Uncovering the Truth

Since tomorrow is March and the beginning of the month, it is time for my monthly progress picture. Am I looking forward to it? I am not sure but it is something that I do regardless so that I can see what progress I have or have not made. The cold hard fact is that it has been nine weeks since I started this journey and I should be down between 9 to 18 lbs. I am nowhere near that goal. So what is my excuse?

I could lament over the fact that three of those weeks I was traveling, two were holidays (birthdays and love day) and two were TOM. So that will leave me with two weeks to work with which would not make my current weight so bad. But what would I be telling myself if I actually believed those excuses.

My DH travels for a living; it has been that way for almost five years. To common sense folk, it would appear that I should know how to eat healthy while on the road. The thing is that I just started really understanding what healthy is. Just because it is a salad or fruit shake, does not make it healthy. It takes looking at the ingredients and totally dissecting the meal before eating. It also takes exercise. I cannot be perfect while on the road but I can combat some of the slip ups by doing exercise. The truth is I have gotten lazy.

It started back in 2005 when I was pregnant with DS. I was put on bed rest my first trimester and was not allowed to exercise. Hey worked for me, but I never really snapped out of it. I think it was somewhat detrimental. Before getting pregnant, I would work out 1 to 1 ½ hours almost everyday.  I was very active at the gym and to that point already lost almost 25 lbs. Then the brakes were applied and once I hit my second trimester, I was afraid to break a sweat.

After I gave birth, I was so preoccupied with breastfeeding and making sure DS was okay that I didn’t even think about exercising; I was simply overwhelmed. Now he is 18 months and I cannot believe where the time went. When I walk pass mirrors, I cannot even recognize myself.

It is time to put a stop to this madness. (For all of those who religiously read my blog, you know that I give a monthly pep talk!) So what if it is snowing outside and the couch is calling my name? I mean, all I have to do is wake up and I can hear about thirty excuses before I step out of bed. The time is now for me to step into my best life because I know the best is yet to come. That best I can only give myself when I realize that I am worthy enough.

So even though the scale has not been kind these two months, my clothes are looser and I am getting the swing of this healthy lifestyle thing.

… til it’s gone!  I am in misery with my right hand being in a brace; I am right handed. I can barely do the simple things and typing is so painful. It does not help that I have not done my homework for my research class because it hurts too much. I started training my dictation software last night; I will do one more lesson tonight and then hopefully it will pick up the pace so that I can continue my work.

I miss blogging my thoughts freely. Now I am down to the cliff note version.  I ate well today and tried to plan my cleaning up before we leave to go to NYC on Sunday. At least I will be able to walk around again for a week. It will be the holding on to the stroller that may do me in. We shall see.

Until tomorrow!

My hand is still throbbing. I am supposed to be stepping away from the computer to give it a rest, but you know, a girl’s got things to do. But I “guess” I can adhere to the restrictions especially since this brace is killing me.

Here are a few of the updates:

I weighed in at 235 on Monday. Big woop! I didn’t even think about it because I knew that two days prior I had a carb attack. I thought that by eating carbs, it would take the focus off of my throbbing hand. Apparently, it did not work. I am not worried because I put on some jeans yesterday and they were so big I had to look at the size. I know it is because I am lifting weights and I am happy so the scale does not even bother me.

Since my hand is hurting, no weights for me for a while until it heals up. That is cool. I need to rev up my cardio because the plan was for me to be out of the 230s by the end of the month. That is not going to happen but I need to do something to get into the 220s.

Well DH says I have been typing too long. I am going to start training my dictation thingy so that I can still do my work while it types. We will see how that goes.

Tania

My hand has been throbbing for days.  I think it was because I tried this new exercise on my exercise on demand channel that required you to use weights while making a number eight. Yeah it was weird but I immediately felt my hand tingle. From that point on, it has been swelling up if I type a lot. So I just wanted to drop by to say that I am still here but limited. DH bought me a hand brace a couple of hours ago so I am going to put it on to get use to it.

I will type more tomorrow.

I am surprised that I have not discussed this before. Big Tickles is my son. This is how he got his nickname.

