Maintaining is not going well for me.  I have completed a full WW week without a blow-out splurg in about 6 weeks.  Mainly I eat cookies at work and ruin my hard work all day.  I do understand that I am eating them because my work at the shelter has been really intense lately - however, the knowledge is not really helping.

Today the scale read 150.  I really can’t believe it. I am officially gaining lots of weight. I am sad. I guess I will regroup and get back to it.

  Today it has been one year since I started the weight watchers program to lose weight.  I started at 191 and this morning I weighed 145.5.  At my lowest I was 136.  My body shape has completely changed and I am currently about the same size as I was when I got married 15 years ago!

I have struggled with such a drastic body image change and finally feel comfortable in this new, non-invisible place.  It has changed my relationships and I have seen 5 people who are close to me  start using the points program in 2008.  This is suprising to me because I hardly even mention weight loss in conversation (shy away from it actually) - and really only talk about WW when asked directly.

I just got back from 7 days of camping with my 3 kids and dog for Spring Break.  We visited New Mexico and stayed in Arizona.  It was a great adventure and re-connect with the kids — but I seriously thought I had gained 10 pounds!  Fortunately,  I am only at 145.5.  Hooray!

Maitenance is turning out to be as much a challenge as the weight loss.  My goal this year is to get back into the 130’s and stay there. 

Anyway, it has been a life-changing year. Thank you to all of you who have been supportive.

OK - the good news is that I am down a pound from last week.  Most of my holdiday weight gain is off. (I love youFLEX POINTS.)

The bad news is that I continue to struggle with the phatom fat phenonmenon.  Yesterday I was looking for pants - because I only have 3 pair that are suitable for work and I have to work 4 days a week.  So, I took my gift card and went to Kohl’s.  After scouring the sales racks - I tried on an arm load of size 10 pants - mainly because the size 8’s looked way too small.  Turns out - the 10’s were too big and I wasted all that time!  The three pair that fit me now are all size 8 = and still - I just couldn’t seem to pull a size 8 off the rack - look at it - and say - “Yes, that looks right, I’ll try it on.”  What is wrong with me??

Here’s my food log.  I went to the Asian market in Denver on Saturday and had fun with the veggies yesterday:

Happily, I just finished my first “on-point” week in about a month, maybe longer.  Last week I was at 140.5 and today I am at 138.5.  My goal weight is/was 135 - but at 140 I don’t look as ‘deflated’ - however, I don’t want to creep up to 145 - so I have decided that a few pounds either side of 135 is my comfort zone. 

I guess I am officially trying to maintain now.  I like being at size 8-10 (never really thought I would fit into this size - because I had never before.) I still struggle with binge eating - especially at work - but I keep working at it. I still get comments on how much weight I lost (I was 191 last March) - but that is tapering down a little.  The caddy - girl comments are down, too - although it has adversely impacted some of my relationships. 

Lastly, I think I am going to change the name of my blog to reflect the long-term, maintainence journey. Not sure what yet…. 

10 New Body Realities  - For Better and Worse:

1. Pants often sags off by backside
2. I get cold
3. Clothes off the rack actually fit
4. I have lots of extra skin
5. My stomache hurts when I eat too much
6. I am not invisible to passer-bys
7. I have become the diet go-to-girl, friends often feel compelled to apologize for their weight loss failures, and I am tired of sharing “my story”
8.  I am very worried I will gain it all back
9. I do not get as much joy from going out to eat or to dinner parties because I feel like I need to be vigilante - and at least, aware of what I consume.
10. I have a sense of personal strength that has come from changing my body shape in a very fundemental way. I am in charge of the direction of my life.

Hurray - down to 136 ~ which means only one pound to go!!  Saturday night my husband looked over at me and said joking, “I can’t believe you are turning into a trophy wife.”  Earlier that day a friend of mine commented that it was really hard to believe that I have struggled with being overweight all my life (which I have - and I’m not exactly sure what she was implying…)

Sunday Food Log:

Here’s the not-so-inspiring wrap up of my Nov. goals:

New December Goals:

1. 10 activity points per week - somehow.

