Bombshell in the Making

I’ve been putting off writing another post because it’s hard to explain my feelings about this process without sounding shallow.  But oh well, blogs are anonymous, right?

The short version is this:  I want to be hot!  (Yeah, forget about wanting to lose weight for health reasons.)  As I wrote before, I’ve never been thin.  I’ve also never been outgoing.  I’m the sweet girl who just quietly blends into the background.  I know I’m not butt-ugly, but my hair is just a little too blah and usually ends up in a ponytail; my skin isn’t the greatest (it’s awesome being 31 and worrying about wrinkles AND zits!) and makeup tends to fade an hour after I put it on.  I’m usually in jeans and whatever shirt I can find that doesn’t cling to my fat rolls.  I don’t bite my nails, but don’t really take care of them either.  Looking at me you wouldn’t think I’m super-feminine, but I am on the inside! 

 The extra weight is what I’ve always blamed for not having the confidence to put myself out there, to get all dressed up in cute clothes, to be a flirt.  Who wants to see a fat chick sashaying around like that?  I know that’s just an excuse because I have known plus-size women who take excellent care of themselves and exude confidence.  They are happy no matter what size they are, or at least seem to be.  I’ve never been able to get to that point.  I always figure that once I take care of the weight, THEN I can work on the other stuff.

 I know that’s a bunch of hooey and I should work on loving myself no matter what, but screw it, I only have 25 pounds to go.  So I’m trying to work on everything at once, so by the time I reach my goal weight, I will also have picked up some knowledge about fashion and beauty and confidence in myself as a woman.  I’m starting this last leg of my weight loss journey as a chubby (ooh, don’t you HATE that word?) girl sitting at home alone at her computer on a Friday night watching the Lifetime channel in the background.  To further paint the picture, I’m wearing generic tennis shoes, yellow and blue striped socks, faded old jeans, a stained sweatshirt, and my gray-speckled 2-tone (from an home dye job) hair is up in a bun.

 I want to emerge on the other end as a bona fide BOMBSHELL!  My birthday is in April and I would love to throw a party for myself and have that be my big makeover debut.  I just have to get through all this hard work in the meantime.  (Ew, hard work.)  Here’s to the journey!

Here is the boring background info post. . . so I’ve never been super-thin, but when I look at pictures of myself as a teenager, I can’t believe I thought I was fat.  I could’ve stood to lose a little baby fat, but I didn’t really pack on the pounds until after college and my early 20’s.  At my highest point I was 220, which didn’t look great on my 5′7″ frame!  I was able to lose a whopping 10 pounds for my best friend’s wedding in 2002, and it took me another whole year to make another serious attempt.  In 2003 I lost 30 pounds!  I made lots of easy changes (switching to diet drinks) and some not-so-easy ones (cutting down on junk food, exercising regularly for the first time ever).  It was the first time I actually figured out calories and nutrition and what I needed to do to lose weight and be healthy. 

Over the next couple years I took off another 10 pounds but felt like I had stalled out.  I joined Weight Watchers last February and lost almost 20 pounds!  At my lowest this past summer, I got down to 152.  I quit going to WW meetings because I figured “Why pay to go stand on a scale every week when I can follow the program at home?”  I forgot about the sheer power of the accoutnability factor.  For the rest of the year I kept gaining and losing the same 5 pounds over and over again, and after the holidays I topped out at 160.

So.  That brings me to today– I am DETERMINED to make my goal weight of 135 this year!  I’m hoping this blog, and the weightwatchen community, will bring back some of that accountability feeling.  I am back on track with WW.  Ha, the good thing about hitting 160 is that I get an extra point!  Hopefully after this week’s weigh-in I’ll be back in the 150’s, though.  I also need to start exercising.  I’m starting a walking program and we’ll see how that goes.  Exercise is my hugest downfall!  I’m trying to turn that around as well, though.

 So anyway, I know this post was boring, but now I’m done with the basic information and can be more fun next time!  I look forward to reading everyone else’s blogs too.  We can all do this!

The winds of change are blowing! 2008 is going to be my year to get gorgeous. I’ve got 25 pounds to lose and that will be my main focus here, but it’s not the only area I’m working on. I am tired of blending into the background. I want people to do a double take when I walk into a room! I think these last 25 pounds (I’m 60 down from my highest weight ever) will be the confidence boost I need to get going on a total makeover. I’m pretty excited! Bear with me while I figure out this blog thing; I’ll write more detailed posts soon.