When he was born, he was 8lbs 4 oz. The doc said he was big and long.  When we took him into the doctor at 2 days old, he already regained his weight plus some. The doctor said, he was a big baby. She asked what I was feeding him, I said breast milk. She said, oooohhh, yeah, he will be big, but he will grow out of it.

So everywhere we went, people would say, he is so cute, how old is he? We would say xx months. They would say WHAT?!?! What are you feeding him? We would say, breast milk. Then it was … oh! He is going to be tall and big. This continues even today. People think he is 2 or 3. He is only 18 months.

The tickles comes in because he likes to laugh … alot. He has a big laugh; it is so funny. So the hubby says, he is like a big tickle. I now deem him Big Tickles.  That was all she wrote.

Tania

So I stumbled across a “happy weight” calculator in Self Magazine. If you put in some information, it will tell you the weight that “should” make you happy and healthy. Well I put in my information and it told me that my weight should be 122. THAT did not make me happy. It means that I have to loose an additional 30 more lbs than my target goal. I cannot even remember being 122 in high school. I think I was asleep when it passed me by. When I hit 150, I will think about whether I am happy or not.

Use the tool and tell me what you think.

http://www.self.com/fitness/nutrition/calculators/happyWeight

Thank goodness I exercised today - yikes! I am thinking that the M&M mega bag was totally not necessary…sigh

For the love of exercise, why do I continually battle myself ? Here is what happened.

I set my alarm clock last night to wake up at 5:30am. When it rang this morning, I could not remember why I was getting up so early. It was to exercise, duh. So instead of getting up, I have an hour long debate with myself. Yes, it was an hour long. I pondered if I really needed to exercise.

First it started off with all I had to do was eat healthy and it would come off. Besides, once I start exercising, my body will require it to lose weight and why would I want that. Then I thought about how when you start to do weight lifting, my weight will go up initially. Now I did not want that, being a scale watcher and all. On the other hand, my clothes are beginning to get looser and fit more easily. But wait, I couldn’t exercise without eating something first. I remembered reading an article that stated you should have at least a yogurt, apple, or something small before working out to make it effective. That would require me to walk past the toddler’s room and he may see me and wake up. We would not want that.

After an hour long debate in my head and realizing that I could not go back to sleep, I did it. I got up, put on my clothes, tip-toed past the toddler’s room to get water and yogurt and did a 40 minute workout. While showering I realized that the time I took debating myself, I could have been finished exercising. In addition, once I got started, I liked exercising. It gives me more energy throughout the day and enables me to focus more.

It was then I realized that we can talk ourselves out of anything. This journey is not about loosing weight, it is quieting the battle within. Even if we follow a program to the “t”, we would talk ourselves out of the victory and just gain it back. Weight loss, for me, is 80% mental. If I stress out about it, double guess myself or even think negatively, I set myself up for failure.

I am a little sleepy now, so I will post my food log tomorrow and explain the meaning of Big Tickles in my blog url.

Tania

Today I drank a gallon of water. I am impressed and glad to be back on the right track. When I do not drink enough water, I feel sluggish, tired and heavy. Water not only helps the circulation, hair and skin, it helps with weight. I am thinking that the body holds onto water when it knows it is not going to be replenished. Since our bodies are over 60% water, it makes sense. It works just like fat. If you starve your body, it is going to hang on to everything it takes in. However, if you are feeding it nutrients throughout the day, it will let go of the fat and reward you.

I did not work out today but I DID finish our taxes!! Woo hooo! Talk about a mental exercise of the brain. I just have to run through it that one “last time” before I submit it. I can then move on with my life.

The key to my weight loss success lies within my food planning. There will be sometimes when I get stressed and want to grab anything and the first thing available. So I have decided to turn to soup. I am picking one soup from the Fat Free Vegan’s blog to make each week. I have made three so far and they are simply dee-lish. Not only are they full of fiber but protein as well; like a meal in a bowl – as she would describe it. So eating at least two bowls a day for my snack, it will not only keep me on track but my metabolism as well.

I am going to wake up tomorrow early to work out. I use to do it with the toddler but he has now started to hamper my progress by running back, forth and between my legs. It use to be fun, but now I am on a mission. So I will work out when everyone is sleep and then for toddler exercise, I will put on one of the WATP DVD’s and let him have fun.

Well, I had to write this before American Idol and Law and Order comes on

Toodles!