2. Yoga sun salutations every day.

3. Lose the last pound to goal

4. No cookies Tues. Wed or Thurs.

5. one suana per week for mental heath

—> Well, those are almost like Goals -lite, but I am determined to take it easy on myself as holiday season swings into gear.  The holidays are notoriously stressful at homeless shelters, where I work, and I typically over-book my life. That combined with our current money-crunch spells possible over-eating trouble for me.

Well, no loss is no gain. Still at 137.5.  Holey Moley it is taking me forever to lose the last little bit to 135!!!  Good Grief already.

Of course the positive spin is that I made it through Thanksgiving unscathed.  But the real truth is that I managed to lose the two days worth of cookie binging prior to Thanksgiving Day before it showed up on my official weigh in. 

Tues. seems to be a bad cookie day for me - looking back over my food logs.  Probably because I am coming off three peaceful at home days- lots of excersize etc.  Then I am thrust back into the shelter drama - have to catch up on all the latest clients - and I go from 0 to 10 on the stress-o-meter in under an hour. (Don’t cry for me too hard - at some level, I like the drama - it is interesting and exciting.) The bottom line: today is Tuesday!

Here is my goal chart for November ~ I will definately be evaluating and tweaking it for December!

and lastly, yesterday’s food log:

Wish me luck today as I go off and do battle with the cookie visogoth!!!

This weekend I took my daughters (age 9 and 11) out for some Turkey Trot Training.  My goal is to develop a healthy Thanksgiving tradition to balance out all the food based stuff. 

So- the turkey trot out here is 4 miles - we are planning to walk.  I wasn’t sure that my oldest would be able to do 4 miles since she is a week post-appendectomy.  We trained on Saturday by doing a 2 mile walk around Sloans Lake.  They seemed to do fine - a little grumbling - but more joking around and giggling than anything.  Today we are scheduled to do 3 miles around a different lake to prepare.  My oldest was up throwing up last night –> so it is hard to tell if the trotter training plans for the day have been flushed. 

The other fly in the ointment is that the Turkey Trot is a fundraising event : $30 for adults and $20 for kids.  That is way too much money for me –> so I plan on going down to Mile High United Way and seeing if we can negotiate.  I can’t believe they would limit admission to well-to-do families?

Oh - almost forgot - down 2  pounds this week!  Which only leave .5 pounds from the hospital and 2 1/2 to goal!

Here is the sad update on my November goals:

Well huray for me - one down and only 2 more pounds until goal!! It’s hard to believe really. I considered going from 21 to 20 - but since I am still loosing (although slowly) at 21 I am going to stay.  I use my FP most days anyway - so I am a little confused at the value of dropping one — other than it causing me stress.

I’ve designed a new goal chart to help me through my November goals which are leaning more toward fitness these days. 

Today I am hoping to take a beautiful walk, clean the house and split my day lillies — but I will settle for a walk and a nap if it comes down to it.  Hope you all have a lovely Sunday.

So, I weighed in this morning and there was no change.  I’m sort of OK with that because I think it is the wrong time of the month.  Also, I got my LSAT scores and they really aren’t good enough for law school - and especially not for a scholarship.  Sooo…… I think I am going to the rec center, will put my son in the play place, and I’m going sit in the steam room until I figure out the new direction of my life…..

(picture is of Twin Lakes on the way to Independance Pass - the continental divide - near Aspen, Colorado. Doesn’t it look like Switzerland?)

I can hardly believe it — the scale benevolently read 139 this morning!!!  Imagine both of our surprise!  Hooray - that is three pounds this week!  I guess I have screamed right through my barrier and I am now 4 pounds from my goal weight!!   Thank you, thank you, thank you. (I’d like to thank weight watchers, cucmbers, hot tea, my new best friend: winter squash…)

I am guessing that I probably will need to lose a point, however, seeing how I have lost 7 pounds in the last two weeks, I am going to stay right here at 21.   On another note, my pants don’t fit again, but I will stick it out for a couple more weeks.