we were in them every night we could be.  So I think we’ll love having one…and I’m stoked to turn our backyard (driveway and a little grass at the moment…snow gone, yay!) into a fully fenced yard with all grass other than where the spa will sit…and maybe a patio too…and some patio furniture, so we can BBP outside.  I’m so ready for summer, and I’m craving grilled fresh pineapple!  I love to grill outdoors…cant wait.

I am a bit nervous about the kids around the hottub, but we’re getting a cover that locks, so that eases my mind a bit.  Still have to be vigilant however.

Anyhoo…

I think I need to work harder at this weight loss thing.  The work outs yesterday and Saturday were great…and I’m giving up my nightly popcorn and mnm’s…I’m eating fresh grapefruit instead.  (which I LOVE)  I’m proud of me for not giving up.  Hub is doing well too…down 20+ pounds, and starting an exercise program this week.  I look forward to the day when we are both HOT for each other just based on looks again!  Is that bad?  If it is, so be it!  I wanna rock his world, baby!

Bye bye.

Will it ever go away?  This desire to just EAT?  Not ’cause I’m hungry, just because I want to eat.  Today’s been decent, made amazing stuffed bell peppers (my whole family LOVES them) and ate one for lunch, one for dinner…not bad, I’m on points…but now, late at night I want to go in open the fridge and just snarf whatever I can find.  I’m not even hungry!  I just love food…too much.

I guess it will be  a life long battle.  Not a battle really, just a life long committment…do I want to be heavy and uncomfortable and unhealthy while indulging this urge to eat?  Or do I want to feel good inside and out, wear cute clothes, feel comfortable in my own skin, and be able to keep up with my kids…while exercising a little self control?   Now that I see it in print on my computer screen, I like the self control option.

I’ve been better at tracking and writing down my eating today, and over the weekend.  Yay.  I just want to feel my jeans getting looser.  I want to feel that “I’m in control” feeling.  And…since now I’m questioning when I want to eat, instead of just doing it, that’s a positive.

One good thing…a few days ago, I was on the phone with my hub, and absentmindedly opened my “baking” cupboard, put some chocolate chips in a bowl, melted them in the microwave, took a bite…and asked myself, “What are you doing?”  I stuck the bowl in the sink without so much as a second lick.  It didn’t even taste good anyway!  What was that?  Literally my brain was not aware of what my hands were doing.  It was wierd. And I stopped.  Go me!

Tomorrow, looking forward to working out with my bands again…weekends are hard because we’re just busy all the time and I don’t get my workouts in.  Tomorrow, and this week, all week, for sure.

Hub and I will be adding a garage to our property this spring, and I cant wait!  We need it, we need a route into our house that does not involve everyone (guests included) tromping thru my laundry room and kitchen (which is never clean)  We need a “stop and dump” place for books, coats, keys, work stuff…that is NOT my kitchen counter or table…so we’re adding a garage and a door that will open directly into our home office, and which will also re route guest to the FRONT door, which, at this point, for whatever reason, no one enters!  The one room (living room) which is usually clean.  Yay!  I’m excited…we’re also going to landscape the yard, add a fence, and are even thinking of adding a hot tub (which I love, when we lived in apartments years ago we were in it every single night summer or winter) and an above ground pool and deck.  Fun!   We’ll see…it’s an investment, but we all love to dunk in pools…it could happen.  So…I have to look good in a swimsuit by this summer for all the BBQ’s we’ll be hosting in our new backyard!  I CANNOT wait for spring.

Snow is melting finally, but now its windy and chilly…spring, hurry!

Ok, I’m tired and I’m off to hit the pillow. Good night!