Last night I was watching the Biggest Loser and there was a part of the show where Brittany kept failing to complete her workout. Jillian put the treadmill up to 14 mph and wanted Brittany to jog for 15 seconds at that speed. Brittany kept saying she couldn’t do it and would quit 2 seconds before the 15 seconds were up…she was so close and then would quit. Jillian asked her why she was afraid of success? And that is when I started crying.
I am afraid of success! I am afraid of losing weight! I don’t know why. Even as I write this I want to cry again. I have come so close to losing weight before, but never met my goal. I always give up.
I have tried for years to figure out emotionally why I overeat. I wasn’t abused, I have a great family, I am loved. But, this light bulb came on last night that I eat because I am afraid of what being thin represents. I don’t know why - yet! But I am going to figure this out.
I guess this is my first layer of the onion.
Because, I am going to go all the way and figuring this out is going to help me stay at my goal once and for all.
2 comments
Comments feed for this article
February 27th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
jenis001
Interesting observation…good luck exploring this more. I think mine is equal parts afraid to fail and afraid to succeed. That is why I can always lose some weight but have never been able to go “all the way.” Jeni
February 27th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Kristi
That part of the episode definitely stuck out to me too. I have a theory though, especially for those of us who didn’t have something super traumatic happen to us growing up. I think it’s a fear of losing the weight because then, what’s next? I mean we are focusing ALL this energy into losing weight but then what happens when we actually do? What do we focus on then? I think it’s a vicious cycle. Not to say this is the way things are for you but that’s just my perspective. Either way, I hope you figure it out!